Actually, statistically, all men watch porn. I'm not joking. They've actually tried to find guys who haven't seen porn for scientific purposes and literally couldn't find any.
So, how do you deal with this fact of life? First of all, he's with you, not them. Believe me, if a guy really wants a "porn star" type, they're fairly easy to find; you'd be amazed what some people are willing to do for approval.
Secondly, porn is fantasy, and that's it. There's a lot of stuff onscreen that guys find hot that they have zero interest in trying in real life: do a poll of guys and you'll find the infamous facial, for example, is a lot less popular than porn would have you believe. Once you accept it's not what he wants in real life, it becomes easier.
Finally, it helps to accept women and men have way different arousal mechanisms. Guys are pretty much mechanical in nature; they see something sexually stimulating, they get stimulated. Women are, as you well know, a lot more complex when it comes to arousal.
That said, he needs to respect that as well, so maybe he should hide the porn tapes while you're around.
lmao you kill me dan. "They've actually tried to find guys who haven't seen porn for scientific purposes and literally couldn't find any." so true though! it's time for women to just accept this at the global level. it probably bugs him just as much that you love to watch romantic comedies and sex and the city where you get all these "ideas" in your head about how romance SHOULD be. you aren't going to stop checking out the chick flicks any more than he's going to stop checking out the dick flicks, but that doesn't mean you are going to start banging robert pattinson any more than he's going to be banging dollface swallows.
If she’s not into it, he should respect that & shelf it when she is around...
I don't think just putting it away when she's around is the solution. It then becomes another issue - not only is he watching porn, hes hiding it from her. This needs to be something they discuss and come up with a mutually satisfactory way to deal with the issue.
Keep in mind that unilateral actions don't solve a problem that someone has with you, they just throw covers over it. Problems need to be resolved via solutions that both parties accept.
I don't think she was suggesting that he HIDE it. After all, the girlfriend already knows he watches it. I think silkysly was just suggesting that he just not watch it/talk about it around her...
Studies show that people who watch porn have unrealistic views about sex. They think porn is what real sex is about, when thats not the case. This means that all those guys watching porn, HAVE UNREALISTIC VIEWS ABOUT SEX especially with their wives/gfs. They need therapy, especially if he watches too much of it and cant distinguish between fantasy and real sex. Especially if hes hiding the fact that he watches it constantly, he can be addict. Dont let him continue this behavior, it will ruin both your relationship to one another. He may need to seek outside help, what he is doing is not healthy. Good luck.
correct me if i heard you incorrectly, did you just say anyone who watches porn needs therapy? could you direct me to the section of the DSM-IV that suggests that? and/or the "studies" you are discussing, because i would certainly like to see the control group data on those. and i'm just curious where you got the notion that he "watches it constantly" and is "hiding the fact"? thanks.
I watch porn quite frequently. And I watch a lot of things that turn me on that I don't necessarily want to do nor do I do in real life. Oh and I'm also female. Some immature guys might take the type of sex shown in porn as ideal and have unrealistic views but I think the majority do not.
I agree that sex shown in porn somehow causes unrealistic views, but I think it is more than the minority who for years have watched this stuff and venture into their first experiences with ideas of what they'd like to experience.
Why wouldn't a newbie go all out wildy finger banging, etc, when the chicks on the internet go orgasmic over it. Ask most gals and they will likely have a story to tell about some porn regular feature that has been tried on them. Sometimes it's almost worth faking an orgasm so the guy will stop.
While I am not bothered by guys watching porn, I do think it does give the wrong idea of what us gals like. This is why communication is so important. Telling your partner what you like and what doesn't work sure can improve the sex.
I definitely i agree with you, communication is key and if this guy completely respects his girl and the fact that its really bothering her -then he would stop watching. Because, seriously if the guy chooses the pornstars over her then you KNOW something is wrong.
I also think its completely wrong to say that porn doesnt affect people OR that it affects everyone. People are affected to different extents, some people take porn and it affects them directly, others are affected much more subtly, while others can see it and not care. Pornland is a pretty good book that explains all the subtle hardcore porn effects on men and women if anyone is interested -i had to read it more a college class XD
Here's how I deal with the infamous Porn Issue.
First of all, don't look at it as him being into the girls so much as the girl's bodies. I mean, guys watch porn to see boobs and vagina, primarily. And try to understand that nothing, NOTHING you ever do or say will change that about your guy. No matter how much he loves or respects you, he will always want to see naked parts, and let's face it, you're not always there for that.
Secondly, a good deal of porn involved penises as well. I'd bet that most guys get a twinge of insecurity from the formidable size and sexual prowess of male porn stars, and yet they don't let that stop them from watching it. Seems like guys just have a more objective view on sex, instead of taking it all personally like girls tend to.
Lastly, I watch porn on occasion, by myself. I actually suggest for every girl to watch it at least occasionally, especially if you have insecurities about your guy watching it. I love seeing the look on a guy's face when porn comes up, and they find out that TWO can play at /this/ game. Part of my issue with porn is that it's just too male-driven. If more women watched, and admitted to it, we might be able to tip that scale a little and level the playing field. They might even start making more porn that features attractive guys rather than the typical face-less dong-going-into-a-hot-chick technique.
It's all about leveling the playing field to me. Or, as they say, "If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em." Porn's here to stay; it's up to us how we want to deal with it.
i just feel like if a woman has had a talk with her man about porn watching and her man just say well honey i watch porn get over it i think that's just a little messed up its about compromise. My man likes to say that he will stop watching porn as much as he thinks i will stop goin to the gym and i am a fitness nut so he makes it impossible for him to try and see that we women just feel like wow your looking at another woman and getting aroused, that's cheating in a odd way. i feel especially when he has seen me bawl my eyes out over it and feels the need to still do it. Blatant disrespect is what it is. Single men watch all the porn you want, but how would you feel if your girl was watching porn of big jacked guys with huge penises and You were average. Just try and put the shoe on the other foot, I get that men are wired to see things sexy and get aroused and we cant always be there but I know that hey if my man is not there i just think of him, maybe my imagination is just better or i just go without because i want my man,i do not need to watch porn . men use the excuse all ,men watch porn as an excuse to continue to hurt their women and we deal with it we don't wanna loose them. Well if your man doesnt at least try and respect your feeling then maybe you should