Congratulations on owning a normal, healthy male.
He couldn't promise he'd stop doing it cause he won't stop doing it. He knows that. In your heart, so do you. On a large forum I frequent, someone laid the challenge down to the forum members to give up looking at porn. Over 5200 replies to that thread so far, and no one, to my knowledge, has lasted over a week.
No, you are not over reacting. You feel your self worth threatened, since he is looking at other women rather than at you. Dare I say looking at younger and prettier women? It is insulting and demeaning to you.
Still, let me give you the guy's take.
Porn means nothing at all. Nearly all guys like it, look at it and enjoy it. It is no more wrong than any other form of fantasy, just a few minutes escape from the real world. For us, no different from watching a movie or playing a video game or reading a romance novel or an epic.
As long as it is ethical - yeah ethical porn is a real thing - what's the harm? Better than going out and picking up some random chick or heading to a tittie bar, right?
You didn't catch him. He wasn't particularly hiding it from you. Why should he? Do you hide your romantic fantasies from him? Hurriedly change the TV channel from Dancing With The Stars when he enters the room?
Still, if it upsets you and you share a laptop, he should at least clear his browsing history. That would only be polite.
If it is his personal laptop - get your nose out.
Still, let me give you the majority of humankind's take.
Porn means nothing at all. Nearly all people like it, look at it and enjoy it. It is no more wrong than any other form of fantasy, just a few minutes escape from the real world. For the majority of us, no different from watching a movie or playing a video game or reading a romance novel or an epic.
Just a few tweaks there. ;) Women aren't encouraged to watch porn, and are often pushed into believing that they should feel outraged if they catch their partner watching it (I mean, how many tv shows and movies have used this as fodder?) and that it is something to be ashamed of. Perhaps that is your genuine view, but perhaps not. Have you ever really sat down and thought about it, as a rational human being? You might enjoy it. You'll certainly become more aware of your turn-ons, and thus be a more active participant in your own love life.
At the age of 14, I only knew guys who watched/talked about porn, but around the age of 17, I found out that pretty much all of my female friends (about the same ratio of males) had watched porn and now did it regularly. Though the only reason we discussed it at all was because I am a very candid person and didn't see the point in lying about it. We had one of those "Oh, me too!" "Me too!" "Man, I thought I was the only one!" conversations. The only difference was that they started to talk about it later, or not at all, while the guys who did were very vocal about it from the time they first started. It's human nature to be interested in sex, and entirely normal for anyone, whether they are male or female, to watch and enjoy porn as a separate activity from being in love with their partner.
Also, here's the link for the porn thing - http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=12020.0
I heard a saying, not sure where now, that went something like "the more personal, the more universal", basically the more one thinks they are the only one who has or does something, it seems the more there are many who do.
I am a guy - get uncomfortable generalizing about gals.
Yep, that is the thread.
My point is kind of that generalizing about anyone based on their sex doesn't mean much. You're a worldly sort of person, I'm sure you know a whole gamut of humanity, and as such you know that there are many types of women and many types of men, so with issues like this it's just so much easier (not to mention accurate) to say that a lot of people like porn, and some don't. I don't think it has much to do with gender, beyond the social reinforcements of a flawed, gender-biased society.
Though this is a bit wrapped up in words, there's still an admiration there for the way the question was handled. :)
(giggle, giggle)
I’m not so sure it’s the degrading part that has women offended, although women tend to hide their true feelings behind it. I think it’s more their self worth or lack of confidence about her own body image that makes a woman upset.
I think women in general, feel that if they ogled over naked men in the way that guys drool over naked women.., men would feel just as insecure about themselves. We don’t do it for that reason.
Just a conversation that involved a compliment to another man would bring a comparison from your SO with that other guy. Women know this & respect this; they just wish their guy would too.
I disagree. Her husband isn't watching porn in front of her or having conversations about how he likes the assets of a particular actress. It is not the same as carrying on the conversation you described in his presence. What she is doing is more akin to him reading her personal journal where she writes about how she fantasizes about Brad Pitt, then telling her that it is disrespectful and she should stop.
I agree with most of what's been said here, especially by MM and Mouse...( as a woman, yeah, opening myself up to the possibility of enjoying porn has been mostly a good thing).
But one thing that I think is important too: OP, your self-esteem will have to come from what you personally do and from your own personal emotional maturity, NOT from what your husband (or anyone else) thinks or does. And I speak from painful experience here. Just something to keep in mind.
But try not to worry about the porn. Honestly, it's no big deal, and it's the kind thing you'll probably think about later and wonder why you let it bother you so much.
