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My friend is completely hooked on a guy who uses her to pump his ego. I've told her he's just being a jerk, so have many others, and she seems to understand, yet he continues to have this power over her. Is there anything I can do? Maybe talk to the guy? (I know him reasonably well)

No!

Your concern for your friend is admirable, but her love life is not your business. You've told her what you think of this guy; the rest is up to her. She might see something in him that you don't, or maybe she's just unwilling to believe that he is a jerk. Whatever the reason, it's her choice, and her lesson to learn.

Butt out.

Thanks for the question.

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10 Comments

Madison

I was your friend in a similar situation, and there's no way you can intervene unless you are very direct with her, like, "I know for a fact that this guy is a player, and he is talking about you behind your back". But even in this scenario, you risk losing her as a friend because she's so into this jerk.

Brooke

My best friend is seeing someone that's totally wrong for her. She's a very emotional person and he has the emotional capacity of pencil sharpener. She gets mad at him a lot because he can't support her in the way that she needs, yet she keeps seeing him. I've told her I don't like that they're together because they're wrong for each other and he keeps upsetting her. (Not only by not being able to support her, but he also flirts with oher girls behind her back.) Doesn't make a difference to her though because she's going to do what she wants to do, regardless of whether or not it's good for her. Long story short, Cary's right. There's nothing you can do. Best to just let it run its course. She'll learn the hard way what you and everyone else have been trying to tell her.

Tamsin

Thanks for answering my question, I'll keep out of the way. One question though, what does MYOB mean? Never heard it before haha

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Mind your own business.

Cary McNeal

Make your own baklava.

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hahahaha =)

silkysly

I can make my own baklava Cary.., my Greek mom taught me! ((giggle giggle))

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Question: I have a friend in a very similar situation and I am done trying to convince her, like you said...MYOB. BUT, she comes crying to me about how he mistreats her blah blah blah. I get sick of hearing it because nothing is going to change until she realizes this guy is using her. So, in the mean time, how do I tell her to shut up while still being a supportive friend??

silkysly

Ask her if she know what Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity is? When she says no…, tell her to Google it.

user-pic

I've been in the same situation that your friend is in. And like others have already stated, there's nothing you can do. Definitely DON'T talk to him--she'll find out, get mad at you for going behind her back, and side with him. I can almost guarantee it.

When I was with my ex, I was so freakin' in love with him that there was really nothing ANYONE could say that changed my mind about him. My close friends, not-close friends, parents, brother...pretty much everyone I cared about encouraged me to dump this scumbag for over a year. But I let my feelings for him win out every time.

Not surprisingly, they all turned out to be right and he abandoned me, leaving me heartbroken--twice. (Yes, that's right, it took two rounds for me to finally learn my lesson.) Point being, it was just something that I had to work through myself. Even though he pretty much pulverized my emotions for several months, and I'm still trying to recover a year later, I wouldn't change a thing because I learned things from the experience that I will carry with me always. I was lucky to have such supportive friends that stayed by my side through all of my stupid choices, so give your friend that same gift. And then, be there for her when he breaks her heart, because it'll happen. And you never know, it might be you someday needing the same from her!

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