Yes, it is perfectly possible for a guy to not enjoy a strip club, especially after a fight and if he was on his own. It was a pretty dumb place for him to go, to be honest. Most of the time, a quiet bar is the place to hit.
Having said that - what you got to be betrayed about? So he went to a strip club while mad at you. It isn't like he went out and hooked up with someone or got blind drunk and in a fight, he just wasted money watching a couple of bored girls peeling off.
You never done something equally as foolish and petty during or after a fight?
He did it, you talked about it and I am guessing you made your displeasure known.
Now drop it. It is in the past, don't turn it into a ghost that continues to haunt your relationship.
I'm a woman and I agree with MM. Your bf's visit to a strip club might feel like a betrayal, but what did he really do wrong? What did he see that he couldn't see online? Of course, online porn and live chats are certainly a step removed from the in-person experience, but I don't see anything to be upset about.
I think the real issue, one I have a better grasp of in middle age but still wrestle with, is your fear your man's attraction to other women, a primal urge he can't help, is a threat to you, also a primal urge you can't help. A normal hetero man cannot help but ogle and desire women, ALL women (well, virtually all), even though he is in a happy, committed relationship. A hetero women cannot help but feel her man does not love her and is not satisfied with her if he's not attracted solely to her. It's in our DNA. It's a matter of survival of the species.
The idea of a man sowing his seed is easily understood. More seed, more offspring. What is less understood and rarely discussed is the woman's jealous protection of the integrity of the home unit. Rudyard Kipling wrote that the female of the species is deadlier than the male, and Christopher Hitchens wrote a great essay on why women are not funny--agree or disagree with Hitchens, the article is very enlightening on the necessity of this protection of the home in preservation of a species, including the human race. Very powerful stuff, this drive.
The key is balance. If not for the happy continuation of your relationship, for your own sanity you have to accept that your bf may go to another strip club, will look at other women, will even desire other women. It is an instinct he truly can't help and IT IS NOT AN INDICATION OF YOUR WORTH OR DESIRABILITY AS A WOMAN. Don't be the jealous hag who throws a tantrum when her honey's eyes stray to the tremendous rack or lucious booty that just walked by. Very unattractive and self-destructive.
On the other hand, you have the right to expect your man to respect you and your relationship and to refrain from making "uncontrollable" moans of lust, staring, flirting outright in your presence, and, of course, making a physical or emotional connection with someone else. The other side of the balance equation is whether he ACTS on his desires. Is he committed enough not to act on it? Is he strong enough not to act on it? Somewhere between his urge and his acts is where you have to find peace.
My best advice is to work on trying not to let his primal urge trigger that unchecked urge in you to fight for your man, including fighting your man for your man. I know from experience it's difficult, but as long as he exercises his will and does not act on his desires, you've got no worries.
I think youre a male. All you can change or control is your own attitude and the guy couldve have done something less stupid. SERIOUSLY. I wonder what ladies like you will do when your man goes to a strip club every time he gets piss after an argument. ITS NOT AN EXCUSE and CANT EVER BE ONE. Get real ladies, if he thinks he can pull that kind of shit, then think of the other types of shit he think he can pull. My advice is leave leave leave. A fight does NOT Justify stupid (SELFISH) behaviors, esp if he knew that going to a strip club would piss of his gf. NOT AN EXCUSE, he needs a fucken lecture on how to treat his women and the rules he need to play by, not "f*ck this, Im piss Im going to see some ladies swing on the poles". Hes being selfish, period. Walk out lady dont listen to bimbos like this.
Bimbo? tee hee hee
What a crock of shit! You go for a walk after a fight, not to a strip club! If you are okay with strip clubs (which in my opinion you should be) then he can go one night with the guys when the 2 of you didn't just fight. I would be livid and I'm a pretty laid back gf. There are plenty of other places he could have gone besides the place where he would a piece of ass waved in his face all night. If he were half an adult he would have either a) walked it off then talked to you about it b) stayed and figured it all out with you or c) said "let's not fight" and did something else with you instead. If sex was that much on his brain then it was the perfect opportunity for some make up sex. Make sure he understands its unnaceptable for it to ever happen again then move on with life.
