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My hubby and I are pregnant with our first child, and he wants to be "down there" when our kid's born. The problem is, I really don't want him to be. (I'm afraid he'll not want to have sex again.) Is there some way I can tell him, and not upset him?

Probably not. If a guy has actually stated, "I would like to watch when your vagina inevitably rips open to birth our hideous child," he probably means it. That's not a sentence said spuriously.

And can you blame him? You get to assemble the kid, carry the weight around, endure the pain--these are all things MEN should be doing. The least you owe us is the opportunity to watch our child's first breath.

So my biased advice is to keep a stiff upper lip (until it inevitably rips asunder), swallow your pride, and know that the man who wants to raise a child with you probably isn't going to be put off sex with you that easily.

Trust me, in the moment, you're going to want him right by your side. And I say that with the full weight of someone whose years away from even considering having children.

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6 Comments

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I've been there and trust me, by the time you're in labor and pushing, you won't care who's watching.... all you'll be thinking about is having your precious baby! Privacy goes right out the window in that situation... and your husband will probably want to have sex before you're allowed lol... men don't like to wait!

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And, for the record, I have given birth not once but THREE times, and nary a rip...nor any detriment to our sex life afterwards. While the thought of watching someone give birth sounds gross, when you are actually there, in the moment, watching a new life come into the world...is actually pretty beautiful. The memories of the "grossness" and pain go away...want proof? If it didn't, we'd all be only children!

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I also have given birth (and at the time it was with my boyfriend and we were young, so even more of a reason to be immature about it all), and it didn’t bother him or gross him out later. I said for all 9 months…you're not watching very adamantly. And he was fine with that. But once the doctor said "here comes her head", I told him it was alright to look. It might sound cliché but once you're holding the baby, you both truly forget the gross details and most of the pain.

However, if this really bothers you and will cause you to be nervous for the next 9 months I think you should say something like, "honey I know you want to watch the baby being born, but I really need you to be holding my hand and helping me with my breathing technique by my side. I'm nervous and having you help me though this, being right beside me, will help me so much." I can understand him wanting to watch in some ways, but I feel that making the woman comfortable at that difficult moment in her life comes first (and obviously the health of the baby) and I think most loving men feel that way too. Good luck and Congrats!!

secrets

let him watch his miracle

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From what I understand of childbirth, you are going to be going through quite an ordeal. He should be doing whatever it takes to make it easier on you, not making demands. And if he really insists (which would indicate that he doesn't care much for the comfort of the mother of his child), then take him to a doctor that will explain exactly what happens down there, and tell him that if he's going to be a part of it, he should at least make himself useful. Once he realizes he's on shit-factory-explosion-cleanup-duty, he might think twice.

Seagoatsarah

You sure as hell won't care when it comes down to it, trust me. Been there, done that. I told my Mom I didn't want her to watch, but when the nurses told her to stay and help my husband hold my legs, I didn't give a half a damn.

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