"WoW widow." I love it. Submit that to the GuySpeak dictionary post-haste, fair maiden. It's like you lost him in a vicious battle against the Orcs of Azeroth or something. Only you actually just lost him to a video game.
While I'm not a World of Warcraft player, as someone who spent many a lonely night in high school organizing my comic books and Magic: The Gathering cards, I can understand the appeal. To a point.
Therefore, allow me to play 500 XP Demi-Devil's advocate for a moment--three or four times a week doesn't sound all that bad. Granted, if he's playing for 5-6 hours at a time, all the while downing Red Bull and screaming "Leeeeroy Jenkins" into a headset at the top of his lungs, then we have a serious problem. WoW addiction is just like any other addiction, only with far more axe-wielding dwarves.
And I don't think your husband's age should be a factor either. Is fighting goblins and trolls online any nerdier than trading players in fantasy baseball? (Okay, fine, maybe it's a little nerdier.) The point it is, online gaming is just as legitimate a hobby for someone in your husband's age range as, say, golf or putting tiny ships inside of bottles. (Older people still do that, right?)
So let him have his WoW time, in moderation, if that's what he needs to escape the crushing realities of the non-dragon infested world. If you like video games, perhaps you could join him on a quest. If not, read a book or something. That said, if he does any of the following, it's time to smack him in the back of the head with a broadsword (or a broom, or whatever's handy) until he comes back to reality.
-- Drops references to The Horde or The Alliance (or anything related to WoW for that matter) while in mixed company. Unless that company includes someone wearing a wizard's cloak.
--Freaks out at the prospect of canceling his account, just like this spoiled brat.
-- Writes a letter to Sam Raimi, begging to have his team of rogues and mages included in the upcoming WoW movie.
-- Spots a penny on the ground and exclaims, "Verily! This gold shall allow me to procure the mighty Hammer of Wrath!"
-- Refers to himself at work as the "Paladin of the Office Park."
While I'm not a World of Warcraft player, as someone who spent many a lonely night in high school organizing my comic books and Magic: The Gathering cards, I can understand the appeal. To a point.
Therefore, allow me to play 500 XP Demi-Devil's advocate for a moment--three or four times a week doesn't sound all that bad. Granted, if he's playing for 5-6 hours at a time, all the while downing Red Bull and screaming "Leeeeroy Jenkins" into a headset at the top of his lungs, then we have a serious problem. WoW addiction is just like any other addiction, only with far more axe-wielding dwarves.
And I don't think your husband's age should be a factor either. Is fighting goblins and trolls online any nerdier than trading players in fantasy baseball? (Okay, fine, maybe it's a little nerdier.) The point it is, online gaming is just as legitimate a hobby for someone in your husband's age range as, say, golf or putting tiny ships inside of bottles. (Older people still do that, right?)
So let him have his WoW time, in moderation, if that's what he needs to escape the crushing realities of the non-dragon infested world. If you like video games, perhaps you could join him on a quest. If not, read a book or something. That said, if he does any of the following, it's time to smack him in the back of the head with a broadsword (or a broom, or whatever's handy) until he comes back to reality.
-- Drops references to The Horde or The Alliance (or anything related to WoW for that matter) while in mixed company. Unless that company includes someone wearing a wizard's cloak.
--Freaks out at the prospect of canceling his account, just like this spoiled brat.
-- Writes a letter to Sam Raimi, begging to have his team of rogues and mages included in the upcoming WoW movie.
-- Spots a penny on the ground and exclaims, "Verily! This gold shall allow me to procure the mighty Hammer of Wrath!"
-- Refers to himself at work as the "Paladin of the Office Park."
My fiance who's 21 still plays video games online with his 50 year old uncle so age is definitely not a factor. I'll admit as a gamer myself it's pretty amusing and can be addicting!! Let him play!
I'm a single 34 year old female. I also play World of Warcraft. The last group I told this to replied that they didn't believe in unicorns, either... sigh, I can't get a date from geeks OR non-geeks
Sure ya could just not looking in the right places.
3-4 times a week? I've dated boys that played for hours every night to raid. My solution was to try it out, so I could get addicted too. My boy loved getting to run around with me in WoW, and I got to spend time with him. There is a reason 12 year old boys and 60 year old grandmas all can be found running around Azeroth, and I know many couples that play together. WoW wifey sounds much better than WoW widow.
You aren't a WoW widow until the man you're with spends every possible waking moment (except when he's at work) in front of the computer screen raiding. Including dinner time. I think my BF only eats because I place it front of him, and often it is cold before he finishes. I also work, and we've lived together almost 2 years, WoW entered the picture about 8 months ago. I did try it, I have a few toons, and it was fun to 'spend time with him' in that manner. At first. I have made it a point of not logging on for the past few weeks because I am tired of constantly being ignored, never having help with chores, etc. I love him, but I am at a loss as to what to do to remind him that our relationship should be more important than finishing Ulduar.
