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My husband won't stay off of dating sites. this makes me feel unwanted and betrayed. No trust=no sex. but even a three month no entry warning has no effect. What do I do? Divorce is not an option. Going on almost six months with no sex, he is still on dating websites exchanging naughty messages. I'm going nuts.

It's well past time to escalate. No entry hasn't worked, so it's time to go all Agent Orange on his ass.

Look, not to put too fine a point on it, your husband is a douchebag. In fact he might have a corner office at Douchebag Central Headquarters. He's doing this because he thinks you won't do anything, or he thinks you have no options but to put up with it, so really we're talking borderline emotional abuse here.

I don't normally encourage things like this, but in your situation, I'd carefully copy every naughty message he has ever sent to a flash drive for future reference, then move out. Even if you have to stay legally married to this loser, that's no reason to share a living space with him. Do this all in one day, and when he comes home, he'll find himself with no wife, and possibly a new perspective on what a dick he's been. Although if you or a family member own the house, you could try changing the locks. If his name isn't on the deed and he has no lease, he's got no legal right to live there.

Finally, I'm not sure why divorce isn't an option here, but, although I'm not a lawyer, it sounds like you've got a decent case. If it's because you're financially dependent on him, having a clear record of his ongoing attempts at infidelity will take care of that handily. If it's for religious reasons, I'd consult with your spiritual advisor; there's no religion I know of that's all like "Dude, flirting with other chicks in front of your wife? TOTALLY RAD!"

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23 Comments

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I agree, he is putting you through some sick stuff. Leave, just go live somewhere else for a while and let him see he will reap what he sows. But do NOT go and start doing what he is doing toward other men to get back at him. You would be stooping to his level in doing that and that will not solve anything only make a bigger mess. I really hope this all gets worked out a lot of men are douche bags and i'm sorry your hubby is acting like one. :(

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Turn off the internet. Don't pay. That's what I'd do.

silkysly

Good one..., but he probably has it on his phone. :(

natalie

In every religion I can think of -- I'm Christian, by the way, and i know this is true even for Orthodoxy and Catholicism-- adultery is grounds for divorce. And that is what this is.

If it's financial, find a lawyer who will only take money if you win, and then divorce him and demand alimony. You'll get it.

You deserve better than an ass with no regard for you. I like the idea about leaving all in one day.

Dan Seitz

Yeah, if you're leaving somebody who is verging on abusive, which is what this situation is, you need to act quickly and decisively.

user-pic

Normally, I wouldn't condone this, but put him in your shoes. Talk to guys online. Flirt. Make it obvious when he's around. (Make sure you're comfortable with this too...). I mean, this guy seems like a total asshat. He deserves to be left.

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IM NOT SCREAMING AT U OK--I'M ITALIAN-GET THE HELL OUT NOW---U R WORTH MORE THAN THAT I LUV THAT PHRASE A DOUCHEBAG----HONEY, U HAVE SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT WILL TREAT U THE WAY U SHOULD BE TREATED-OBVIOUSLY, U DON'T THINK SO CAUSE UR BUTTS STILL THERE---BT BLIEVE U ME--IF U DO WHAT U NO U SHOULD DO----U WILL LOOK BACK AND SAY, Y IN THE HELL DIDN'T I DO THAT SOONER!!-GOD BLESS-MUGGSEY

kamakula

Then who are you screaming at? Clearly, you know exactly what you are doing genius.

Mystery Man

Sta tranquile, micha. Gli uomini sono maiali, e vero?

silkysly

Men are pigs?

Tariana

I had to Google this up and laughed so hard.

hmmm...

dont stoop to his level by doing the same thing - follow dans advice... make copies of EVERYTHING and get OUT! Im sorry that you are having to deal with this tool, but you are the only person that can change it, and for you to change it, you have to do something... good luck

hmmm...

dont stoop to his level by doing the same thing - follow dans advice... make copies of EVERYTHING and get OUT! Im sorry that you are having to deal with this tool, but you are the only person that can change it, and for you to change it, you have to do something... good luck

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My father was pulling shit like that on my mother for years. Makes me not want to trust anyone.. Its sad

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Without getting into the nuances of canon law, if you are Catholic or Orthodox, I'd be very surprised if you couldn't get an annulment.

Dan Seitz

Yeah, I am far from a religious expert, but at the very least, if it's religious, a clergy member can bring the righteous smackdown on hubby here. If nothing else, it might induce a sense of shame.

chrissie1101

I agree with Dan and the others, and have been in this situation. don't turn off the Internet though until you've printed everything. a big pile of evidence for the divorce lawyer will be enough to make sure you don't "have to stay" with anybody, you will get whatever you are due, alimony, child support, and in the long run, a good man that will appreciate you for what you have to offer. good luck.

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It might be cultural/family reasons that cause her to not see divorce as an option. In that case, I have to say: suck it up and take the plunge, once and for all. Save your self-dignity, hold your head up, and walk out, regardless of what others say.

Tariana

I honestly don't like it when men (or women) stay in online dating sites when they're already in a relationship. It doesn't make sense to me. I feel it only shows a low level of respect for the other person, and definitely could cause the other person to lose trust.

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Im in a relationship going on 9 years, suppose to marry this nov11, however every other year I found him on dating sites because he in error would forgot to sign out of the computer or didn't clear the brower history. Twice I found a pay to go phone - because he was using that as another form of communication so it would show on our cell plan we share together. He said he would go to theses dating sites to VENT. My butt....when he wasn't getting his way or felt stressed in our relationship he was really looking for a way out. I guess he is one of those guys that need to go from one relationship to another to get over the last girl/women. I'm done personally - because really do you want to always know while he is at work bored is he searching once again online. Ive seen the text messages...one said "u were on my mind" and she would reply mine too....when can we hook up....then the texting stopped there....I rather just be done with it....it won't be the last relationship I've been in where a man can't keep focused on one women. Peace!

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my husband was looking at porn i saw it in his history i confronted him about it and he promised never to look at a woman again. just recently i have seen links to dating sites .i feel worse now because hes actually talking to other woman i am muslim and this is a major sin ihave asked him if he has a problem and he said no. but he carry on.... i feel helpless too

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Write a comment.My boyfiend is on many sites. I have so much fun with him on weekends. We r so compatable. I do think is just talking because he can not stand to spend money on anything . How ever I told him this weekend past he is the only source of crazy in our relationship. We had seperated for 5 months. around the 4th month of this seperation thinking our relationship was done I went on alot of sights. every site matched me to him. I finally asked him why he was veiwing me an not saying anything. one message led to another an we r back together.there is soooomuch we have together that is perfect we r not married we live apart. I see him every weekend. we have a great time. Our only thorn is he is actively on the sites, thisdoes hurt me an makes me not trust in him an also makes me angry. He says he goes on for ego boosts an when he is bored. I am on to see his activity. We had a heavy talk this weekend. I told him he needs to step up to the plate. we r in our third year of relationship, I was thinking he has done many things to make me jealous. I stopped anturned the tables he went nuts. I do not like to play these games now I ignor his insanity an enjoy what he brings to the table. Any man out there that can explain the need to play these dumbgames an is it true that men r taught to do this all on purpose? sincerely wish this would stop.

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