Okay...I won't advise divorce. How about a trial separation? Seriously, aren't you feeling more than hurt feelings right now? Aren't you angry that he is trolling for casual sex only a MONTH after your wedding? Sorry to say this, but a guy that would do that was probably cheating on you before you got married.
So, if divorce isn't an option, you've got to at least confront him and find out if he's cheating. Then seek couples counseling if you hope to work through this. But I have to ask -- why do you want to stay married to someone who would cheat on you after a month? He is giving a clear sign that he isn't faithful and doesn't want to be married. If you won't kick him to the street and toss his belongings out behind him, then you at least have to talk to him about whether or not he really wants to be married. Maybe you can work through this with discussion and counseling, but I just don't know. Whatever you do, don't just ignore this. Because he will cheat on you if he hasn't already.
i'm almost wondering if this one came in from the new wife to my ex, that's how familiar this sounds. you know, i am a pretty tolerant girl. so, i made the mistake of it being "ok" for him to look at porn online, i thought, if he is going to do it anyway, i would rather know about it and this way he would also feel like he wasn't doing anything behind my back. one addiction of his lead to another, and by the end of our 6 yr marriage he had a full fledged account on adult friend finder, and had been dating many women, AND married couples from there. i am not a snoop the internet history type girl, so i didn't really clue in until i found condoms in the bathroom while we were going through infertility and trying to get pregnant again. so, i know, you don't want to hear divorce, but you can not let this go, or this problem WILL get bigger and worse and more painful with time. i would suggest therapy, but i am with nick. i don't know if that will help. nick is so dead on with every single one of his points. yes, you made promises, i foolishly told myself the same thing. oddly enough his cheating wasn't why we broke up, it was just a symptom of the whole shebang tho. like nick said, this guy isn't ready for the same committment level that you are. and as long as he is getting away with it, the longer he is going to keep doing it. you say casual sex almost like it's "just that". casual sex makes babies too. and STDs. it's your life, take control of it before this gets worse, because the one thing i DO know is this WILL get worse if you do not call it out. read every one of nick's words over and over again and follow your gut, it will never lie to you the way others will.
Watching porn doesn't make people cheat, and you should never have to 'permit' someone to watch it. Jerks cheat. Sounds like you caught a bad one.
I agree with most everything in Chrissie's post, I also agree with your point. Porn is just a normal, harmless part of most guy's (solo) sex lives. And mine as well from time to time, I might add.
I don't know the guy, but I would say that Chrissie's ex's progression from porn to the real deal was latent within him all along, and being in a marriage just made it more appealing because of the risk/taboo of cheating. Essentially, he was having his cake and eating it too. I've said this before but I'm super proud of Chrissie for standing up for herself and ditching the guy. Many women never get to that point and keep themselves trapped in an illusion until the guy finally kicks /them/ to the curb.
you are a sweetheart Carly and thank you so much for your kind words. i do need to correct myself, it wasn't my intent to suggest that all porn watchers are cheaters, i can see how that would read that way tho. no, i don't believe that at all, if i did, i wouldn't have normalized it for him. yeah, "let him" watch it is a term that wouldnt sit well with a lot of people, i can see that. but a lot of women don't "let him" watch it. i too think it's normal and healthy. interesting perspective on the latent desires there Carly, i think you are right, i've often said it is just a matter of time before the new wife starts seeing the same problems that i did, if she hasn't already. *shurg* who knows, not my problem anymore LOL thanks again for your sweetness!!
Run. Now. Chrissie and Nick are right. It will only get worse, and more painful. Leave while your self-esteem is still present. I wish I had. Took my new man a lot of years to help convince me I was worthy of cherishing, love and loyalty.
Or you could wait around until he gets 'tired' of your 'emotions' and kicks you to the curb instead.
It sounds cruel, but this guy holds little or no value to you, your marriage, or sex.
He's not the one who will end up with a broken heart.
The longer you leave it be the higher the risk of loss to you.
When people show you who there are…, believe them.
(there=they)
Maya Angelou rocks! one of my favorite quotes of all time!
Ditto everyone above. Wow. So sorry you are going through this. Sounds trite but seriously it's so much better you find out now, than later.
:(
Run, run, run as fast as you can. If he's looking for casual sex NOW, what is he going to be doing in ten years from now when things really slow down?!
I always had the gut feeling that my ex was cheating when we were dating, but kept making excuses- until he gave me chlamydia (and tried to use the toilet seat excuse)! I was lucky that's all he brought home- at least it was fixable- should've paid attention to all the clues in the first place. Good luck, honey. Sounds like you've gotta take care of you right now.