As an ex-WoW player, I'd like to say there has to be balance. The core design of WoW is made to suck you in and get you to do more. It's a constant grind for the next carrot.
This is why I gave it up. When I would sit in front of the computer and be honestly torn as to whether I should complete some daily quests for gold and reputation or work on my book and end up choosing to do quests that I don't even like doing, I knew there was a problem.
But I like the "epic" RPG! This is why I'm now playing Dungeons & Dragons Online(DDO). They have to methods of paying for the game Subscription and so called "Free to Play" (AKA F2P). The F2P account allows you to buy various "Campaigns" you would like to play or earn them by grinding favor to earn Turbine Points to buy them. This way since you aren't paying a monthly subscription, you can move at your own pace. There isn't the constant reminder that you are paying $15 a month so you might as well get your money's worth. For $15 bucks you can buy 2-4 Campaigns and finish them at your leisure! Take 6 months if you want and you don't pay more while you do nothing. You can stop playing for a month and it doesn't cost you anything.
And to just add to it all. DDO has a ton of variety. Way more than WoW. The instances have puzzles and traps! You can complete them in different ways. Almost every single one has a "solo" mode if you'd like to just go it alone. Very few encounters require the traditional "tank and spank" model. I've done many instances on "Elite" with only back up heals from my Sorcerer (she has only one lvl 1 heal spell, lol).
Quick note on "Elite" almost all dungeons come in Solo, Normal, Hard, Elite and Epic flavors. The official definition is basicaly Solo: 1 person only no groups, Normal: 4-6 people at same level as quest, Elite: full 6 person group enemies approx 1-2 levels harder, Epic: full 6 person group hardness set to level cap (currently 20).
Don't be fooled by the lvl 20 cap, this isn't guild wars. Each level has 6 ranks, so in reality thats lvl 120. In time investment from what I've read thats roughly equal to WoW's lvl 70 ish. (I havn't reached it yet, I'm taking my time to get into things.
at this point, i just gotta say ...
THANKS to the WoW widow for asking this question, Nick Nadel for answering it so wittingly, & now
THANK U LAJE KAHR (*clap, clap, clap*) for ur "i'm-an-ex-WoW-player-that-quit-playing-WoW-when-i-realized-how-addicted-i-really-was ---- but-really-though-the-WoW-addiction-is-nothing-compared-to-DDO" comment.
! ! ! ! ! ! L M F A O ! ! ! ! ! !
LOL. My point was that DDO is a lot less involving and because you can pay as you play there is less "pressure" to "get your money's worth" like WoW.
As a further note, at the behest of my wife, because she likes to play WoW, I started playing again. I'm still finding I don't log that many hours playing it though. In fact, almost none this last few weeks. Starcraft 2 has gotten a lot more play time. :)
It has to be a balance in all things like the guy below posted about having His and Hers days. In fact, I really like that idea and might steal it.
As a WoW player that knows lots of people that play wow, i can see how frustrating it is too see him put in ridiculous amounts of hours into it (although I have to say 3-4 times a week is not nearly as bad as quite a few people that play). My boyfriend plays wow as well, so it's nice to play together although i'm not nearly into it as much as he is. I would advise maybe to suggest another activity to him to do with you rather than just telling him to cut back his hours....give him a reason to. For my boyfriend, i ask him to tell him when he's scheduled a big raid where he's going to be on it for hours and I make time for myself to go out with the girls or do something for myself.
The situation is tough (even walking around in lingerie doesn't help when my guy's in the middle of a raid) but i think it's definitely workable since your husband doesn't sound like a lost cause at all. I've found out that compromising on time together works well for me. Hope that helps~
Agreed. 3-4 times a week is pretty casual for a WoW player, especially compared with most of the people I used to raid with. 60+ hours a week was more or less the norm, even more if they were guild officers. Half of them didn't even enjoy playing anymore, but kept up anyway so they wouldn't fall behind on gear.
My spouse has been playing this dumb game for about 3 yrs now. I can't stand it. He is truly addicted. He spending hours and hours on this during the week and gets up later and later the next morning to go to work.
He then comes home falls asleep on the couch until about 9 pm and then gets right back on it until later at night. On Friday and Saturday he is up until 3 or 4 am playing this game. Then gets up about noon, and by 3 pm he is right back on it again.
He ignores his family, and tunes everyone out when he plays. And then he will boot us off the main computer in the livingroom no matter what we are doing just so he can get on it and play.
Our relationship is falling apart, I have tried to talk to him and asked him to limit his play, he gets all uptight and says well when is my time?
Then I ask him when do I get "you and me time".
His response to this is, we have kids so there is no you and me time anymore.
