Smart man. He pulled a classic chick move.
I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed a woman basically pull the plug on a relationship via an ultimatum or just a steadfast declaration of being done - usually a bluff, mind you - then decide that even though she ACTUALLY is the one who ended the relationship, the man's lack of determination to fix or address their problems was the reason the relationship died. Basically, she breaks up with him, but because he didn't do anything to stop her, (to women) technically, he is the one who ended the relationship and therefore she is the one entitled to be hurt and morose.
It's happened to me. At least twice. I find it humorous.
So he's effectively laying the guilt trip on you. When he broke up with you, he expected you to stop him or do something to make him think you still wanted to be there. It's the ultimate passive-aggressive a$$hole move...the bluff. When the bluff doens't work, they get in their feelings. If anything, I'd just remind him that, "hey buddy, you pulled the trigger, not me. Get over yourself."
But the truth is, you probably just didn't break up with him so as not to be the bad guy, so he's probably right to feel how he does. You only win by technicality when the truth is, he just did the heavy lifting for you.
The acceptance of the breakup is usually just as bad to the other party as their suggestion of it. That gives them the leeway to flip it around on you. In their minds, they didn't break up, they put it out there as a possibility and you accepted.
You bastard.
Wow, people actually do this? When I break up with someone, it's for good. As in I never really want to see that person again.
yes, most of my actual "real" relationships ended as train wrecks. Hence why I find the FWB situation much better. Train wrecks avoided.
i broke up with my boyfriend but hed never let me go, so i waited (miserable) til he finally broke up with me and then i was like cool, see ya..
- hes been whining and calling and bitching and stalking for months. will NOT get over it.
whenever the break up happens, especially if he initiates it, i very calmly ask are you one hundred percent sure you want to break up, because that's it, when it's over it's over. i still love you (if applicable, i don't say it if i don't) but i will not be here if you change your mind. i take the same approach to doing the breaking up. i only do it if i mean it it. otherwise if there's a promlbem i feel needs fixing i say "there's a problem that needs fixing" lol
Wow this is basically my life except substitute a "few months" for a "few days" (yeah the wounds are still pretty fresh). My ex dumped me (by a text message no less) but because I said I didn't want to have to deal with him ever again, he's making me seem like I'm the bad guy.
Same thing happened to me. My boyfriend had been a dick to me for a while, and while we were sorting things out about that, and as he was likely going away to school in a few months, I decided to stick it out until then. Then he dumped me without citing any specific reasons- he even clearly said that I hasn't done anything wrong and had in fact been extremely patient and forgiving. Eventually he came crawling back, but I was already over him. When he couldn't deal with my not wanting him back, he spent the next year or more treating me like I was the bad guy, that I had broken his heart. I was eventually able to distance myself enough that I no longer cared if he wanted to be emo over the fact that he couldn't get over himself enough to see that not everything was about him.
In the end, if you're broken up, then his emotional state is no longer his concern. Who cares if he wants to be moody and depressed over his decidion, and who cares if he regrets it? That's what he gets. Just move on without him. Move on.
I agree here and I'll admit that it is a little rude to say it's just a chick move. I've had the same thing happen to me a few times, too, so it's obviously NOT just a 'chick move'. In fact, my best friend has had the same thing happen to her a few times, too. It's an 'immature person' thing, not a 'chick thing'.
Also, as far as being hurt in a relationship, I could write the book. But I realize that not all men are scum and don't treat every new man I meet as if he's already wronged me. Maybe you should try to do the same, Panama.
Panama, some of your answers have sounded really bitter recently...I mean, did some woman hurt you really badly a while back?...Because you've got a really noticeable chip on your shoulder. Your answers tend to drip with a really ugly sexism. This question is about a GUY doing something stupid and yet it's still a "chick move" just because a couple of women have done it to you. Poor baby.
Or maybe the phrase "classic chick move" just pisses me off.
Why would you call her a bastard?
That was sarcasm
How funny that I stumbled across this! My last boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of the year. I asked him if he was completely sure about this and he was. Two months later, he starts emailing me LONG emails reminiscing our times together and tells me he's lost sleep over letting someone special like me go. Who does that?! I told him I was already at peace with the situation, stop feeling guilty for ending things, and good luck in life. I had already moved on. For a couple of months, he'd send monthly emails similar to the long initial one after our breakup. I never responded to ANY of his emails. For what? An ex is an ex for a reason. He made the choice to end our relationship. I made the choice to keep it in the past. Both men and women should realize that as the dumper, don't expect the dumpee to feel your remorse and take you back because simply we may not want you back. I can't speak for everyone, but I know I didn't want my ex back in my life whether it be a friend or something more. Now I'm with someone who's a better fit for me overall. :)
The EXACT same thing happened to me.
So much for this being a "chick" move.
Ok my boyfriend just dumped me on halloween through the phone he was crying saying he loved me and my four year old but needed time and space to figure things out.yes I'm hurt I love him still.we never fought, argued, nothing it was totally out of the blue....but I have emailed him a few times with no reply hes acting like I was the dumper....I'm hurt but then he text today saying he needed time to figure out what was best for him.so am I supposed to just sit back and wait on him...in the meantime my daughter cries for her step dad
I am guilty of pulling this so-called 'chick move' but I really don't think that being upset after a guy fails to meet an ultimatum is irrational at all. Women do not end relationships because there's nothing wrong, and if we do so after telling him what he needs to do to make it work it is only out of necessity. So yes, I was the one who called up my boyfriend and essentially ended things, and yet afterwards I still felt miserable and pathetic and seeing guys with the same trainers as him makes me want to cry.
That said, there is a difference between being miserable in this situation and actually making it known to your ex that you're miserable. This guy should get some pride.
I have been in bondage ever since my ex leave for another woman, It was really hell for me and everybody told me to forget about him but i could not because i love him so much, Things get worse until my friend Gina introduced me to this great spell caster Dr. kuma and i contacted him through his email (ultimatespelltemple@gmail.com) i explain everything to him and he cast a spell for me immediately after three days, everything turn around and my ex george come to me on his knee begging for forgiveness that i am the one and only woman in his life now. i was surprise i have never seen such a miracle in my life. I am so thankful to this man and i will forever publish his name ultimatespelltemple@gmail.com