Sure, in theory. But haven't you ever promised yourself or someone else that you would stop doing something but kept doing it anyway? Of course you have--you're human.
Wanting to change and actually changing are two very different things. The desire may be authentic, but putting that desire into action can be difficult. Habits take time to break, and people do not change overnight. Hell, I still don't do some of the things my wife wants me to do, and I've been promising to change since the late 80s. I truly want to honor her wishes, but it's tough, man. I did finally learn to stop making the jerking-off gesture when people are boring me and wasting my time with some long-ass, rambling, pointless, bullshit story, so I got that going for me. Now I'm working on changing the TP roll when it runs out.
Now, if by "taking it out on you," you mean abusive behavior, don't wait for that to change. Get out now. Never accept abuse.
Otherwise, be patient and give it a little time. Guys can be dense sometimes, and have to learn the same lesson over and over and over and over again before we finally correct our behavior.
As for your other question--why does he take it out on you?--it's because 1) he probably spends more time with you than anyone else, and 2) he feels secure enough in your relationship to show you his dick side from time to time. The latter is the same reason kids save their worst behavior for their parents--they know we aren't going to drop-kick them out the front door, even though we think about it. A lot.
Bad answer.
it really depends on what she meant by take it out on her......if it means grumbling moping and complaining while at home then it's not a bad answer, if he's too whiny/grumpy then she should dump him, and he covered the abue possibility....what should he have said?
good answer
Or perhaps just not the answer you wanted to hear.
oh my god, this is exactly what i am going through and have been going through for probably 6 mon- 1 year
I don't think that change is an easy thing. Most people will not be motivated to make a major change unless they have no choice. For example, my fiance has anger issues. I had to issue a serious ultimatum that I was going to leave him if he did not seek therapy. He knew that I meant it, he did not want to lose me and he entered therapy and seriously started to work on his problems.
Now, is your bf abusive to you??? Because that is an entirely different issue, abusive men need counseling and need to be seriously commited to change. If he is not, then leave him. NOW. He will not change his abusive ways without serious help from some sort of expert. If he will not even admit that he is abusive then it is pointless to think that he will ever change.
Assuming that he is not abusive towards you, then you need to communicate clearly how important it is to you that he make this change. Be compassionate and loving instead of critical or demanding. I think that women are more interested than men are by the idea of change. Women are always trying to improve themselves, their homes, their relationships, their friends relationships, etc... Men on the other hand usually just want things to be consistent in their relationships and for their partner to love them just as they are. If his behaviour does not make you happy and he refuses to change, then you should seriously examine whether or not you want to be with him in the long term. Good luck. :)
You know something, I can understand the grumpy, angry part of this situation. There might need to be some understanding open communication between these two individuals. Maybe her boyfriend isn't abusive, perhaps there is a deeper underlying issue that needs to be addressed, and her boyfriend might actually be more fragile and feel vulnerable talking about such issue(s) Patience is needed when it comes to situations like these. Kindness is needed, both individuals need to take each others feelings into consideration. I hope it works out positively for the both of them.
It could also be a communication issue.
What she calls "taking out on her" might be what he calls "venting". I know this is true for me. If I put things the same way I would to my buddies to my wife, she take very great offense to it, because we communicate in different ways. The reverse is also true, I find that I have to remind myself that she is frustrated at the people she is dealing with NOT me. It helps to put it in perspective when I realized that despite the fact that it feels like she's attacking me because she was offended by them, in reality she has nothing against me!
It's not easy, though. And I won't pretend to have the final solution, because sometimes we just end up not talking about our frustrations. But often, I do find if I just sit there and try really hard to listen to what she is saying and remind myself that it's NOT about me. That I can get through a rant session without being offended or worse offending her by making a comment that makes it worse.