If he think it was okay to go to a strip club after JUST AN ARGUMENT, think of the things he think he can do if yall were to continue to have problems. He sounds f*cken selfish and he sounds like a real immature bastard. GIRL drop him! You dont need to put with people like him. If he thinks its okay to do that while YOU GUYS ARE STILL TOGETHER, then obviously hes a selfish a-hole. Yeah, if you guys broke up he can do all the shit he wants, but if he did that out of just a argument, it sounds like trouble. Dump him before he cheats. Dont listen to MM.
Sorry to disagree with pretty much everyone else- but i full heartedly agree with MM.
Move on- it's not like you've never done anything stupid- and holding a grudge for something like this is deff stupid and ridic- let it go.
Men get mad and do stupid shit. I once head butted a steel shed when I was mad...I may have also been really drunk but that is beside the point...and someone suggested I do it as my friends are kind of asses and those were my frat days.
Us men do a lot of odd and uncool things when we are pissed off. It is not specified if he went alone or with friends, my bet is at least one friend was with him who suggested it. Whenever I have a fight or what not with my fiance my best friend always says "Strip Club" with a big stupid grin. Personally I hate strip clubs and I can't imagine ever going to one again, but some men will do it. Move on, it's silly to hold a grudge in this situation.
Men go somewhere to cool off, would you have preferred he go to a bar with his friends and bad mouth you or something? Disregard the tits in the equation, do not listen to those who say you need to dump him or whatever.
"Men get mad and do stupid shit"...so next time you get mad, do something stupid and see how he reacts. Or, think about how he would react if you had done something stupid and do the same. But I get it, you get into a fight and then he just goes to blow some steam off? Well, next time you get mad there's no reason you have to sit at home mad. Go out and blow off some steam, "do something stupid."
Is it really worth getting mad at everything he does? Is it really worth being in a relationship with someone that treats you like that? Do you really want to be constantly mad at all the "stupid stuff" he does?
I was being male specific as the question is based around a man doing something stupid. But if you want to be that specific, fine.
Men are definitely not the only ones who do something idiotic when they are mad. Many of my female friends do some crazy shit when angry, like hide the remote, take batteries out of gaming systems, unplug the router for the internet, or they go get drinks with their pals and tear their guy apart. I am not ashamed to admit that to some women I am a member of their 'girl talk' group....really don't know how that happened.
Ask yourself. Should the man really get upset at those things she does when she is upset? I think it is definitely not cool but how many people act properly when they are upset? If you are going through life and looking for these stupid little things people do when they are mad, and then judging a whole relationship on it, well then that's unfortunate for you.
I still don't understand how he 'treated' her. He was looking at women who were naked. Welcome to the 21st century. If I wanted to I could see hundreds of naked women in the next ten minutes. Plus, as I said, we have no idea if he went alone or with friends. Did he hit her? Threaten her? Break something? Belittle her? Emotionally assault her? Nope. He went to a strip club. Please, everyone, relax a bit.
Life is far too stressful as it is to use something like that as a deal breaking red flag
I agree with people who say that this is not a deal breaker. But still, why do men get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to strip clubs and naked women?
I, for one, am not sure what the "protocol" is for committed men and strip clubs, but when you are in a relationship (especially a long term one)...is it not reasonable for the woman to expect this "it's in our DNA" defence to mellow down a little bit? I'd probably feel shit if my boyfriend tells me not to worry when he goes to a strip club because it's just how they are and he can't help it.
Maybe it's just me but I find it weird that a committed man walking into a strip club isn't supposed to be a big deal. He is in a relationship yet he FREE-WILLINGLY goes in to see naked women. Surely not the best way to make you lady feel special?
