I agree with you. The marital bed is important, and you both should be sleeping in it. Call me old-fashioned. It's not even so much about sex, but about togetherness. The marital bed is a symbol of your marriage: are you in it together or living apart?
I'm curious, though--if it "has always been that way," why is it suddenly an issue now? You've let him do it all along, so it will be harder to change your mind--and his. Not that you shouldn't try; like I said, I agree with you.
What does he do, fall asleep on the couch watching TV, or sleep in another bedroom altogether?
I just read that more and more couples are sleeping apart, and part of me gets that. There have been times when I wished I had my own bed, usually around 1:37 a.m. when my wife or child or dog is tossing and turning or snoring or telling me to turn down the TV (not the dog--she doesn't talk, at least not to me.). But I stay put because it would be unhealthy for my marriage. If other couples can pull it off, more power to them. Every marriage is different. I had one set of grandparents who slept in separate rooms throughout my childhood, and another set who not only slept in the same bed but were all lovey-kissy-grabby all the time and went to bed before the sun had completely set so they could get their paws on each other, presumably. Yeah, I know--gross. You didn't have to see it.
My take, then, is that I agree with you, and I think that if you want Mister Man back in your bed, you should ask him. He is your husband, and he should honor that request. It is important. Also--I skimmed over this before--sex is important, obviously. Sexual relations are the most basic and literal expression of marriage, and the cornerstone of marital intimacy. When you stop having sex, other areas of your relationship will begin to wither, like a piece of fruit that rots from the inside out.
So, yeah, he needs to come back to bed. For the togetherness, for the sex, and because you want and need him there. Any one of those is reason enough; all three together should be a compelling case.
Thanks for the question.
My old partner doesn't sleep in the same bed as his wife either. They used to when they were younger but he overheats a lot and rarely got a good nights sleep. His mood was worse because of bad sleep so he decided to make a basement bedroom to sleep in. It worked wonders for him, I noticed it immediately as well, he came to work with a smile on his face and a skip in his step (literally, it was odd). Now, here is the bad part of the story, let me remind you that all cases are different and I am just using this for illustrative purposes. His wife, after a couple months of this, decided it was not going to work and told him he had to sleep back upstairs. He grudgingly did and immediately his mood got worse, his job performance suffered and he was very quick to anger. This ultimately led to their divorce as the wife refused to be married to someone who couldn't sleep in the same bed as his wife, and he refused to sleep with her as it made things difficult for him. They still were intimate, though she did cut him off after a while.
Honestly, some people just can't sleep with someone else. Took me a long time to get used to how my fiance sleeps (she likes to kick, slowly rotates her body 90 degrees and usually cocoons herself in all the blankets leaving me nothing to warm my poor cold body in the winter) and this did include many nights without much sleep. All depends on the person. Just talk to him about it, it could be a very real and understandable issue. In the end, his health (sleep) is much more important if that is the case.
that's so true. and it's funny the older we get the "funnier" we get about things like this, more set in our ways. i see Cary's point, and have similar thoughts on the marital bed, but being a busy mom i also see the value of a good night's sleep as well lol i used to work in a hotel at the front desk, and it would always boggle me when these couples that had been together forever would get rooms with separate beds, now i totally get it lol
Sometimes you just can't sleep in the same bed. My fiance snores like a grizzly bear and moves around so much that he ends up taking up most of the bed and I find myself clinging to the edge to keep from getting pushed off. So I find myself sleeping on the couch most nights in order to be able to sleep at all. We've talked about it and he understands that it has nothing to do with the state of our relationship. Heck, he's even embarrassed about it, but he and I both know that he can't help it. I always start out sleeping in the bed, but I usually have to move in the middle of the night. I think that every relationship is different and you just have to do what works for you.
we have two dogs and they sleep on the floor in the bedroom and my husband gets mad when they make noise in the nite, i dont hear them he is a very light sleeper so then he leaves the room for the second bedroom, i have tried to put them in other rooms but they whine and lightly bark, grrrr dont know what to do.