By not having him around your kids? By not having him around at all?
Seriously, what kind of nitwit is foolish enough to think he knows more about parenting than, say, an actual parent, and who gets his panties in a bunch when the actual parent politely tells him the truth, which is that he doesn't know what the eff he's talking about and needs to shut his hole? I'm sure you told him a lot more tactfully than that, and he's still insulted? Boo hoo.
The only insult here is that he thinks he has a right to tell you how to raise your kids. Even if he were a parent and had some experience, he would still be out of line to give you instructions. And his sage advice is for you to smack them upside the head? Brilliant. He probably wishes he could do it himself.
It sounds like he'll be insulted no matter what you say, and you've already tried the nice approach, so why not lay it all out for him without the candy coating? Tell him: one, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Two, they're your kids, not his, and you'll raise them as you see fit, thanks. Three, if he thinks that popping your kids is the answer to everything, you aren't sure they need to be around each other, anyway. Four, you are not interested in his advice and he needs to keep it to himself.
Yes, he'll be insulted, but at least now he'll have a good reason to be insulted. Face it: the guy's a tool. Tell him the truth, and if he wants to get all butthurt about it, so be it. Don't tiptoe around this guy. He needs to butt out, period.
Thanks for the question.
Cary's totally right. This guy is a jerk, and the only way to get through to a jerk is by being firm, direct, and curt. He might even respect you more for it!
Plus.. aside from the disrespect her shows you, do you really want him around your kids on any kind of long term basis... or at all for that matter. If he thinks giving them a smack is effective, and advises you to hit them, he will likely hit them given the opportunity. What an ass.
Keep those toddlers safe, give them a hug, and kick the parenting guru to the curb.
There are almost 7 billion people in the world. Go find a new guy friend, who support you & the decisions you make with your kids. He's not worth you time...
*supports
yes i agree. this is not a situation that is going to improve or change with time, quite the opposite. i think you should....keep insulting him. until you can't hear his voice anymore.
op here,
Thanks every one for the feed back. however as easy as it is to say "drop him" he's been my best friend for 7 years, he's been a good friend. this just happens to be an area he THINKS he knows something about, but really doesn't. I think he thinks by looking at his own upbringing it gives him the knowledge to raise kids. he's not around my kids just hears them whining over skype and such. but i definetly will confront him next time it comes up. maybe even make sure I'm not speaking to him anymore when my kiddies are around.
when i say guy friend I litterally mean FRIEND, nothing else, just wanted to clear that up.
thank you for the answer Carey! I hope I can clear things up with him and put this drama to bed!
You could tell him that when he's had the pleasure of carrying, and indeed, pushing one out, then and only then he can offer you occasional advice...
O.o
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Wait, does this mean, since I never been a parent before, I will fail as a stepfather? Every commenter here, and Wise Ass, are insisting this is the case! This is very depressing - I really care about her, and want the best for her. My wife and stepdaughter have outright said I'm doing good - and my wife insisted I be very involved! But, now, after reading this, they are probably just humoring me.
I normally take comfort reading guyspeak, but now I am really bummed out. and worried too. I am going to make mistakes as a stepfather. I better have a talk with her tonight, reevaluate my role, before I cause irreparable harm to her daughter.
Thanks, WA, this is a bitter pill, but sometimes we do have to swallow the bitter pill for the best interest of the people we love and care about. :(
I think this response is extremely unfair and bias. First off, it is assuming the OP is a a good parent. We dont know her parenting skills. We dont know how her children act. I have seen many kids who are out of control and many parents who think it is "cute". Some people are natural parents some are not, despite whether or not they have kids.
Ultimately, none of us have the ablility to change another persons style of parenting - or the right to try UNLESS it is to protect the child from serious harm. Every parent struggles, and we're always going to see parents who's decisions we question, and more often than not its the case that they're parenting fine. I think the issue here is the disrespect this man is showing her. If he was telling her he was worried for their safety, that's a whole 'nother ball of wax. As her friend, his best bet is to be loving and encouraging, & if he feels he has something to offer in the way of input, offer it once respectfully, and only once. (and again, if someone feels a child is in danger then OTHER LEGAL actions might be needed.) I think her best bet is to tell him that. Tell him she cherishes his friendship and concern, but his lack of respect in this regard is hurting their friendship.