No one giving him the benefit of the doubt - he was stupid. We all agree on that. Even he'd agree on that!
Now, as for going to strip clubs - most guys grow out of it as they settle down. It tends more to be a pack decision anyway, not something that a guy on his own would tend to do.
There is a range here. How much difference is there in your mind between going to a strip club, which are look don't touch and tend to have large, agressive bouncers to keep it that way (and are, quite frankly, dispiriting places to go), and looking at porn? Most men, even in a committed relationship, still look at porn. Is that equally wrong?
Add that to the fact they had just had a fight, and making her feel special was absolutely the last thing on his mind, and this time I am gonna give him a pass by reason of stupidity.
strip clubs are not the devil, come on!! sh*t, in MOST ALL strip clubs you CAN NOT TOUCH the girls shaking their titties and bootys in your face - im a GIRL and i go to strip clubs with my BF - it seriously is NOT that big of a deal - most of the girls at the clubs pay more attention to ME than to him :)
strip clubs are not the devil, come on!! sh*t, in MOST ALL strip clubs you CAN NOT TOUCH the girls shaking their titties and bootys in your face - im a GIRL and i go to strip clubs with my BF - it seriously is NOT that big of a deal - most of the girls at the clubs pay more attention to ME than to him :)
Guys go to strip clubs to have fun. To ask your man to never go to one because it bothers you is like emasculating him. Like no man is ever going to tell his friends he can not go because his wife/gf says he can't. He will never live it down... I give credit to the boyfriend for telling his girlfriend he went to a strip club. The timing after an argument was not great but it would be unwise to make him feel badly about going because if you do, he will only lie next time he does something he thinks you will not approve. Of course different story if he frequents strip clubs all the time! I am assuming he goes rarely...
I'm a girl, and I have been to a male strip club and ya know a regular strip club with my girl friends. Just for giggles. It's fun and it satisfies the curiosity but I wouldn't say I got any enjoyment (in THAT way) out of it. It's like going to the red light district in Amsterdam...it's fun to look at but you wouldn't necessarily want to get naked behind one of those curtains. Two very different things. In my own opinion - it would kind of be the last place I would go on my own if I just had an argument with my bf. There is nothing out of the ordinary in going to a strip club, but going on your own after a fight with your partner - weird, no? If my bf went to a strip club after we had a massive fight, I wouldn't feel betrayed but I would definitely feel it an absurd choice for him to make.
I would really feel like crap if my bf would go to a stripclub... I would feel like I'm not enough for him and I wouldn't feel special at all. If he wants to see a naked woman, I should be that woman. I wouldn't say it's as bad as cheating but I definetly would be hurt that he feels the need to go check out other naked chicks.... (and pay for it... WTF?)
The question is: why are you bothered?
Do you think that looking at strippers constitutes infidelity? It doesn't. Strip clubs are where you pay for the priviledge of viewing professional nude bodies (without intimacy). It's a simple business transaction.
Do you feel hurt that he'd patronize a service that objectifies women, or one that discriminately caters to one half of the population but not the other? Well, he probably didn't go there to let off some misogyny- he was just upset. We do stupid things when we're upset. I wouldn't read too much into it.
Is there some personal significance or history involved, something that strikes a personal nerve in you where strip clubs are involved?
Well, then he should have known better.
I don't think it's okay either. He did it because he KNEW it would hurt you, hence the timing of it. And I think strip clubs are a kind of infidelity - like when a girl starts grinding with a guy at a club when she already has a boyfriend. It's one of those things if you're not okay with it, then it's not okay for him to do it. I don't buy all this crap about how a man can't help his primal urges and he has to go ogle women. He'll be quoting the same bullshit logic when he cheats on you as well. Dump him. There are plenty of better men out there. Also, hiring a prostitute is a business transaction as well, and strippers are toeing the line mighty close.