:)
NOPE, porn does mean something. Porn has created an unrealistic way of how men, ESPECIALLY young men view sex and women in general. And I will highlight, most of these guys watching porn view it realistically. They built up these women in their mind and live in a fantasy realm of sex.
It does depend on how often and what type of porn he watches. If hes only watching it now and then, I think its normal even if it still produces unrealistic expectations from their women, but if he watches it often, there may be a problem.
There are many many men addicted to porn in which it controls their life, etc. Look up some cases. Its real and it destroys many many marriages and relationships.
You make it sound like only men are affected by porn and women are immune to its effects. Hate to tell you but women too have gotten realistic expectations about sex from porn, especially concerning penis size (something that has affected men as well). When an increasing number of American women now say a nine-inch penis is tiny, sorry, it means they have not only been watching porn, but watching it in the same level as men.
Mr. X, women dont seek out that 9 inch penis though. Most women dont care about size, again, most women, a select few might.
Men who watch constant porn often do seek out this 'sexy' mistress to fullfull their fantasies. Ask any cheating man why hes cheating and its because the the mistress or other woman is willing to have the type of sex he wants. Which are the types of sex demonstrated in porn videos.
This doesn't make sense. Porn doesn't invent sex. If there is something a guy wants, he likely has thought about it before porn. if your argument for why guys cheat is so they can find someone who has sex like they do in the porn he watches, then you would also be against guys watching movies with sex or reading novels with sex too. Though it does raise the question of why the wives don't just have sex with their husbands if that's all it takes to keep him from cheating.
I never said porn invented sex. Porn is dramatic, acting of sex. Men fail to realize this, especially younger men who's only knowledge of sex and women together are these videos. Porn sets up unrealistic expectations men have of sex and of women in general.
Also, wives do have sex with their husbands, did I say otherwise? I said that men want the type of sex demonstrated in porn, should I get more specific? I dont know what happens in peoples bedroom, but from what Ive read and seen, these 'ideas' men get from porns are not what wives are willing to do as they claim that it is degrading them.
First of all, let me just say that I would do, and have done, many of the things I've seen in porn. It's a personal preference, but freaky stuff doesn't bother me. I've been ejaculated on in many ways, just one example of an act that many women claim is "degrading" that I'm personally fine with. You (and whatever you've read and seen) are generalizing by saying that "wives" aren't willing to do porn-type acts. There are limits, of course, but that theory just doesn't hold water for me as a whole. Besides, on the other side of the coin, I've read/heard many times that men don't typically want to recreate what they see in porn, but just fantasize about it. This type of thing really just depends on what you read/who you talk to.
Here's the other issue I have with your logic. You claim that men get "unrealistic expectations" about sex, but I would argue that it doesn't really matter because once they have sex (especially with more than one person), they are exposed to what "real sex" is like and therefore whatever expectations they may have had are rendered moot points. I give enough credit to men and even boys to realize that they're generally capable of distinguishing between fiction and reality.
Just because you spend your childhood believing in fairies and unicorns doesn't mean you'll still think that way in your twenties. It's pretty much the same thing if you ask me.
I've gone through that same phase. Knowing he was watching porn made me uncomfortable and insecure about my body. It made me wonder why am I not enough. This is a normal reaction.
But I realised soon it was silly. I watched porn just as he did, and it wasn't because he wasn't enough or had a bad body or anything like that. Watching porn is as normal as breathing. Besides, it might teach you a trick or two - and seeing your partner enjoy that new thing you do with your tongue, that's a real boost to your self esteem, makes you feel gorgeous and sexy!
A personal tip: watch Carmen Electra's aerobic strip tease dvd's. They're awesome. Talk about ego boost seeing yourself in the mirror doing the moves!
Why is it disrespectful or wrong? Do you think everytime he masturbates he's got you on his mind? Nope.
It's nothing against you. Your relationship could be loving, and amazing, and sexy but he's still gonna go off every once and a while and play by himself. Why? Cuz that's what every healthy guy does.
Hell my girlfriend watches gang bang porn if she feels like having some fun when shes home alone. Does it bother me that shes watching a couple buff guys go at one girl while imagining it was her being hit in every hole? No, its a fantasy and when shes looking for sex she comes to me. You know how I dealt with it? I bought her a kickass vibrator so when shes watching she can have the best time possible, and so she knows I'm cool with it.
I don't want her to be uncomfortable or feel guilty about it becuause that will just leak into our relationship. If she's not able to get of in her own little world when I'm not there shes bound to get furstrated.