You don't. It's not your place to convince her. She's an adult and can make her own choices. Yes, you're a good friend to be concerned with her well-being, and it is within your right to tell her how you feel. That doesn't mean you should.
For starters, you won't convince her of anything no matter how hard you try. We all like to think that we can talk others into (or out of) doing things, but we rarely can. People have to make their own decisions and learn things for themselves. How many times have you given someone advice and then watched them go and do the very thing you warned against?
She obviously isn't sure that she's over this guy, so even if you could convince her not to get back together, she'd always wonder if they could've made it work, and she'd always blame you for not finding out. If this guy is really the loser you say he is, then she needs to learn it for herself -- again. The most indelible lessons are the ones we learn from our own mistakes.
Also, just because she bitches about this guy doesn't mean you should. Even if you think he's a tool, keep it to yourself. If she asks what you think of him, resist the urge to bad-mouth the guy. It just makes you look like a jerk, and she will end up resenting you when they get back together, which they will. She'll tell him what you said and they'll both agree that you're the loser, not him, and then there goes your friendship.
Your situation reminds me of something my wife taught me when we first got married. I was fighting with my parents about something -- I don't even remember what it was now -- and complaining to her about them. She was supportive, but didn't say one negative word about them, even though I was bitching up a storm. When I asked her why, she said, "A year from now you won't even remember what you fought about, but you'll never forget if I call your mom an idiot." Smart lady. We can say what we want about our partners or family or children, but if somebody else does, God help them.
The best thing you can do as a friend is to STFU and let her make her own mistakes and be there to help her pick up the pieces when he she does.
Its not your place to convince her but as a friend, you can tell her in a kind way the reasons why you don't think he is good for her. Other than that, it's your job to be supportive of her no matter what and perhaps be there for her if he breaks her heart again. Often when a friend tries to intervene, it can end backfiring and alienating that friendship. And unless the guy is abusive or mistreating her, it's not your place to decide what she wants or needs.
"The best thing you can do as a friend is to STFU and let her make her own mistakes and be there to help her pick up the pieces when he she does."
Yup.
My husband and I finally spoke up back in September when the gal we look at like a sister to us jumped into a relationship too fast, yet again. She didn't speak to us for a couple of weeks, but she came around. Lucky we're so close. As it is, we can already see the beginning of the end, things haven't been going well for the last few weeks... and we're keeping our mouths shut and waiting for the tearful phone calls. *Sigh*
There's nothing you can do. Like Cary said, people have to learn for themselves.
Cary is right, just keep your thoughts to yourself, act like you don't mind that she's screwing herself over, and then be there for her when it goes to hell because that is what being a friend REALLY is. The true test of your friendship isn't whether she listens to you when you tell her why he's so bad for her. It's when you have to let her get hurt, even thought you could prevent it, and then give her a should to cry on at the end.
**shoulder
Yes, it is very difficult to stand by and watch someone you care about make the same mistake all over again, but you can't live her life for her. She will make her own mistakes. With any luck, she will learn from them and do better next time. If not, she is destined to suffer the consequences of repeating the same actions. Be there to catch her when she stumbles. She is going to need someone who cares to help her get back on her feet again.
I would say throw your opinion out there and she can do what she wants with it. Try not to make it sound like advice, but you do want to remind her of some of the crappy stuff her ex has done. I've gone through this many times and luckily my friendship is only stronger because of it, but I can see how it'd get messy. DEFINITELY agree that your friend will probably not listen to you - just gotta learn for yourself.
My guyfriend has been described by my family as a 'loser' a term I object too, because if true then I live with 50% 'losers' cos I live in Supported Housing.I don't work, live on benefits, are not addicted to anything, does that make me a loser?
What a lovely day for a 1391095! SCK was here