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My husband's been in Korea since July and is coming home on leave. He hasn't kept in touch with our friends and relatives, and I thought it would be nice to throw him a surprise party. However, he hasn't held our baby yet or spent time with me. Is the party a good idea?

I'd say scrap the party. Or at least the surprise part of it. When you're returning home after a long absence--especially if things have changed in the interim (like, perhaps, you have become a father)--surprises are probably the last thing you want.

One of the worst experiences I've ever had was trying to make a big deal out of my wife's return from a quarter abroad. I planned to sweep her off her feet and get right to the romance, a plan that resulted in a bunch of awkwardness, jet lag excuses and hurt feelings on both sides.

Time and distance are powerful things, and your returning hero will probably need a minute to readjust, to reconnect and feel "home" again. Otherwise you can get "the traveler's bends," and end up having to spend a week in a hyperbaric chamber.

Let Dad meet child, steal some alone time, then talk about a party. That way you know he's going to enjoy himself, and you get him to yourself for a while before having to share.

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21 Comments

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Perfect perfect advice! After all he has been through and missing the birth of his child I would assume you and that baby are the only thing on his mind! Jus clean the house, maybe pamper yourself so you feel super sexy, and just spend the time as a family. Then the two of you together can plan a party and invite everyone he missed dearly and the party can be exactly how he wants it. BTW.... I cant imagine how excited you are!!! Good luck with your family all together again :)

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Korea? Lmao he was probably too busy spanking hookers. Let me guess, Osan? Camp Casey ;) yeah thats whats in Korea

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Uh. I know this is the innernet and all, but...manners much?

Michael, awesome advice. "Traveler's bends" - exactly the right name for it.

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Its the truth hon... You get off the plane and one of those "Buy me drinky" whores are pandering themselves to your man.. Aint no joke, I've seen it time and time again.. Although, yeah I'll entertain the idea that some guys dont want an out an out case of the clap to give to their wives after deployment.. Thats the reason why they have physicals every six months..Their testing for aids, and all other forms of goodies.. My ex was a Marine, and flat out told me, they go to wishy washes, banana shows, and what have you. 25 dolla make yah holla lmaooooo

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Vee, it IS possible that the questioner's guy is one of the decent guys (who are more common than you think) that didn't want to give his woman the clap when he got home.

I know these posts are anonymous and this is a public forum, so you totally have a right to have your say. But it wouldn't hurt to think about making that kind of comment to someone who asked a serious question before you throw it into the conversation like a hungry cat on the dinner table.

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Your right, I'm sorry. I just know, from personal experience you stay the hell away from a guy who says he went to Osan, Okinowa, or Thailand.

Hell, he may not even be in the military, there are also civilians who seek jobs overseas as well. So, yeah I could see him not being the type. I'm just sayin.... If he seems a little distant, uh he could be just thinking about Mama-san back on post..

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Thanks, Vee. For the apology...and the warning. ;-)

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Very wise advice from Love Guru Swaim. Love it. :)

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SmR.....if it's one thing I've learned from reading her comments, it's that Vee has no manners or remorse.

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Great advice, Swaim. Nice anecdote about your experience with your wife.

Mrs. Wetuski

Thanks a lot! That does make a lot of sense. I think waiting is a very good idea. Not to mention, I want our son to get used to him, since he's only seen him on our web cam. And yes! I am extremely excited! I can't stop smiling! lol I appreciate the answer (^_^)

Vee: I realize that most married military men play the "over seas bachelor game", but you don't know my husband, so you can't justly make a statement like that. In fact, you didn't even give me any advice on the question I asked. If you aren't going to be helpful, then why post a comment at all?

Michael Swaim

Yeah, don't let anyone get in your head. You know your husband, we don't. Really glad you guys are going to be reunited soon; congratulations. And kickass avatar, if I may say so.

Mrs. Wetuski

lol Thanks, Sea Lab 2021 is awesome!

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Sorry about that. Your correct, shouldn't have directed those comments towards you. Thats just been my personal experience, its not just single bachelor antics.. Anyone can cheat, including NCO's, married men and women who serve ... Korea is just one giant whore fest is all I was saying.

Mrs. Wetuski

I agree completely. And thanks for the apology. :) It's a shame, but true that Korea is one of the top places to cheat in the military. In fact, men and women both do some crazy and disappointing stuff over there. It's practically like a college party time ten. The good thing is that there are still some people with self respect in the military.

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I once read that if you are in a long-distance relationship and meet again for the weekend, you should start your time together by taking a walk or something and reconnecting... don't try to turn on the romance right then and there, give it a minute. and don't go partying right away, you both need to reconnect.
i guess the same pretty much - even more so - applies to someone who comes home after being away for a long time.
give him and yourself some space (figuratively speaking, i don't mean that you should necessarily spend time apart!) and allow the romance to grow back a little. if it is there right away, act on it and enjoy the moment, but if it's not and things are a little awkward... don't worry, that's normal ;-)

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I once read that if you are in a long-distance relationship and meet again for the weekend, you should start your time together by taking a walk or something and reconnecting... don't try to turn on the romance right then and there, give it a minute. and don't go partying right away, you both need to reconnect.
i guess the same pretty much - even more so - applies to someone who comes home after being away for a long time.
give him and yourself some space (figuratively speaking, i don't mean that you should necessarily spend time apart!) and allow the romance to grow back a little. if it is there right away, act on it and enjoy the moment, but if it's not and things are a little awkward... don't worry, that's normal ;-)

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I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing articles on this site. Keep up the great work.

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I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive posts on this website. Keep up the good work.

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hahha I agree

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