Oh, well, at least he's being honest. Are you serious? Unless you want an open marriage, this is grounds for divorce. Of course you should be heartbroken. You should also be angry, hurt, betrayed, jealous and all of the other things that are natural to feel if your husband of 14 years told you he wants to start banging random women.
It isn't understandable that he'd want to start sleeping around while still married to a wife who is in love with only him. That's just selfish, hurtful, and skeezy. An understandable feeling would be wanting to spice up your sex life or reignite the passion in your marriage. That's the cornerstone of a good marriage-- realizing that it's not always going to be hot and heavy, and being able to work together through the rough patches
Plus, as you get older, sex becomes less important to a healthy marriage. It should exist, but there is so much more that binds you together. It sounds like everything you've built over the last 14 years means diddly-squat to him. He doesn't care about your feelings, or the fact that he would be exposing you to any number of STDs, and is hiding behind a self-righteous stance of, "Hey, I'm just being honest here" like he's the George Carlin of scumbag husbands or something.
Sure, open marriages do exist, but only when both parties agree to it. You don't just decide that you want to start banging your gym trainer and assume your wife will understand. That's not how marriage works. And he's antsy after 14 years? Boo-hoo. People stay married for 60 years and never have the urge to stray. Or if they do, they work through it with their spouse and don't just tell them to deal with it.
You don't need my permission to be hurt. Own your anger, and unleash it on him. If he refuses to make things work with you, get a divorce and move on. (Actually, maybe just call it quits. I can't imagine a marriage bouncing back from "I'm going to screw whoever I want. Hey, at least I'm honest!") You deserve to be with someone who won't wake up one day and decide to throw away over a decade of married life on some random hook-ups with women who don't care that he has a wife at home.
His actions are the sign of someone who wants a divorce, but isn't man enough to admit it. The fact that it's coming after 14 years of marriage is sad, for sure. Now at least you know he isn't the person you should spend the rest of your life with. Someone else is out there who won't causally toss away his marriage for some cheap sex.
It isn't understandable that he'd want to start sleeping around while still married to a wife who is in love with only him. That's just selfish, hurtful, and skeezy. An understandable feeling would be wanting to spice up your sex life or reignite the passion in your marriage. That's the cornerstone of a good marriage-- realizing that it's not always going to be hot and heavy, and being able to work together through the rough patches
Plus, as you get older, sex becomes less important to a healthy marriage. It should exist, but there is so much more that binds you together. It sounds like everything you've built over the last 14 years means diddly-squat to him. He doesn't care about your feelings, or the fact that he would be exposing you to any number of STDs, and is hiding behind a self-righteous stance of, "Hey, I'm just being honest here" like he's the George Carlin of scumbag husbands or something.
Sure, open marriages do exist, but only when both parties agree to it. You don't just decide that you want to start banging your gym trainer and assume your wife will understand. That's not how marriage works. And he's antsy after 14 years? Boo-hoo. People stay married for 60 years and never have the urge to stray. Or if they do, they work through it with their spouse and don't just tell them to deal with it.
You don't need my permission to be hurt. Own your anger, and unleash it on him. If he refuses to make things work with you, get a divorce and move on. (Actually, maybe just call it quits. I can't imagine a marriage bouncing back from "I'm going to screw whoever I want. Hey, at least I'm honest!") You deserve to be with someone who won't wake up one day and decide to throw away over a decade of married life on some random hook-ups with women who don't care that he has a wife at home.
His actions are the sign of someone who wants a divorce, but isn't man enough to admit it. The fact that it's coming after 14 years of marriage is sad, for sure. Now at least you know he isn't the person you should spend the rest of your life with. Someone else is out there who won't causally toss away his marriage for some cheap sex.
Awesome advice. Divorce this asshole.
That is so incredibly insensitive of him. Honey- how's the rest of your marriage? If you needed to ask "advice" on whether to be upset or not for this, then I'm sort of thinking that there are other ways in which you are serving as his personal emotional doormat.
Another thing- I F@$%ING HATE when my boyfriend tells me how I should feel ("You should be understanding" "You have no right to be so mad" etc)- I feel how I feel, dammit, and I don't need to change my reaction to suit someone else. I know I'm a sane, mostly level-headed person and if I feel pissed/wronged/upset then I have my (damn good) reasons for it- and SO DO YOU.
Don't let him manipulate your emotions, honey, I know you love him and are devoted to him, but that doesn't mean completely forsaking your own mental health and happiness- that's not what love is, at all. Find someone who is at least as devoted to you as you are to him (or maybe just a little bit more).
