Men just aren't as articulate as women. That doesn't mean we don't boil with emotion. But sometimes, verbally sparing with a woman is like putting together IKEA furniture while wearing mittens. It's frustrating.
Sometimes I think relationship fights should be settled by skee ball.
That said, I would return the favor when he goes silent. He wants control of the situation, and he's getting that. He's not resolving the argument, or communicating, or getting to the core of why the two of you are disagreeing. He's doing only what it seems he can do -- control the fight by shutting down. It drives you crazy, right? That's the point. He probably also hates the drama of it all and will do anything to just stop the madness.
Here's the thing about relationship fights -- everybody loses. Both the man and the woman. Because it's the opposite of communication. It's a sign of two people being uncompromising, refusing to listen, grow, and forgive. And love is forgiveness... within reason.
So I recommend returning the silent treatment and waiting him out. Drop the topic. Give it some time. Let him think and stew. Give him some space. I'm pretty sure your campaign to get through to him has short-circuited his BROgramming (Gawd, I'm a hack.)
And then, one day, whilst snuggling on the couch, get to the point. Don't be accusing or mean or emotional. Just straight-up tell him "I was really hurt/upset/angry the other day because of X. I'm not now. But I want you to know why I was that way. Maybe next time, we both won't end up in a squabble." For the record, I'm not suggesting you hide your feelings and let them turn into tumors. Just... back off.
I'm assuming, of course, that the reasons you two are fighting are misdemeanors. Those little wrinkles that you think are gaping wounds.
Great advice!
If you've tried everything and he's not talking and trying at all, then you should dump him. Thus guy sounds really immature and it seems like you are putting way more effort into the relationship than him. Find someone who you can communicate with...and who's actually capable of saying words during a time of trouble.
No no, don't dump him. Have hot hate sex. Whenever my boyfriend pissed me off we would have hot angry sex. I don't know if that necessarily resolved the issue, but it was fun lol. Dont underestimate the power of the pussy
"The Power of the Pussy"
That sounds like an awesome superhero! She could have pink "P's" on her outfit, with a red cape and kneehigh boots and a sidekick named Clam.
Sorry, went off on a little tangent there...
Few things piss me off as much as sullen silence. Seriously, we can't discuss things like adults? When did reverting to kindergarten rules get a relationship anywhere? I just started ignoring it, in the end.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
"Seriously, tell me whats up."
"I told you, nothing!"
"Alright, cool. I'll be outside if you need me."
Obviously, it eventually ended with me being single so I don't know how far I would recommend it as a strategy, but if they're going to act like babies about it, what else can you do?
I wish I would've had this advice a loonnnng time :P I think it applies to many men!
Silence isn't the solution but it really is true that men and women have a completely different perspective on communication. A successful relationship is one that is filled with enough love that instead of getting physically angry you can take a deep breath, step back, and realize that whatever is upsetting now isn't something you want to lose your love over. Sometimes breaking the silence with both I'm sorry and I love you is really all the person needs to hear. I know no advice can conquer every circumstance but with true love....relationship disagreement are not solved with hate sex or dismissal of the other person's mental capabilities...just a thought.
The silent treatment? Really? Is he four?
A huge part of relationships is addressing problems/differences and moving forward. Silent treatment = moving backwards.
Something tells me all the commenters here haven't read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". The silent-when-I'm-mad thing is something most men do (I'm not saying all!). Women automatically feel better when we rant about our issues, that's wha we do. Men prefer to figure things out on their own in their "cave" before they're ready to come out and talk. Not only that, they don't want us to offer them advice, they want to ask us first. Something to chew on...I'd say, get used to the silent thing...it may just be how he deals with his feelings (better he keep it to himself than start a huge fight). He'll talk about it when he's ready, trust me.
Yeah...The author of that book is divorced.. So much for being the expert
Is it wrong that I enjoyed the irony in that?
Nope.
Wow, I must really be behind the times. John Gray is divorced?
I always did wonder a little if he was in the closet. Am I the only one who thinks this?
My boyfriend does the same, although I've never thought of it as the "silent treatment" because that sounds like something malicious. It isn't. He just needs space sometimes to let thing settle down. The few times we have had major fights, after the major yelling comes a couple of days where we don't talk. It is EXCRUCIATING for me to wait since I prefer to resolve things right away, but it always ends up for the better. He always comes to me eventually, and then we have a calm discussion about the issues until we are both cool with the outcome.
Again, not ideal for me but as long as it works out in the end it is tolerable. I'd rather him actually listen to what I have to say and that is most likely to happen when he is ready.
my dad did that to my mom and he's now twice divorced. If he's giving you the silent treatment, beware. Apparently he also gave me the silent treatment when I was 6 months old and wanted my mom not my dad. Dump his ass.
Agreed. My father does the same thing to my mom, and now he's doing it to me too. It's pretty much a version of emotional abuse. Don't put up with it. A person who uses the silent treatment consistently as "punishment" NEVER resolves their issues. If you bring up the argument with them (it doesn't matter how), they will deny any fault in the matter, shout, rant, rave at you, and then lapse back into cold silence.
This is different from the "pulling away to cool off". Cooling off doesn't take days, weeks, months. Cooling off doesn't mean you refuse any communication with the target. Or refuse to acknowledge that the other person exists. Or turn your back on them whenever the person enters a room.
If someone is just cooling off, they might grunt at you when you ask a question or limit communication But eventually they're open to discuss the original problem. They'll be willing to apologize and recognize that they might have overreacted or said something they regret. Someone who gives the silent treatment regularly NEVER apologizes. In fact, they usually believe themselves to be infallible.
My advice: If this is a regular occurrence, get out while you can! Do not invest so much into the relationship (get married and have kids...) that it is too difficult to end it without imploding the lives of those dependent on you. This kind of behavior shouldn't be tolerated. Ever.
An interesting talk will be worth review. I feel that you must write on this topic, it might not certainly be a taboo matter however usually everyone is insufficient to dicuss on this sort of themes. To the next. Cheers