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My new boyfriend teaches at an all-girls high school. I was looking at a website where students review teachers, and the comments revealed that he had a relationship with a senior last year. Should I be worried? Are 32 year old men even interested in 16,17, and 18 year olds?!

Well, first you should get confirmation as to whether or not he actually had an affair with a student from something other than a comment on a website. As you know, high school is a hotbed of gossip, and spreading rumors about teachers and students was pretty common even in my pre-Internet school days. Sometimes they were true, sometimes they weren't. Accusations like that can be very damaging to your boyfriend's career and reputation, so this isn't something to take lightly. You don't want to join a chorus of accusers if you're wrong. On the other hand, if it's true, he's not someone you want to be dating. Because a 32-year-old high school teacher dating one of his students is not okay. A guy his age shouldn't be interested in his students for a number of reasons, chief among them that it's illegal. Even if she's 18, it's still inappropriate if she's currently at his school.

If he's aware of the comments, and they're untrue, he's probably trying to get them removed and squelch any rumors. You should direct his attention to them. Don't do it in an accusatory way. If untrue, he'll be horrified and glad you directed his attention to it. But if he seems cagey about it in any way, you may want to get in touch with friends or coworkers to find out the truth. If the student was 18 when they had the affair, it's still pretty sketchy and a sign he might not be the right guy for you. It might not he grounds for dumping, but you might want to consider if he's long-term relationship material. But if she's under 18, you definitely want to get out of this situation immediately.

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3 Comments

Lena

Ouch, either way, this is an unpleasant situation. I remember as early as middle school, stories like this went around about young male teachers, especially the good-looking ones. It's very possibly it could just be a rumor. I always wondered how the girlfriends or wives of these teachers dealt with it. I wish the asker all the best.

bookwormgrrl

I am a high school teacher and there are always students who will talk about how attractive a teacher is. It's something that should be discouraged, but it does happen. However, if he actually committed the act and engaged in an outside relationship of any kind with a student he can be held liable. As a teacher it is easy to become emotional about your students, but that should NEVER cross the line into romance. The job of a teacher is to be 3 parts educator, 2 parts life coach, and 1 part substitute parent (not to say that parents aren't parents, but teachers spend over 40 hours a week with the students... more than any babysitter and sadly, more than some actual parents). There is no room to take advantage of a child's raging hormones and if that is the case he's NOT doing his job. I would say DEFINITELY tell him about this rumor and hope that it's not true. If it is, he's not someone you want to be connected to even in a platonic relationship.

user-pic

Men in their early thirties love girls in their late teens to twenties. Its not so much a creep factor as the fact that they like dating younger, inexperience girls who are coming into age. It can be a genuine attraction. This is coming from a 21 year old. I get hit on my men in their thirties all the time and most are not creepy, just interested and most are genuine (although of course there are few creepy ones). I think youre man did have an affair with one, because look hes 32! He will be attracted to younger women and its just a fact. I see this happening everywhere, where both couples are in their 30s (have dated for a long time, got married, maybe a few kids or just are engaged) and the husband starts acting on his attraction to younger women. It HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. So my advice is to talk to him, get him explain and decide whether you want him anymore because men are men. They all want the younger women, so date a more mature older man instead. Him teaching at a al girl school is so wrong and affairs are INEVITABLE!

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