I think she should go out with the poor guy. Clearly he's just lonely and needs to get laid, so she should just take one for the team and get it over with. Who knows, she might even like it.
Oh, wait. What? Sorry, I was daydreaming about my college days and the arguments I used to try to get dates. Scratch what I just said.
Ok, yeah, this dude sounds pretty creepy. She needs to tell -- tell, not ask -- him to leave her alone. She tried to nice approach and it didn't work. Now it's time to be more direct. Not cruel, but direct: You're a nice guy (lie). I like you (lie). I'll be your friend (lie), but nothing more (truth). So please don't call me, text me, or show up at my house again.
Then, if she so much as hears a peep from El Creepo again, go straight to the campus police and report him.
Harsh? Nope. A lot of guys can't take a hint, but showing up at someone's house? That's psycho stalker territory, mi amiga. I don't mean to scare you, but we both know that campus attacks, especially attacks on women, happen more and more frequently these days. Why risk it? As Barney Fife would say, just nip it.
Good luck.
This happened to my roommate while we were in college too and it was definitely creepy. You need to be careful. There are two things I feel like I need to mention:
1. I made a big mistake in the way I handled the situation. I kept telling my friend she needed to be firmer with him and TELL him to leave her alone but it was really hard for her to do this. I ended up getting frustrated and we had a falling out from which we've never fully reconciled. So above all, support your stepsis to the best of your ability and remember that this is happening to her and though you may feel like you have the answers, she needs your love, support, and lack of judgment in dealing with this creep.
2. If things start to get worse, contact a domestic violence shelter and they can give you advice about this issue as well. I know it may seem like "Oh well it's not THAT bad" but it could get worse and you should at least be prepared. Wise Ass's answer is wise, but you can also turn to people who are much more knowledgeable about these kinds of issues: 1−800−799−SAFE(7233). Again, it seems drastic and maybe he'll find his humanity and leave her alone, but until he does you should be ready for the worst. Emotionally healthy people do not act this way.
Well said, J. I agree completely on all counts.
Thanks for the comment.
I'd leave out the lies, especially the "I like you" and "I'll be your friend." Those will just egg him on.
My advice would to just flat out ignore him. It works on me.
I agree with all of this, especially Frank's part. Don't encourage him. He sounds like he cannot take a hint and might glom on to the good parts and disregard the rest.
I once set up a pair of friends and they dated for a year or so, then broke up. The guy went from mild-mannered frat boy to stalker lickety-split, and none of us saw it coming. It all spiralled out of control until he got really scary and next thing you know we're all in court to testify against him and support our female friend. Several restraining orders later, he eventually got kicked out of the state of Vermont for 3 yrs.
Sometimes people just aren't wired properly. Tell someone and get the authorities involved if he doesn't listen to you the FIRST time you tell him to go away.
Nice matchmaking job there, Bev-O. Ha ha.
Yes, I'd leave out the lies, and I'd leave out the "please" too. She tried asking him nicely. It didn't work. Serve the truth to him straight up, no sugar coating. Do not go out alone anywhere at night where he can follow you. Definitely get the campus authorities involved.
Thanks for all the advice guys. My stepsister is painfully shy and isn't too keen on being more direct with him. Honestly, I don't blame her. He seems like the type that could blow a fuse all too easily. Either way, I advised her to talk to her student counselor right away to decide if campus police should get involved.
Thanks again FOLOTD!
I do love my FOLOTDs. Thx for all the comments.
FOLOTDs are da bomb!
Oh, and C -- that was my first and LAST attempt at match-making. Seriously... that one deserves an "EPIC FAIL" label if anything does, right? ;)
I had this issue once. I casually said that if he won't listen to me asking him to leave me alone, I have my cousin the cop ask you to leave me alone. Never heard from him again. Break out the family in law enforcement!