Yes, of course you can say you are a virgin. Rape is foremost an act of violence, not a sexual act. You were burglarized to the core. What's more, there should be absolutely nothing in your impending sex life that should be reminiscent of what happened to you. I'd say you lost (only/and substantially) a big part of your psychological virginity, but when it's time for you to have meaningful sex, you will be virgin to it.
There are no virgin police out there; none that are worth speaking to, anyway. And, trust me, don't get tripped up about your hymen not being intact or the potential lack of blood in the future. Most/many women lose that membrane back on the playground or in gymnastics class or simply by talking to me.
But, I suppose the more important point is not one of can I convince you that you're a virgin on the terms of logic or semantics, but rather, can you get to a place that you once again feel like a virgin, and find truth in calling yourself a virgin. I hope you can and I think you should work towards that. You can't control that someone trespassed you, but you can work towards controlling its ripple effect.
In time, when you lose your virginity, any man worth half a bag of Doritos will understand your full story and support you.
Good luck, and just in case, like I've written to anyone posting a question about rape, make sure you've outreached!
National Sexual Assault Hotline | 1.800.656.HOPE(4673)
I think FG said it perfectly.
As a guy, I dated a girl who was assaulted - she never opened up to exactly what happened and I never pried. The right man will understand and respect each and every boundary you have.
I'm not sure about her background with this man...So I'm just wondering....
How long has she known him and why is he questioning her virginity? That just seems odd to me.
When I was interested in guys and dated, I can't remember a single one asking me if I was a virgin.
Personally, unless they have been involved for a while and they're serious about each other or it's a question pertaining to their religion, it's none of his business if she's a virgin.
Great answer as far as the virginity question and rape. But the guy asking about her virginity just threw up a red flag for me.
I kinda agree, if you're not comfortable enough with him yet, you don't really need to answer his question.
However as far as answering the question you're asking yourself goes, I think MM is bang on the mark.
I think him wanting to know if she's a virgin could be pretty harmless depending on the situation (I'm thinking back to my college dorm, up all night, talking about everything kind of days), but make sure you get to know him and find out!
Listen to FG, hon :) You are a virgin. I believe a person is a virgin until they choose to have sex. It can be hard to come to terms with, I know, but what happened to you is in no way the same as choosing sex. I hope you've been able to get all the help and support you need with this, and I hope your guy is supportive if you decide to tell him.