I don't think it's a power thing. I think it's a he-doesn't-have-the-money thing. Now he's embarrassed and that's why he won't talk about it. Not that I am excusing his behavior; I'm not -- he should be trying harder. Has he even expressed remorse that he hasn't paid you back?
The question you have to ask yourself before you lend someone money is, am I prepared to never see this money again? Because chances are, you won't. Most loans are never repaid. That's not to say that everyone who accepts a loan does so with no intention of paying it back. Many do plan to repay, but then they realize how hard that's going to be and start hoping you'll forget it. Your guy could very well fall into that category.
When you gave him the money, did you two discuss when and how the loan would be repaid? For example, did you expect him to repay it all at once or by installments? Starting how soon?
The problem now isn't just that you're out two grand, but the unpaid loan is a huge obstacle in your relationship. I'm willing to bet it's one of the reasons that you are on-again and off-again. Relationships are built on communication, and if you can't discuss the 600-lb gorilla in the room, you're sunk. So, for numerous reasons, you have to take the problem by the horns and settle it.
You have to corner him and make him talk to you about it. Assure him that you understand that it's a lot of money and will be hard to pay back, but that you have bills to pay, too, and need the money. Remind him that you've been very patient, and will continue to be patient as long as it seems like he's at least trying to repay you.
Work out a payment plan, even if it's just $10-$20 a week to start -- anyone can afford that, and it's not nearly as daunting as trying to round up $2000 at once.
If he won't agree to that, or if he still absolutely refuses to discuss it, then you might as well break things off with him permanently; either way, you're never going to see your money again, so why stay with someone who won't even discuss problems in the relationship? This certainly won't be the last problem you have, and if he acts this way now, you can bet your butt you'll see this behavior again.
Who needs that?
We loaned a substantial amount of money to a family member once. It was never paid back to us. Lesson learned--the hard way. Although, it's pretty hard to say no to a family member when they are desperate. You expect and hope that a family member will be true to their word and pay you back. I'm sure the situation is similar and equally difficult when loaning money to a boyfriend you thought you could trust. Sometimes you just have to chalk things like this up as learning experiences and move on.
I remember loaning my best friend a few hundred to pay for schooling fees years ago. I could part with the money but there were a couple times she'd come over with shopping bags and I'd remind her "If you have money to shop, you have money to pay me back." I suppose I'm a bit more ruthless though, I'm not a passive person. I should get one of those green accountant caps and have a crazy noisy old fashioned calculator.
She did pay me back with installments and I think I only threatened to break her knuckles once...but really that was only a half threat.
Kneecaps are where it's at.
haha Knee caps are for strangers, what if she needs to help me move one day?
Bwahahaha!!! LMAO - that's awesome! I wanna be like you when I grow up.
:-D
Do it, I'm really...really...cool.
Agreed!
Get a room, you two.
1. You love it. 2. Shhh.. 3. I hate how this thread get's so tiny and weird looking. It makes me want to talk less, which only makes me want to talk MORE. This is a problem. 4. ;)
Consider yourself lucky, I was in a relationship where the guy was so controlling, and he managed to get an 'additional user' card on my Visa account. After he racked up $25,000 he left me for a 17 year old girl (he was 27 at the time). I had him sign a note saying he'd pay me back, but then he and his new 'girl' started bugging me, so I had to get a restraining order against both of them. I never saw a cent from him. A very expensive lesson learned.
SMH that fucking sucks balls.....
CREAM people CREAM ... No one gets a flippin red cent outta me let alone an additional user card... Thats fucking criminal what he did to you hun...
So sorry :(
Yeah, some other stuff he did was illegal too, the cops didn't care, wouldn't do anything, told me to get a lawyer...like I could afford a lawyer?!? I worked my ass off at a job I loathed, and paid it all off. Karma baby...I believe in karma.