Oh, honey, no. No, no, no. It will be different all right, and not in a good way. Marrying this guy anytime soon is a terrible idea. You two don't even know each other.
The problem with long-distance relationships is this: they aren't the same as real-life relationships, no matter how much they seem so or how much we want them to be. Yes, you can get to know someone over e-mail and texting, but only to a point. In an LDR, you only see what the person wants you to see, and that's usually all the good stuff and very little of the bad. This is just human nature; we all want to put our best feet forward. Problem is, it's an inaccurate picture of the other person because it is carefully managed and somewhat contrived by its very nature.
The only way to get to know someone--I mean really get to know them--is to spend a lot of time around them in person over many months or, even better, years. It takes time so see how someone behaves on a daily basis, how they react in a variety of life situations, how well their character remains consistent over the long haul. You have to observe them "in the wild," spontaneous and unguarded, warts and all, before you can know them, and that takes time.
My wife and I dated almost three years before we got married, and I think that's a big reason we've stayed together for so long. We knew exactly what we were getting in each other (and yet she showed up at the church anyway. Go figure.). There were still surprises in store for us, but nothing so dramatic that it made us second-guess our decision to tie the knot.
I realize you two have spent a little time together in the flesh, but you said yourself that it's mostly sex and small talk. Anyone can be on his best behavior for a day or three; I do it every time I go to my in-laws'. I'm not saying that your guy is a beast who's hiding his dark nature from you; I'm saying that you just don't know. You don't know who he is or what he's really like, only what he shows you for 48-72 hours or what he tells you about himself on GChat.
Do you really want to marry someone you barely know? I wouldn't.
His proposal is flattering but ridiculously premature. You shouldn't even think about marriage until you, I dunno, go on a real date with this guy at least once or twice. It's not that you're putting the cart before the horse; your cart and horse aren't even in the same state. You need face time with this dude and lots of it before you vow to spend the rest of your life with him, dontcha think?
I do.
Thanks for the question.
I've always said that I have no faith in long-distance dating. Most of what Cary mentioned is common sense, but I suppose you're going to need a wake-up call if you're blinded by love.
Long engagement maybe? Do they have plans to live togehter before they marry? Who is moving & who isn't? Good luck with whatever you decide.
That could work, as long as they spend the bulk of the engagement face to face. I'm still troubled that a guy would propose to a girl he barely knows. I'm wondering if he just blurted it out in the heat of the moment and doesn't want to take it back because he's embarrassed.
yes, yes, yes, so true, troubled, yes. i was in a long distance thing and was looking at houses with the guy one weekend together only to find out the following weekend that he had been cheating on me. and i will say he was the ONE guy i had ever met that i would have said would never do that, so never say never. serious face to face time completely needed here. LDR's CAN be lovely, AND the best of both worlds, but one of your worlds is reality (your day to day life) and the other one is this beautiful romantic illusion. which is nice, but until that becomes your reality and your day to day, it doesn't last. good luck!
I think your chances of having a successful marriage will be much better if you know who you are marrying really well first. I agree with Cary in that you need to see how your guy acts around others, his friends, your friends, his family and yours. You need to see how he reacts to different situations and see how he is in good moods and bad moods, both his and yours, to really judge his character and whether or not you are compatible with him. My husband and I dated for five years (one and half of those years were long distance) before we were married. We've been married for 25 years and counting now. It's possible you two could get married now, and it would work out well, but I think your chances of having it last will be much better if you give it some time and make sure you're making the right decision before rushing into marriage.
Wait. Wait Wait. Stop bashing long distance!! How long have you been in a long distance relationship for? She didn't say she just met this guy! How old are you? Are you happy where you are in life? I think these are key things to take into consideration.
I've been on and off long distance for 4 years with my boyfriend. On and off due to the nature of his job, but I knew what I was getting myself into when I met him. The longest we have lived together in the same house in the same country has been 5 months straight at a time. His parents live half way round the world but i speak to them often and they visit us twice a year. I also have a very close relationship with his sisters who are my age and I see them often as they live near our home. Sometimes I see him 2 days a month, sometimes 2 weeks a month or sometimes i go and stay with him for a whole month wherever he is, It really just depends on the situation. We speak every day, frequently. It has its ups and downs like every other relationship. I do know that even through millions of miles - I know this man, i love this man, and if he asked me to marry him I would say yes, without any hestitation. We have been through so much together, it would be silly to think I would be hesitant just because I don't have the liberty of seeing him face to face everyday!
Even if we get married this situation will never change, he will always have to travel due to his job and I'm okay with that, as I have been since the day that I met him. Many of the people in his line of work are in the same situation, so I know a lot of couples in long distance relationships and marriages, some with families some without. I have seen al ot them work and a lot them that don't. It's a lot of work and not everyone is cut out for it.
I think if you have just met this guy (or any guy for that matter) and they asked you to marry them straight off the bat then you should give it some time. It would be totally flippant to rush into marriage with someone you just met but silly to rush into marriage with someone you have just met but never get to spend so much time with. Sure, things are going to be different when you move in together and you start spending more time together, but it might not necessarily be a BAD different. Sure you could end up finding out that the guy is a completely different person to what you thought, but what if you find out that he is the man you are meant to be with for the rest of your life? You don't know, nobody does! When you move in with someone you don't know what you are getting yourself in for unless you try it! I'm pretty sure unless you're married with kids you have no idea what marriage and kids are like unless you go and have both! If you are feeling anxious about it then you should accept his engagement and try living together first before you get married. OR try living in the same city first in different appartments if marriage or living together is too much of a commitment for you. I wish you all the best!
i had known the man i was talking about for 13 years when he cheated on our LDR, we started dating at the 11 yr mark of our friendship, so were "together" about 2 yrs. you are right, they can work when both people want them to, but it takes a lot of work and committment from both parties, it's just very hard to find that. kudos to you!
Don't bash long distance relationships! I'm in a very nice one myself. We see each other regularly, about once every 3 weeks, talk over the phone once a week, and text almost constantly. Been doing this for about 3 years. I know the good AND the bad AND sometimes the really ugly, so I hate to tell you that you don't just get "the good" when you date long distance.
It depends on how long you've known each other. How old the two of you are, and how long and how often you're going to spend time with each other before you get married.
It won't necessarily turn out BAD. Have some faith in humanity, and a little more faith in love.
V.true. Sometimes people on the out looking in tend to romanticize long distance relationships. I dislike the way some people just write them off as a farce, like your relationship is far inferior because you might not get to see your other half as often as you would like. Sometimes if I haven't seen my bf for two weeks or however long it is, and the two weeks or whatever time I do get to spend with him could be from sorting out our mortgage, to making decisions that can only be made if he's there or else catching up on arguments that generally should be done face to face. It's not all bullshit small chat and romance. You're right it can be really ugly! And Chrissie, it's a shame for you, but not every long distance relationship will end in cheating, the opportunity is there just as it is in any relationship. Maybe there's less chance for the person to find out..but.. if he's gonna cheat, he's gonna cheat.
Bashing? No one's bashing. I was asked a question and answered it as honestly as I could, which is sort of the reason I'm here, btw. You might not always agree, but such is life. Would you rather I lie and tell you what you want to hear?
If you have a successful long-distance relationship, good for you. There are always exceptions. But I still say that in most cases, LDRs simply do not work.
Oops, there I go bashing again.