Since when is biting and spanking kinky? That's basic operating procedure. Nibbling, clawing, licking, pinching. Begging. Commanding. Him digging his fingers into your back. You grabbing a great tangle of his hair and pulling. Gasping. Cursing. Flicking and sucking. These are things that must be done in order to get it on, get it down, and get it off.

When I think "kinky," I think pineapples, tennis racquets, and yellow rubber gloves.

So your boyfriend is a scoop of vanilla ice cream and you want a throbbing meatball of sweaty passion. I don't think your request is over-the-top. He likes doing it Amish-style and you want to soak the sheets. I truly believe it is the responsibility of each partner in a sexual relationship to make a good faith effort to do the things the other person says they need in order to get their genital prize.

This means each partner must communicate bravely, listen lovingly, and have an open mind. Sexual kinks and games can be like new foods -- you don't really know if you like it unless you try it.

Oh, and patience. Here's what to do: be patient with him. He's probably insecure or just inexperienced. You need to make him feel sexy. And he needs to trust that you won't judge him if he doesn't immediately grab that riding crop out of your hands and starts whacking away.

Make him comfortable. Laugh in bed. Joke. Sex is funny looking, really. An moaning, eight-legged peach. Then, slowly, whisper to him what you want. Take it slow. You want him to bite you? Show him where, bashfully. Here's the trick, too. If he does it, really be into it. Shake your little ass. Wink and tell him to give it the tiniest of taps. Demonstrate that if he does what you want, he'll get a reaction that will give him fireflies in his stomach.

He will bite more, tug and pull, if he understands that it only makes you hotter, wetter, hornier.