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My whiteboyfriend says to me "Keep your hood ass on your hood block where you belong. He is also an out of work brick layer, semi emotinally abusive and has NO friends. We havent spoke since last Friday...Is it over? Why do I care so much and constantly look at my phone for a text from him? Is he waiting for my call?

Booboo, there is so much wrong with this situation I don't even know where to start.

No. He's not waiting for your call. If he wanted to talk to you I'm guessing he would. And you are looking for his text because you seem to be a glutton for punishment and/or seem to think that you can make him happy. You can't make unhappy people happy. They have to do that for themselves.

Here's something else, why are you with somebody who's emotionally abusive to you? Are you his only "friend" and don't you find it a little odd that he has no friends? That's a red flag like a mug to me. I suppose he's got some issues going on right now but still, that's no excuse to treat you like crap, and if you decide to stay to let him do it then you are just as at fault.

Now, the fact that you are pining away for this man who treats you ilke crapola is the bigger issue here. What's going on in your life where you don't think you can do better. Interestingly, your first sentence where you told me he was white and he told you to keep your hood ass in the hood was the least helpful but I feel like it matters to you somehow.

I'm hoping that you're young, but in case you aren't, you need to assess your situation and determine if it makes sense for you. And stop waiting for somebody who isn't thinking about you.

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3 Comments

goodkarmagirl

Alque-
PJ's right...why do you think you deserve to be treated so poorly? The "hood" comment is horrific. Who would say that to someone...anyone...especially not someone special in their life. Wow, this isn't even about YOU.
This guy has something seriously going on in his head.
I'm thinking HE was abused or mistreated, and he's reflecting those feelings onto you.
It's like when people get yelled at by their boss, then they come home and yell at their spouse?
His pain is being transmitted to YOU, from something else.

It's easy to say "uh huh, go ahead and just leave him girl...you'll be alright..you'll find a better guy, don't worry!" but you are now the victim of a controlling partner and need to remove yourself from this situation, because it won't just go away.

He won't just "stop" being that way one morning and turn into a sweet neighborly guy who helps old ladies across the street.

You are NOT responsible for teaching him how to be an adult. Or giving him personal psych counseling.

You need to be responsible for yourself, and take care of YOU.

Please try to surround yourself with positive influences, and don't call him. When he calls you, let it go to voice mail...he's not healthy right now, and you need to create distance between you.

Good luck.

user-pic

He's using standard manipulative tactics to keep you "hooked". Now that you know this, break it off! If he's upset by it, then he shouldn't have been abusive. If he doesn't care, you are better off anyway!

chrissie1101

there is no such animal as "semi emotionally abusive". that's just how it starts. and while this may sound like an extreme analogy, i say it to make a point. serial killers are only just killers until their second time. and most of them are masters in the art of emotional abuse. it starts somewhere, and escalates until or unless someone breaks the cycle.

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