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My guy says there's a part of me that doesn't trust him entirely because I insist on using a condom even when he pulls out. He's always obliged my request but now I feel like he resents me for it. But I like knowing there's something I can do to control what happens to my body. Is our different views a red flag?

Your different views on this situation are a huge red flag, and I recommending strongly considering a break up. Your boyfriend resents you for being in control of your body. Take a moment and think about how horrible that is.

Asking him to wear a condom isn't a trust thing. It is a health thing. It is a pregnancy thing. It is a self-respect thing. Your boyfriend doesn't see it that way, because he is a selfish misogynist.

You're in charge of your health, not him. If he can't understand that, you need to leave him.

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8 Comments

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Pulling out is not a safe method of birth control. Why do so many celebrity couples wind up pregnant before getting married? It seems this is a popular method among them. I thought they were smart and using actual birth control. When I took sex education they highly recommended that you do not use this method. I know someone it was her first time having sex and her boyfriend used this method on her and other girlfriends. Well guess what it didn't work for her. I tell my boys and I am telling you two things can happen having unprotected sex an STD or pregancy. Pick one!!! This guy is not taking responsibility and should not be having sex.

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This question wasn't about the safeties of using the withdrawal method as birth control, and truthfully, when withdrawal is used correctly by someone who is experienced and in control of his body and knows when it is time to implement this method the risk of pregnancy drops down to 4% which would be less if the man visits the restroom between each round (to flush the pipes as it were). That's better odds than birth control. I'm not saying only use this method (definitely stack methods), I'm saying with responsible people who know what they're doing it is a viable option, and it really pays to do your own research.

On the actual case of the question, what you're asking him to do is respect your choices and your body, if he can't do that then he doesn't respect you, and thus does not deserve your respect or your relationship with him.

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I agree with both your points.

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MM is spot on. I went through the exact same thing. My EX thought I didn't trust him and couldn't understand why I didn't want to have sex without a condom, despite us both being STD-free, me taking anticonception, and explicitely expressing that I did not wish to get pregnant under ANY circumstances. Though he oblidged my request (just as the OP's bf) he kept on bringing it up. He truly believed that his pleasure during sex had priority over my right to have control over my body. Needless to say that was the beginning of the end for me, we broke up pretty soon after.

Thank you MM, for verifying that I wasn't overreacting back then :)

Cary McNeal

Know what they call people who use the pull-out method? Parents.

Your guy is trying to guilt you into letting him go bareback. Tell him to get over it. He might be okay with having a kid now but you're not.

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I agree with you, what she described doing not many men will do that clean out there pipes in between sessions. The first thing we were taught in sex education was that the pull out method was the worst method. It's like playing russian roulette. Not many men know there bodies. My friend was told by her boyfriend he wouldn't get her pregnant with that method. He lied because he did. Plus the fact you still run the risk of an STD. I would not allow a man to use the pullout method on me no way. Thank God I have my tubes tied no unwanted pregnancies for me. WHOO HOO!!! Ladies another piece of advice birth control is for the two of you. Don't just rely on him to protect you, protect yourself.

LilZ

Why does he need to pull out if he is wearing a condom? Asking him to wear a condom doesn't have anything to do with trust. It has to do with YOU and what you are potentially ready for (crying babies anyone??). This guy needs to respect you and not try to manipulate you into doing what he wants. It's YOUR body, not his.

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Agree with all these comments, this guy is a liar. He doesn't want you to stop using condoms because it means you don't trust him, He doesn't want to use condoms because they make sex not feel as good for guys and he is being selfish! In his mind he thinks hes dated you for long enough to have the right to not use a condom anymore. He is an ass. He clearly cares more about his own enjoyment during sex than your feelings, and wants. It is your body. I don't know if you have explained it to him, maybe if you sat him down and said look I want to continue using condoms because I do not want to get pregnant and I want to be in control of my body, it is non negotiable. I wonder what his response would be, maybe he doesn't understand this is a conscious decision you have made.

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