Well you need to take a two pronged attack. 1) you need to just stop. Like literally. Actually stop doing it.
Easier said than done right? Well that's where step comes in:
2) Get a life.
Sounds harsh I know, but the truth is, the only reason you have the time to even stalk and do all this is because you're obsessed it and made it your hobby. Thing is, all the stalking in the world won't change the outcome. So defriend them. Stop googling. Go meet new people of your own. It has to suck to have moved so far away from home only to constantly get caught up in what's going on back there.
It's not an easy process to move on. I know. But it's been three years. At some point even you have to acknowledge that it's a bit ridiculous to still be caught up. I realize they both probably hurt you beyond belief. But you're giving power to people who aren't focused on you and obviously never were. And you won't be happy until you let that hurt and pain go. Forgive, but never forget. I'm sure that's even in the Bible. Or at least a really good quote book.
Just take it a day at a time until it becomes your habit. Your habit will become NOT checking on them until one day you'll look up and realize you don't care anymore.
Trust me, it works. We've all been there.
Read "Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody. Not all of it may apply to you and there are some labels in there that seem off-base at first but if you look at the mental/behavioral cycle of these types of obsessive relationships you may just find the strength to move on, value yourself, and live a more content life. It's been helpful for me. I'm 40 years old and married and just realizing that I have no idea how to have a healthy relationship.
BFF..that does sound harsh but I understand your point. I think this person needs to take a good look at their behavior and emotional cycles (not just the ex), come to grips with their own reality, and learn to take care of (and value) themselves. It's all about healthy boundaries.
Since she said this was a messy breakup, I'm guessing there's lingering resentment which feeds the need to e-stalk. I recently saw a quote that seems to fit this scenario. "Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your head!". Give them an eviction notice and upgrade to better digs! ;) Good luck.
Thank you for answering my question.