Is it reasonable to want to know why he never called back? Sure. Is it reasonable to want to ask him? Yes. Should you do it? Nah.
Hey, I understand how you feel. We've all been there. "What did I do wrong?," you ask yourself. "Was it something I said? Something I wore? My breath? How I kiss? My inverted nipples? My au naturel lady bits? That thing I said about his ex being a whore?"
Proactive people like you always want to get to the bottom of it. You want reasons. You want answers. You want the truth. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Maybe you can, but why do you want it? To argue with him? To convince him he's wrong? How will you feel if he gives you a list of reasons he doesn't like you? You'll get your closure, but your self-esteem might take a hit. You'll also look desperate in the process.
I don't know how long you dated this guy, but do the reasons he stopped calling you really matter? For starters, there probably aren't any real reasons. People just don't mesh sometimes. That's life. "We just weren't compatible," they'll say. "No chemistry." No one did anything wrong; it just wasn't a good match.
If he does have reasons, who cares? He's one guy with one opinion (and you know what they say about opinions). Are you going to take his critique and a make a list of things to change about yourself? I hope not. If you've had lots of dates with lots of guys and no callbacks, yeah, okay, there might be something you're doing to drive them off, and you might want to figure out what it is. But one guy? Pffffft. F**k him, he's an idiot.
Another reason to let it go is that it's good practice for the rest of your life. This won't be the last time you get rejected without knowing why; it happens all the time, and not just in romance. Someone gets promoted over you at work. You get laid off and that lazy, incompetent jackass in the cube across from you gets to stay. You don't get invited to a neighbor's party. The girls go to dinner without you. You run for PTA at your kid's school and don't win. Life is full of rejection, and we rarely know the reasons. You have to learn to shrug and say, "Fiddle-dee-dee" and move on. It's hard, but you gotta do it, otherwise you spend your life obsessing about what might be wrong with you. That's no way to live.
Of course, I can't stop you from writing this guy if you must. Just don't expect an answer. If you do get one, don't expect to like it.
I say move on. If he can't appreciate what you have to offer, that's his loss. Save your emotional energy for someone who deserves it.
Well said. Bottom line is he's not interested. Why he isn't interested in you doesn't really matter. There's no point in wasting any more of your time on someone who isn't interested in you.
soooooo.........im assuming waiting outside his house to bash em over the head with a blunt object & drag his lifeless,now naked body to the nearest crowed corner & hang a sign over his head that reads "im an a**hole cuz i dumped an awesome lady for some dumba** reason that is surely inaccurate & I should be lucky to ever meet someone as sexy,witty & unbelievably funny as she is!"? oh & incase you're wondering,im asking for a friend.
Thanks Cary. This was my question and I heard exactly what i needed.
It was less about me dwelling on him... I know I'm a catch, or at least, I know I deserve a guy that doesn't go from a doting Hugh-Grant-in-a-romantic-comedy to a MIA POS the next. (How do you like them acronyms?!) I just am that proactive type that you nailed head on.. Needing an answer because it just really didn't make sense to me that he went AWOL. But I've come to realize that sometimes closure isn't in the cards.
As always, i appreciate your honesty and rational answer. Deleting his number ... Now! Peace out, his loss.
This is a classic "He's Just Not That Into You" case. I know its tough to think about, because he just disappeared. I've had tons of guys disappear on me before. But think of his disappearance as his final answer. Do you really want to hear the reasons why he just couldn't call or email you again? This is a person who, when faced with the idea of going out with you or seeing you or even sending a simple email to you again, thought to himself, nah. I'm sorry if that came out a little harsh, but I was in your situation before many a time and I had to find out the hard way that sending him a "what gives" email DOESNT WORK. It only works in our mind because its what we think we want to hear. He's the chicken, and don't waste any more time thinking about him because he couldn't dignify your beautiful, wonderful self with any form of valid response. Move on to a guy who actually is into you enough to call, email, and want to see and speak to you, because girls shouldn't have to settle and get hung up on guys' rude behavior.
Love your answer, Cary! I just recently gave up on trying to figure out the "what gives" question, and let me tell everyone, I've never felt better. So worth it to move on, and find another great catch.
Yeah, great answer. What I learned from being the proactive type is that you will rarely get a bluntly honest answer anyway. Guys don't like to hurt girl's feelings. So, if he just wasn't ready for something serious, or there were things about your personality he didn't like, he'll rarely give you a solid strightforward answer....and the outcome stays the same regardless of the reason!
I recently had a guy do a disappearing act on me after a couple months of dating. For me it isn't about closure, it's about respect. Especially since he apparently does this to all the women he dates. (At age 30, he should be more mature than that by now.) We have lots of mutual friends, so we'll probably run into each other again which makes his disappearing act even more ill conceived. Anyhow, I sent him a quick, polite text telling him it's disrespectful to pull a disappearing act and that I'd had some hesitations about continuing to date him, so if he'd just said it wasn't working for him we could have parted amicably. That would have made future run ins at mutual friends' parties a lot less awkward. I know it's his problem, not mine and I wasn't surprised when I didn't get a response. (Didn't care, actually. I moved on pretty quickly.) However, I don't regret sending the text because I think sometimes we need to step up when guys aren't respectful and call them on it.
See, your reasoning is what made me question if I should text/email and "call him out." But think about it... Won't your response to the situation make future run-ins at a mutual friend's shindig THAT much more awkward?!
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