Get it over with? You make losing your virginity sound like having your wisdom teeth removed.
What's your rush? So what if you aren't necessarily waiting until marriage? That doesn't mean you have to give it away to the next guy who rubs up against you with a hard-on. Virginity isn't a pork chop; there's no expiration date on it. Don't you at least want to save it for someone who means something to you?
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm romanticizing something that has already been over-romanticized. I'm not a girl, and male virginity is a different animal. That animal is a big dead albatross around the neck, something to be cut loose and tossed into the ocean as soon possible once you hit your teens. There's very little perceived value in being a male virgin in college; nobody pats you on the head and says, "Aw, good for you, you're saving it for someone special," like they might a female virgin. You ladies are lauded and admired for saving your flower for the right gardener; guys just have a weed that needs to be killed ASAP.
At least that's how society sees it. Truth is, your V is like anything else you own: it's yours and you can do with it what you like. To heck with what society or anyone else thinks. Once you've been intimate in other ways, as you have, I guess it's not that huge a leap to intercourse (except that intercourse carries greater physical risks than, say, oral sex, which should always be a consideration).
Still, my (sometimes old-fashioned) gut tells me that you should not, in the immortal words of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Give it away, give it away, give it away now." By that, I don't mean that you should resist having sex if and when you are ready. I only mean that there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, and you should feel no pressure to hand over your virginity. You have plenty of time and plenty of opportunities to lose it over the next four years, trust me. Like, every weekend. Including Thursdays, because most people start their partying on Thursday. Actually, you could lose it any old night. Or day. That's the great thing about college. There's always somebody somewhere gettin' it on.
Anyhoo... even though your first coital encounter will likely be forgettable, you will always remember to whom you offered up your virginity. So choose wisely, and make the lucky dude work for it like the rest of us had to work for ours. God knows I did. Wait. Not did. Do.
Excellent gardening analogies Cary!
I agree! (Wow..can I say that enough?)
She should do it when it feels right to her....and she will know when that is. Otherwise, she might regret it.
Excellent answer, Wise Ass!!
It's interesting to see something written on the pressure society puts on men concerning their virginity. As a girl I know of only the weird limbo where there's pressure to lose it but also the stigma of slut that comes with it. I guess it's just as bad to be pressured into losing it to prove your manhood.
Excellent advice, Cary!
"Virginity isn't a pork chop; there's no expiration date on it" HA HA HA! Made me imagine someone having a little "Best if used by...." stamp in smudgy blue ink on a certain part of their anatomy. :-D
Personally, I think both sexes should wait and save it for someone who means something to them, but that's just me, I suppose. Perhaps, the fact that I am a mother of two sons, has something to do with that too.
Well said, Cary!
I am over 30 and I'm still a virgin. I do plan on waiting until I get married and if I don't marry then I'm taking my hymen intact with me to the grave.
That's a very nice sentiment, but honey, you don't know what your missin!
seriously, popping the cherry isn't that big of a deal. yes, it can be awkward. but even if you are a sexual expert, if you are a professional mistress of the night and well known expert in nether region pleasure, it will be awkward. first times with a person always are. experiencing a first time with someone that you have an emotional connection with is way more relaxing, because awkwardness turns into loving knowing laughs, and then the focus can turn to fun. the self-consciousness with a fling, however, usually just turns into an embarrassing memory.
I waited a long time and in retrospect wish I had just gotten it over with. The longer you wait, the weirder guys think you are for waiting and the bigger deal it becomes in their eyes (even if it isn't in yours). If you aren't saving it for religious reasons or because it's important to you to save it for marriage, then I say find someone you like and trust and do it.
I have to disagree with this comment. I lost it my senior year of high school to a guy I liked, and my sentiment was to "just get it over with."
That guy ended up beating the hell out of me on a regular basis, and we split soon after. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could undo choosing him for my first time. I'm not saying you need to wait until marriage; but for your own good, don't just have sex with the first guy who wants to touch your cooter. You'll have a whole lot more respect for yourself if you wait for someone who actually matters.
