You just have to lay it out for him. That's the only way. It's like getting into a cold pool: doing it slowly and gently only makes it worse. You just gotta jump in.
You've heard women talk about training their men, right? That's what you're about to do. It's a teaching moment; embrace it. Be direct with him and tell him straight up that his hygiene is lacking and he reeks as a result. This is not acceptable--not to you or anyone else. B.O. is repellent; does he want to repel people?
You can choose your own words, but that's the gist. Don't hem and haw and beat around the bush. Be tactful but be direct. You're not trying to hurt his feelings, but if that happens, it happens. The man smells bad; there's no way to sugarcoat that. You're not doing it to hurt him, you're doing it to help him. Trust me, his personal interactions will go a lot more smoothly when he is no longer funkified.
Maybe the guy was never taught basic hygiene. When I was young I had a friend who would leave our after-school kickball game early twice a week because it was "bath night." I found this very strange because in my house, every night was bath night. I know not everyone favors daily bathing, and that's their prerogative, but if you wash so infrequently that you smell like ass, that's a problem--if not for you, definitely for everyone around you.
I suggest you show your boyfriend how to bathe properly. You don't have to tell him that's what you're doing--just get him in the shower with you and wash his entire body thoroughly so he can see how it's done. Then ask him to wash you in return and see if he learned something. If he rushes through it, slow him down and show him how to do it right.
Sometimes you just have to take charge of situations and insist on what you want, and this is one of those situations. I doubt he would want to lose you because he stinks, so, like I said, you are doing him a favor. You're teaching him how to be considerate of others, including you.
Btw, the friend I mentioned earlier found me on Facebook recently. He popped up out of the blue to say hello after all these years. Know what I was dying to ask him? Yep: "Is it bath night?" I didn't, though.
Thanks for the question.
I find compliments go along way. When he smells nice.., tell him & tell him often. When you hug, him tell him how intoxicating he smells & how it stays with you throughout the day. Let him know you like how his scent lingers on your pillow long after he is gone. Of course these are times after he has showered.
You know…, it’s very personal taking a shower with your guy. It doesn’t have to lead to sex; it’s actually more intimate when it doesn’t. You should take one with your guy, like Cary said. Let him know those moments mean the most to you. Good luck!
"Mr. Grinch, the three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: Stink, stank, stunk!"
That's the song that started playing in my head while reading this. haha!
Good advice, Cary. I don't think this guy is going to change his habits on his own. If she wants him to clean up his act, she needs to give him a little guidance.
I don't want to make the OP nervous, but I have literally never seen boyfriend training work. I tried myself, with a guy whose parents had taught him literally nothing about how to survive in the world, and he was arrogant and obnoxious about it because he was embarrassed at being so ignorant about so much. They always get resentful, they inevitably see you as a replacement parent-figure, and unless your relationship is really strong and he has something to teach you too, there's an imbalance there that is hard to fix.
The only time I've seen people grow out of this bad and childish behaviour is when they've been living on their own and they've had to clean up to impress someone they like. Then they start realising it's better to keep yourself clean. I'm just not sure this sort of thing works if they don't want it to.
It's worth a shot anyway. Preferable to saying nothing, IMO.
Preferable to saying nothing, yes. But in turn, still more preferable is kicking his ass out until he shapes up and becomes a proper man who doesn't need telling to shower like an adult not a petulant teen. Speaking from experience, the only thing (and I do mean literally the only thing) that I've ever seen change someone's behaviour when they're reluctant, is the having-to-grow-up of living on their own.
There are somethings that may be worth giving up on or not even making the effort at, but showing? Come on! Just say it without being rude. I wouldn't try to play any silly games like telling him he smells nice after a shower, or anything like that, just be like listen buddy, we have sex right? When we do am I nice and clean for you? Well I want the same, you're a big boy so you gotta start showering for me on a daily basis. And you gotta really wash up in there poperly.
Any guy who would have hurt feelings over this is a bit of a loser. I mean, c'mon, its showering! If I didn't shower regularly how shocked could I really be when soemone I was in a relationship with came out and said they didn't like it?