No, not really. They rarely work out, and here's why: a relationship is about spending time with another person, getting to know him and seeing him in different kinds of real-life situations. For that, you really need to be face to face.
Yes, you can get to know someone over the phone or internet, but only to a point. Think of it as the difference between an original document and a fax; one is real, the other is a representation -- a facsimile -- of the real thing, and not nearly as defined or true. In the virtual world, we have more control over our words and actions. We can show our best face more often, and, while there's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't paint a completely accurate picture of who we are.
In the real world, we make mistakes. We say and do the wrong things sometimes. Our missteps make us human and real, and everyone wants a partner who is real. You will never get a 100% real view of another person through electronic communication, no matter how often you talk or how honest you are with each other. It's just not possible.
Don't underestimate the physical aspect of the relationship, either. You can type OMG I wanna kiss you soooo much xoxoxoxox a zillion times but it will never have the power of one real-life kiss. Ditto touch, ditto sex. Physical contact is crucial; Skype and IM are great, but they make a poor foundation for a solid, healthy bond.
As always, there are exceptions. If you're in a face-to-face relationship first and are then separated by circumstances (military, school, mission to Jupiter), the odds are much higher that you can pull off the long-distance thing, at least for a while. Some couples having difficulties can also benefit from a temporary separation. I think the longer that you've been together in person, the longer you can withstand being apart.
No relationship will survive forever without adequate face time, though. Like a plant that doesn't get watered often enough, a long-distance romance without a physical, in-the-same-zip-code aspect will eventually wither and die.
Well said. In an electronic relationship, you will have an altered view of each other. Communicating via phone or internet won't give a true depiction of the other person's character. There really is something to be said for the power of touch too. It is an essential element in a relationship that is going to last, I think.
It's especially hard to keep any sense of normalcy when the guy lives far away and is a player. I just ended an 8 mo. "non-committed, everything but the real thing, non-relationship" with a guy. I tried so hard to keep it real and let him know there are some good gals out there (me) who can really care, but the lure of the game that he's "played" for the past 25 years was too much for him to give up. I know I got to him at times...I know he was real some of the time...
Thanks again, Mr. Wise One...it hits me really...sad reality...I guess I better plan a trip soon.
Okay,I've just started dating this guy I really like. We tried to date a few weeks ago and he broke my heart because he thought he wasn't ready. Then this Saturday he told me he made a huge mistake and that he wanted to be with me. I told him that he'd be on probation until I felt I could trust him again. He's been acting different [in a good way] and I'm starting to trust him again. The only thing is school ends next week and he goes home to Maryland for the summer. Are these 3 months going to be okay, or will whatever we have die?
Absolutely well said, Mr. Wise Guy.
I completely agree with you, and I say this despite the fact that a few days ago I unexpectedly began a long distance relationship... In person, not electronically.
We are just an hour far by plane so seeing each other won't be too hard, and if things go well I'm open to considering moving to his country (with my own house, not living together until/if it becomes the next natural thing to do) to see how it goes, since I firmly believe what you said about the necessity of vicinity in a relationship. And if things go wrong... well, I can come back. Or I might like it there and stay there anyway. :)
I disagree, to an extent. Yes, long distance relationships are hard. Very much so. I would advise someone to be very against it unless you like or love the person very much. It can be hard, with no physical interaction. Definitely. You want to touch someone, hold someone. But that's not all there is in a relationship, is there? Of course, it's a huge aspect. But that's not to say that it would NEVER happen or the relationship is completely lacking. My boyfriend and I have already had several misunderstandings and have gone through a few trust and communication issues that we have conquered and come out as a stronger couple and stronger individuals. That works the same as in what most would consider a "normal" (hate to us that word, relative as it is) relationship.
I started talking to this guy through twitter, then email, then msn, then video/voice chats and phone calls... and I fell for him. Hard, and without even really knowing it until it happened. It was so unplanned, by both of us. My sister married a man she met online, and I thought that I would never want to get in a relationship that way. Funny how life springs some surprises on you sometimes, isn't it?
There are tons of problems, yes; but we both love each other so much that we can't back out of it. It's been over seven months now, and I'm completely happy I'm still in a relationship, even a long distance one. Because I know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can keep on going knowing that I will be with him one day, once financial problems and college (for us both) are through. But would I advise someone to readily go into a long distance relationship this way? It all depends on how important the other person is to you, and how much you are willing to risk to be happy in the end. It could be a long road. But who knows? It could be easier. I guess you never know until you try, but knowing if the person means enough to you to try is very important.
I had 2 boy friends that were long distance and yeah they both went south. (But for differant reasons.) Although, I can honestly say that they "can" work because my step-dad works out of state and only comes home on weekends, and they've been married for 13 yrs.
Building a new relationship is a whole lot harder than maintaining an existing one. The easiest one to weather is the temporary stuff if you’re committed to the relationship you just have to figure out a way to survive the difficult months. There are different kinds of relationships across the miles and miles and they require different things. When my husband leaves for weeks or months and a time. I love to visit captaincupid.com you’ll learn from others, share your experiences and re-discover sex. They offer online shopping you can trust, a welcoming community and a wealth of inspiring resources. They celebrate the fact that sexuality can be expressed in many ways.