There are two things you can do to help him. One: tell him to get anger management counseling. He needs to talk to someone about his anger and learn how to manage stress. We all lose it sometimes, but there are ways that he can stop sweating the small stuff.
The next thing you can do is tell him that his temper scares you and is affecting your relationship. Tell him that it's a major concern and needs to be dealt with before you guys can move forward. Realizing that he might lose you because of his anger could be the wake-up call he needs.
It's good that he isn't directing his anger towards you, but the fact that his temper scares you needs to be addressed. If it's so bad that you have to leave the room, that isn't a good sign. If he's screaming and smashing stuff because the mailman ripped his Entertainment Weekly, he might erupt in front of your friends or family some day, making you and everyone else seriously uncomfortable.
Tell him that you care about him, and want to help him deal with his anger. Tell him that his anger embarrasses you. You are concerned about the neighbors hearing, and you worry about people being afraid of him or thinking he's an a-hole just because he blows up every once in a while. Find ways to help him alleviate stress. (Perhaps boxing or martial arts? Or maybe yoga?) Help him identify his triggers. If he's freaking out over the DVR not working, it probably isn't really about the DVR. There is probably more going on that is bothering him and the DVR is getting the brunt of his anger.
So be supportive, but think of your own safety and comfort. A year-and-half is pretty early in the relationship for his anger to be coming out like that. Help him work through it, but also make it clear that you are not okay with him freaking out and scaring you just because his basketball team isn't in the Final Four.
The next thing you can do is tell him that his temper scares you and is affecting your relationship. Tell him that it's a major concern and needs to be dealt with before you guys can move forward. Realizing that he might lose you because of his anger could be the wake-up call he needs.
It's good that he isn't directing his anger towards you, but the fact that his temper scares you needs to be addressed. If it's so bad that you have to leave the room, that isn't a good sign. If he's screaming and smashing stuff because the mailman ripped his Entertainment Weekly, he might erupt in front of your friends or family some day, making you and everyone else seriously uncomfortable.
Tell him that you care about him, and want to help him deal with his anger. Tell him that his anger embarrasses you. You are concerned about the neighbors hearing, and you worry about people being afraid of him or thinking he's an a-hole just because he blows up every once in a while. Find ways to help him alleviate stress. (Perhaps boxing or martial arts? Or maybe yoga?) Help him identify his triggers. If he's freaking out over the DVR not working, it probably isn't really about the DVR. There is probably more going on that is bothering him and the DVR is getting the brunt of his anger.
So be supportive, but think of your own safety and comfort. A year-and-half is pretty early in the relationship for his anger to be coming out like that. Help him work through it, but also make it clear that you are not okay with him freaking out and scaring you just because his basketball team isn't in the Final Four.
Excellent advice. Take it from a guy who used to have some serious anger issues, Nick is right on the nose here.
I would never hurt my wife or kids, but I certainly scared the crap out of them a few times and I regret it soooooooooo very much. I wish I had addressed my anger problems sooner. So you are in a very good position to really help this guy out, before he does something that he will really regret. Knowing he scared you will definitely help, hopefully enough to help him seek help.
Bravo to you, Laje, for recognizing the issue and taking steps to resolve it. There's a lot of people out there who deny they have an anger problem, even after they just finished hitting their wife and kids.
As a formerly battered woman, I can say from experience that this is always where it starts; the person has anger or control issues, and things escalate to the point of no return. If this person gets help, great. If he refuses, run the other way, fast, because it can and will get worse.
A terrible temper is a bad thing. Even if he doesn't direct it at you now, it can certainly slide in that direction, and it only gets worse. Take it from me. I just walked away from a relationship of more than two decades, and it has been a scary ride for me and my sons. He's in anger management counseling now (court ordered) and is STILL STALKING me. Just filed for divorce because he doesn't get it and won't change. Sick of being a punching bag and can't tell you how many broken bones and black eyes I've had to lie about - not to mention the jobs I've lost. RUN!!!! Far away!!
Walk away. I lost 3 years of precious life to a relationship with a guy like this. It just gets worse. Please, just walk away.
It's a slippery slope. My husband of nearly ten years has always had this same problem, and last year, not too long after our first daughter was born, it came to a head. She was sleeping with us in our room, and woke up and was inconsolable. I tried everything. Finally, my husband got up, violently grabbed her, and kicked me in the back. I called my parents, and they terrified the anger out of him, but men's tempers shouldn't be taken lightly.