What's sick is that you want this guy back. Well, that and the fact that he asked your mom for nude pics. (UGH. I feel ill just typing that.)
Look, crummy dudes can bounce back from a lot. They can lie, cheat, get angry and then sweet talk their way back into the arms of trusting gals with low self-esteem. But I don't see how any guy who tried to hit up your mom for racy photos can be forgiven. Asking ANYONE for nude pics behind your back is bad enough. Even flirting with your mom would be wrong on multiple levels. This guy went above and beyond to score the honor of "creep of the decade."
Of course he misses you and wants you back -- he knows that anyone who would even talk to him after what he did is someone that he can keep under his thumb and walk all over. Marry this guy, and he'll cheat on you on your wedding night guaranteed. You'll be on your honeymoon and he'll be sending photos of his junk to your aunt over Facebook. He doesn't love you or respect you. Whatever feelings you have left for him are entirely out of a lack of self-confidence (maybe you think you can't do better-- you're wrong) and a misguided belief that he will change. There are few absolutes in life, but this much is true: a guy who sexts your mom will never change. You were seriously going to marry this guy? Be lucky that you dodged a huge, icky bullet here and stop returning his calls.
As we say in Fargo country, UFF DA!
You can't explain that... I don't care how hot her mom is, a guy who actually acts on the urge is definitely not worth keeping around.
I disagree with Nick that this lady is sick for still caring about him and having low self esteem. Of course she still has feelings for the guy she was engaged to be married. There would need to be some pretty deep bonds and feelings to get to that point regardless of what he did. People, well most, can't just flip a switch and turn off their feelings. Sometimes I wish I could. Aside from the emotional bonds she has she is also strongly biologically bonded with brain chemistry and other hormones. Rain, be gentle with yourself. I think that even asking the question in the midst of this confusing time shows that you have good self esteem. Otherwise you would have just gone back without even a thought.
I am curious how old this guy is. He did a bone head thing for sure but in the scheme of things how big of a deal is this really? Yes what he did was creepy in the sense that it was your mom, but it isn't sick. He is still a man and she is a woman and men like looking a women that is just how they are wired.
Personally I would want to find out why he did it, which he may not know. Does he ask other women, does he send his pics to people, does he flirt with others, what is behind all this. If looking at naked pictures is all he does then that is pretty good. Aside from the huge lapse of judgment in asking your mom (that is why I am curious how old he is) If this is just the first visible symptom of something deeper then I would run.
I think that your argument is good in a logical sphere, but with a common-sense mindset, I think Nick hit it right on the head. The main thing to take away from his answer is this--if a guy will ask your freaking MOTHER for nude pics, what /won't/ he do? And I wouldn't say being young is an excuse. Maybe if you're like, fourteen, but if the guy's old enough to be engaged, he's old enough to know that shit like this is not okay.
This is very tolerant of you to consider his well being and I agree that it would be very normal for a woman engaged to a man to turn off her feeling like a switch. However, your advice comes at a huge cost to her. She likely doesn't have the tools or skills to determine what his issues are, and he does have issues for sure. If they got to the root of his problem, why on earth should she stay the course with a man that obviously has no boundaries. His behavior is by most peoples standards a deal breaker.
Aside from that, what about her poor mom? Geez. When did it become anywhere near acceptable for a future son-in-law to ask for nudes. I'd be backing my mom. Family dinners could never be the same with him at the table.
It is our modern cultural value to run away at any sign of difficulty. Even as I type this comment, you are getting voted down for daring to think compassionately.
But still, though, her fiance was doing, what comes down to, hitting on her mother. It is understandable most people would want to leave in that situation.
You're demonstrating higher character, which is seen as elitist and such, so, sadly, I am not surpised your high-road response is getting slammed.
Only his therapist needs to figure out "why". This guy is a case study waiting to happen - but it doesn't need to happen to the OP. As Nick said, he's going to keep doing it. Why is irrelevant; the fact that he has, and will absolutely continue, to hurt innocent parties is extremely relevant. Behavior like that is a symptom of a deep-rooted psychological issue.
I agree 100% with Nick. Especially his last sentence. Being married to the wrong guy is a nightmare.
I highly recommend Kelly Clarkson's Stronger for getting over a break up.
Ditch this dude. As Nick said, he will cheat on you. And this guy was willing to sacrifice your relationship with your mom for his own selfish needs. That is worse than the cheating. Delete him from your life.
You deserve someone who will respect you.
This question didn't shock me as much as others. I guess because at my school there was a girl who's mother was a nude model and she happily handed out nude pics of her mother.
Still though, trying to solicit nude pics of your partner's parents is definitely low class!
he told me he had done for the thrill of not getting caught and said that the reason he chose my mom was because it was higher stakes
so he's clearly a loser douchebag.