He feels guilty. That's why he's pretending like your little romantic evening never happened. Because he knows that if his girlfriend found out about the kissing, there would more than just "problems."
Hanging out with someone you have feelings for is the WORST thing you can do after a fight. He should have gone out with his boys and blown off some steam, or hung out with couple friends who can give advice. If he hangs out with a female friend, her boyfriend had sure better be around. Reading your question, "crying in the closet and falling asleep" was not where I expected things to go. I'll give him credit for not sleeping with you, and for feeling remorseful, but he still never should have come over. Chances are, he knew you had feelings for him before he came over. He wanted to be around someone who would make him feel better about himself. You didn't have sex, but he still cheated by kissing you and sleeping in the same bed. Putting aside the kiss, his first mistake was coming over to your place instead of meeting you in a public place. Or, better yet, hanging out with someone he wouldn't potentially drunkenly make out with.
It's pretty crummy that he's pretending like nothing happened. Not to mention disrespectful to you and the girlfriend. He thinks you'll be fine with forgetting his little indiscretion. Maybe you don't want to be part of his drama. Definitely clear the air. Say that it was a mistake for you guys to confess your feelings for each other and also kiss while he was having issues with his girlfriend. Also, let him know that you wish he'd man up, confess to his girlfriend, and apologize to you for playing on your feelings for him. If he plans to stay in the relationship, you guys need to consider a) whether he should tell the girlfriend or not and b) whether you can still remain friends. Because there will be other fights. Perhaps worse than the one that sent him on a kissing and crying bender.
Ask him if he's really happy in the relationship. Sounds like this was a one time thing, but you never know. It's something he should address. Whatever happens, your friendship has now changed. You probably should take time away from each other. It's not fair for you to be around his girlfriend after what happened. (Chances are he's going to keep you two apart anyway.)
Good luck. And if a friend comes over looking for relationship advice in the future, hide the booze.
Hanging out with someone you have feelings for is the WORST thing you can do after a fight. He should have gone out with his boys and blown off some steam, or hung out with couple friends who can give advice. If he hangs out with a female friend, her boyfriend had sure better be around. Reading your question, "crying in the closet and falling asleep" was not where I expected things to go. I'll give him credit for not sleeping with you, and for feeling remorseful, but he still never should have come over. Chances are, he knew you had feelings for him before he came over. He wanted to be around someone who would make him feel better about himself. You didn't have sex, but he still cheated by kissing you and sleeping in the same bed. Putting aside the kiss, his first mistake was coming over to your place instead of meeting you in a public place. Or, better yet, hanging out with someone he wouldn't potentially drunkenly make out with.
It's pretty crummy that he's pretending like nothing happened. Not to mention disrespectful to you and the girlfriend. He thinks you'll be fine with forgetting his little indiscretion. Maybe you don't want to be part of his drama. Definitely clear the air. Say that it was a mistake for you guys to confess your feelings for each other and also kiss while he was having issues with his girlfriend. Also, let him know that you wish he'd man up, confess to his girlfriend, and apologize to you for playing on your feelings for him. If he plans to stay in the relationship, you guys need to consider a) whether he should tell the girlfriend or not and b) whether you can still remain friends. Because there will be other fights. Perhaps worse than the one that sent him on a kissing and crying bender.
Ask him if he's really happy in the relationship. Sounds like this was a one time thing, but you never know. It's something he should address. Whatever happens, your friendship has now changed. You probably should take time away from each other. It's not fair for you to be around his girlfriend after what happened. (Chances are he's going to keep you two apart anyway.)
Good luck. And if a friend comes over looking for relationship advice in the future, hide the booze.
Wow, Nick, you went so easy on this girl! Yeah, the dude is a douche who disrespected both girls, but the question-asker is just as bad. She disrespected both her friend and his girlfriend...hardcore. Betraying someone who loves and trusts you is sick, but helping someone to do so is no better.
I agree with you, but was mostly addressing her question as to how to deal with the guy moving forward. But, yes, she's just as much as fault as he is.
Thanks Nick. I did talk to him, and he basically said, "to me it never happened. And I'm never going to say anything to her about it. And I'd prefer you do the same because it was a mistake."
So I don't know. I guess sometimes things happen and you have to let it go. But I won't be playing the broken heart nurse role again any time soon. That's for sure.
The guy sounds so pathetic; why would you want a relationship with a dude who cries in your closet just because of a kiss ?!?
Do you see what America has done to its men !?!
You have turned them into your own stereotype of a woman! Those poor guys - believe me, American women will tire of these emasculated Anglo-men and start running to the Latin types who still have their balls intact!
You know, it was never mentioned what race the guy whats, as that's because it doesn't matter. It it just impossible to you to think about people and not think about the color of their skin and then have to label and categorize and say one group is better than another? That's just so small minded.
The denial of what happened is the problem by the way. Being upset and crying and wanting to be alone after someone has screwed up is pretty normal, and not some problem that "America has done to men". It's a good thing for someone to feel guilty and express guilt after cheating.
I agree with Rach. Gender stereotypes make men believe that crying isn't allowed for men, even though it's perfectly fine. Crying doesn't make someone any less of a man.
Wow, what a douche. First he cheats on his gf with someone he probably knew had feelings for him. Then he denies it ever happened in order to protect himself, not caring if it hurts his friend or his gf (if she finds out later not only about the cheating but about his determination to hide it from her). That's just pure selfishness and cowardice. Dude needs to man up and take responsibility for his actions (and probably confront some of the problems in his relationship too).