Really so nice to hear these things from a wise guy...I do advice too that you give it to someone special to be memorable...Thanks Mr. Cary!
wow....good advice Cary! thanks for telling it exactly like it is. i understand the question though...sort of. i'm still a V but dont have any intention on waiting till marriage. just until it feels right, ya know? do guys really like a V anyway? i mean if u have no experience, its sort of a turn-off, isn't it?
You just made my future 'Birds and the Bees' talk so much easier. I'll be using the "Virginity isn't a pork chop" line with my daughters.
Thank you for answering this question. I have the same issue. I hook up with a lot of guys and they almost always expect that we'll be having sex. I always feel like I would...but not for the first time. It's annoying and awkward to repeatedly have to explain that you're saving it. So it can sometimes feel like I should just get it out of the way. But good advice about always remembering who that person is...I know I'm one to dwell on something like that, and down the line, I want to lose the big V to someone I love. Or at least...know.
"every weekend, including Thursdays" LOL! And "coital encounter"! Well hot damn, Cary, you made me giggle! And @Marci - I agree, "Virginity isn't a pork chop" talk with my 12 yr old step daughter is on the horizon! Actually, I think I'll use it with my 11 yr old son, too. There's no expiration date on it after all ;)
I was never planning on saving myself for any reason; even though I was in relationships and had been intimate before, the sex thing just never happened until I was 20 and met someone special. Now that someone special and I are engaged, and although it is kind of sweet that the guy I lost my V-card to ended up being the love of my life, in retrospect I wish I'd lost it earlier because he wasn't a virgin when we met and I feel kind of weird knowing that he is the only person I will have ever slept with while the same is not true for him. I guess it bothers me that he will always have something else to compare our sex to and I won't.
I know EXACTLY how you feel.
I'm 21 and I lost it a little over a year ago. Being in college and messing around with guys gave me a lot of anxiety about "losing it" because they were always prepared to go further than i was. Eventually, I met a dude who liked me a lot more than I liked him. He treated me really well though, so I decided that he would be the one. The event itself was forgettable, and I think he felt weirder about it than I did afterwards - but I never regretted it. For me, having sex was the final stage down a slippery-slope of sexual activity - so "getting it over with" actually made me feel better. No more anxiety.
...Don't get me wrong, I didn't turn into a slut after that (as a matter of fact, he's still the only guy I've slept with) but, like I said, "getting it over with" actually worked for me. :-)
Good luck.
I'm a born-again virgin. Not by choice, mind you.
"Virginity isn't a pork chop; there's no expiration date on it." - Cary
So, you mean I shouldn't have smothered my manhood in Shake-N-Bake and went around the neighborhood asking the cute girls if I could put it in their "oven"?
Boy where were you when I was 13-17?
And then again when I was 19-25?
I was 18 when I gave it away, 2 weeks before college, and while I was not dating him, he was one of my close close friends, and I did very very much love him. Unfortunately, he passed away two years ago (I'm 23).
They always say you very much remember the man you first sleep with, and I very much do. I don't really remember the sex (it was two in the morning, I was nervous, he was sweet, I climbed in and out of a window to get to it, stuff like that), and you know what? It really wasn't that important. He was the man who should have had my virginity, and that was that. I literally think through all of the people I have known through my life and wonder (especially after his death) if there should have been anyone else.
Nope. No one. I love you DJ, wherever you are.
In conclusion, Original Question Asker, don't just up and give that away, find that person, that person is special no matter who they are or how long the relationship lasts.
Make sure the person you choose to lose it to is someone you trust. I slept with someone I barely knew because I wanted to "get it over with", and honestly, I don't think I was ready. I should have picked the nice guy who liked me. Good luck!
I lost mine to my cousins best friend when I was 16... He picked me up from the movies which I went to with my stepdad. I had known him a whole school year, but we'd only hung out at my pool once before that. I knew he wasn't a virgin but I wad okay with that. I told him later he took my v-card and he felt bad. And I honestly regret it. Sometimes when I walk past American Eagle I smell his cologne and I start feeling sick because it brings back a memory that I would love to erase. I haven't had sex with anyone since then, its been just over a year, and my mom still thinks I'm a virgin. I still haven't talked to him since that night because it was awkward for me. Bottom line is don't just give it away to a guy you barely know like I did. If I could go back I wouldn't have just gave it away to him like I did.