Trust me the bedroom thing has not been happening either.
I am at my whits end, what else can I do?
help
I'm a husband with a 18 month old boy and another on the way in January. I think when I stop playing the original Everquest I had roughly 249 days logged ... that' s almost 6000 hours logged playing a video game!! That's more hours then I spent getting my college degree :-P Yikes, scary just to think about. Luckily I met my wife in between games or I don't think the cycle would have ever ended.
I play various "carrot" games now and while my wife doesn't understand it, she's completely happy with the situation. How did we work it out? It first takes catching your spouse in the right frame of mind. People with addictions like this usual have "lucid" moments when they are aware that they have a problem. It is during this period of time that you need to lay down the following: 1) You care for them and miss spending time with them 2) You want them to be happy and if gaming is how they blow off steam you'll support them in that 3) There has to be a healthy balance between real life and fantasy life.
My wife did this perfectly, without any hint of sarcasm or anger, and it got through to me. The worse thing you can do is become accusatory "You don't do this", "I'm not getting that". While you may feel those concerns and they are probably quite valid, if someone is completely consumed by something and you hint at jerking it away the conversation is over. My wife and I worked out the following deal and it's been working great for 3+ years:
1) When I get home I play with my son for an hour somewhere outside the house. This can be in the yard, taking him to the park, to our local gym, wherever. It just can't be in the house. We both felt it was important to model in front of our children that there is life outdoors.
2) Tuesdays are game day. After I play with my son, the rest of the day is mine to partake in whatever recreation I want. It can be to play a game, it can be to sit around and watch TV, whatever. There's no guilt, no fuss. My wife actively works to protect this time for me and I love her immensely for that. She's turned down invites from her friends and things I know she wanted to do just so I could have this time. It's amazing. Surprisingly I rarely use this entire time to play WoW and have even been known to do a chore or two during this time **gasp**
3) Wednesday are her days. I am responsible for all child care and chores that need to be done. If Tuesdays are my days to do anything, Wednesdays are her days to do anything. What's good for the goose is good for the gander and all that.
4) This last one is a little iffy b/c our munchkin doesn't always cooperate, but after I get our kids to bed 10-12 is free time. The most important facet of this is when midnight rolls around, the computer gets shut off.
Now you may not have children so some of this may not apply. Maybe my hour of watching our kid is an hour you two should spend together away from the house. I think the away from the house thing is really important though. It helps keep the temptation of logging in as soon as you get home at bay. I'll echo what others have said though, after you establih your "rules", you need to swallow your pride or maybe even embarassment and work to protect your loved ones "escape" time. For me it's decompression time where I don't have to think about anything real or stressful. My wife will never play and I'm OK with that, the fact that she loves me enough to give me this makes it so much easier to do the things for her that I really really don't want to do. Diapers anyone?
i'm also tryna work out some kind of deal/compromise out w/ my WoW-addicted man, so i know just what all the ladies r saying & how they're feeling. i mean, sometimes i get so angry i wanna take a hammer to his hard drive, or throw something at his monitor (i'd aim for his face but i can't mess up what i gotta look at everyday, know what i mean? lol). BUT there have also been days where he actually peels himself off WoW (w/o me having to ask him, hint at anything, or give him the evil eye) & gives me all of just him. now, those days are the ones i like to keep in my memory bank. :)
anyway. i know it's gonna be hard to become as successful as tim & his wife are, but my man is worth all my blood, sweat, & tears. & i mean, all the yelling @, fighting w/, pointing fingers & blaming each other - all that is eeeeeeeeeeeasy. instead, the hardest part of the journey will be for me to really try to have & give a real understanding of his gaming addiction. i mean, just getting that understanding alone, in my opinion, is the foundation & first step towards our success.
that said, i wanna share a link w/ the other ladies going thru it for this article from Psychiatry Times that helps me to remind myself to be more patient w/ his WoW addiction:
http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/55406
I was once a Wow addict along with my husband. Sometimes we would raid together. I played more than he did because I wasn't working, and eventually got into the best raiding guild on the server and got the first ally kill of Kil'Jaeden. But 22 1/2 months ago (the night Ulduar opened on April 15, 2009,) things changed. I went into labor with our beautiful daughter. That's when I started resenting the shit out of him for it. I *never* got to play, and he would come home and raid all night and leave me to take care of the kid. This issue still isn't resolved, but as of now, he's off defending the country in the Middle East and won't be home until summer.
Well my husband is addicted to Magic the gathering, he is gone from the house playing at a comic book shop for an average of 10-12 hours leaving me 9 months pregnant and with our 3 year old daughter alone all day without a car from about 11 am till 10pm-12 am and he doesn't understand that he is neglecting his family, and then on top of it when I talk to him about it he say I am controlling and now he has left me, he has literaly chosen the game over his wife and children