Lastly, and I know people will probably disagree with me on this, but I think you should try and talk it out before you jump on the long, cold, Bitter Train to Divorceville. It sounds like you haven't expressed your own emotions and/or wants in a very frank and open way so far (and maybe for a long time). I think you need to communicate to him that this idea of his is unacceptable to you, then try to get to the root of his problem- ex: does your relationship lack passion? where did it get lost? what can you BOTH do to bring it back? Get creative (not like that, perverts) I mean get creative in your solutions. For example, my boyfriend and I bicker over small stuff all the time so we decided that on odd days I get to be right and on even days he gets to be right! It sounds childish, I'm sure, but it actually worked for us because of how silly it was, it made it easier for us to say "Ok, you're right, but only because it's the 12th."
All in all, preserve your own happiness. You, and every other person, deserve to smile real smiles every single day. Figure out what you need to be happiest, then communicate that to him, and know ahead of time where you draw the line of compromise- that way you're less likely to buckle under his manipulations.
Good luck- let us know what happens.
That is so incredibly insensitive of him. Honey- how's the rest of your marriage? If you needed to ask "advice" on whether to be upset or not for this, then I'm sort of thinking that there are other ways in which you are serving as his personal emotional doormat.
Another thing- I F@$%ING HATE when my boyfriend tells me how I should feel ("You should be understanding" "You have no right to be so mad" etc)- I feel how I feel, dammit, and I don't need to change my reaction to suit someone else. I know I'm a sane, mostly level-headed person and if I feel pissed/wronged/upset then I have my (damn good) reasons for it- and SO DO YOU.
Don't let him manipulate your emotions, honey, I know you love him and are devoted to him, but that doesn't mean completely forsaking your own mental health and happiness- that's not what love is, at all. Find someone who is at least as devoted to you as you are to him (or maybe just a little bit more).
Lastly, and I know people will probably disagree with me on this, but I think you should try and talk it out before you jump on the long, cold, Bitter Train to Divorceville. It sounds like you haven't expressed your own emotions and/or wants in a very frank and open way so far (and maybe for a long time). I think you need to communicate to him that this idea of his is unacceptable to you, then try to get to the root of his problem- ex: does your relationship lack passion? where did it get lost? what can you BOTH do to bring it back? Get creative (not like that, perverts) I mean get creative in your solutions. For example, my boyfriend and I bicker over small stuff all the time so we decided that on odd days I get to be right and on even days he gets to be right! It sounds childish, I'm sure, but it actually worked for us because of how silly it was, it made it easier for us to say "Ok, you're right, but only because it's the 12th."
All in all, preserve your own happiness. You, and every other person, deserve to smile real smiles every single day. Figure out what you need to be happiest, then communicate that to him, and know ahead of time where you draw the line of compromise- that way you're less likely to buckle under his manipulations.
Good luck- let us know what happens.
He have a lot of dark clothing?.....Its time to break out the clorox
Honestly,
This guy should have brought this up 16-years ago before he got married! A man-child like this as you can see doesn't put his wife’s needs or a vow above his own personal urges.
Being married myself sure you get the occasional desire, but it's followed by I wonder what my wife would do If I come home strip and tackle her right then and there.
Not I wonder when I tell my wife that I am going to start boning all these other women how long it will be before I can actually follow through?
This guy is a total walking hormone, better known as a "douche" in husbands clothing! I would go out and meet the hottest guy you could find and film yourself having fun in your bed.
Leave this playing as you have all his stuff packed up with a note saying sure honey I have already started our new open marriage attached are your divorce papers you need to sign.
At the gym getting ready to bone the new trainer Bobby Enjoy
The correct response should be:
"Vayo con dios, buttwipe!!!"
Ditch this zero and get a hero.
And that is MY unvarnished truth. You deserve so much better than this.
Tell him you totally understand because you feel the same way and have about 45 guys lined up that will provide you with some of the hotness, girth, and variety that you've been craving after 16 years of the same-ol' boring, balding, pot-bellied guy. Then tell him you'll be out that evening.
In the alternative, I agree completely with the whole post and sadly, with the last paragraph. It sounds like he's already working up to asking for a divorce. You can do
How could you not kick this guy in the balls when he told you this?!?!
Unleash the anger? I say release the freakin Kraken on him!
Why do you have to ask someone online whether it is ok for you to be upset because your husband wants to have meaningless one night stands and expects you to be ok with it?? I think that you probably have some serious self esteem issues if you are not strong enough to tell him where to go and how to get there. Start doing things for yourself, open up a savings account that he does not know about or just start stashing cash in a place where he would never find it. Consult a divorce lawyer. Get a makeover, start working out more, start seeing a counselor to build up your self esteem. Tell your husband how his behaviour makes you feel in no uncertain terms. Then just walk away with your head held high knowing that he will never do better than you but you will find a man MUCH better than him. Do not let his behaviour break down who you are as a person, you were wonderful before you met him and you will still be wonderful after you leave. Take control of your life and know that there are many men out there that will be faithful to you and treat you the way that you deserve. Good luck and hugs.:)
If my husband pulled this BS on me, he'd be in traction. He'd be *lucky* to be in traction.