30 partners?? And he's only 20? How can the guy stand upright? Does he walk into a room, trip and fall into the girl, and suddenly their having sex? How does he find time for school, sleep, and XBox? Has he played Red Dead Redemption? That game is great! There's so much to do. How does he find the time for all that sex???
I'm amazed that he told you his number. That could be a sign that he actually does want to settle down and get serious with someone. It's a sign of maturity. (Or stupidity. I'm not sure which.)
You have a couple things to consider here:
1. Do you want to lose your virginity to this guy? Clearly he's experienced, so we won't worry about that. And he does seem to care for you, so it doesn't seem like you'd just be another notch on his extremely long belt. If you care about him, and trust him, the number of partners he's had shouldn't matter. I mean, yeah, it's hard not to think about it now that you know. Some people would hear a number like that and assume he's some STD-riddled him-bo. I assume you'll be safe (please use condoms), so I'm not going to go the judgmental route and assume he has crabs or something. It isn't fair to judge him for his past. You can be cautious of his past, but he's young and everybody has to sow their wild oats and all that. Granted, this guy's basically planted enough oats to open a bread factory, but let's try to have an open mind.
2. Do you want to be lose your virginity to someone who will be going back to school in a couple of months? Do you go to the same college? If not, you have to factor in the long-distance relationship factor. Putting aside his number, this is something you should consider with anyone you lose your virginity to at this point.
Give it a little time. Have fun; enjoy your time together. If you feel like you can trust him, don't let his past become too much of an issue. Make sure that sleeping with you is as important to him as it is to you. If your first time is coming from a true emotional place, his past won't matter in the end. Treat him as you would a guy who isn't into the double digits sex-wise. Everybody has their own path. Sure, he's had a lot of sexual partners, but that could be it for him. He's young, and could now becoming out of his wild phase. Who knows, maybe number 31's the charm.
I'm amazed that he told you his number. That could be a sign that he actually does want to settle down and get serious with someone. It's a sign of maturity. (Or stupidity. I'm not sure which.)
You have a couple things to consider here:
1. Do you want to lose your virginity to this guy? Clearly he's experienced, so we won't worry about that. And he does seem to care for you, so it doesn't seem like you'd just be another notch on his extremely long belt. If you care about him, and trust him, the number of partners he's had shouldn't matter. I mean, yeah, it's hard not to think about it now that you know. Some people would hear a number like that and assume he's some STD-riddled him-bo. I assume you'll be safe (please use condoms), so I'm not going to go the judgmental route and assume he has crabs or something. It isn't fair to judge him for his past. You can be cautious of his past, but he's young and everybody has to sow their wild oats and all that. Granted, this guy's basically planted enough oats to open a bread factory, but let's try to have an open mind.
2. Do you want to be lose your virginity to someone who will be going back to school in a couple of months? Do you go to the same college? If not, you have to factor in the long-distance relationship factor. Putting aside his number, this is something you should consider with anyone you lose your virginity to at this point.
Give it a little time. Have fun; enjoy your time together. If you feel like you can trust him, don't let his past become too much of an issue. Make sure that sleeping with you is as important to him as it is to you. If your first time is coming from a true emotional place, his past won't matter in the end. Treat him as you would a guy who isn't into the double digits sex-wise. Everybody has their own path. Sure, he's had a lot of sexual partners, but that could be it for him. He's young, and could now becoming out of his wild phase. Who knows, maybe number 31's the charm.
Please be careful. I dated a guy who had over 35 partners recently. When we initially began dating he told me he had only been with 25 partners and I looked past it because you can't change your past. 10 Months later, after finding out that he had given me HPV, I find out that he had slept with over 35 people and not 25--- Then had the gall to say that I should have known better because of all the women he'd been with. I'm only 22 x_x!
You're young, wait for someone better. It's not going to be perfect, but at least lose your virginity to someone worth while-- someone you can trust without worrying about deception in the months to come.
Yes. Use condoms. Be safe. The number really doesn't matter though. You could catch something from a guy who's only slept with two people. The important thing is to be safe and smart.
30 partners!!! That's a man-whore alert!
Nick is completely correct about the condoms, but you can catch HPV even with a condom. That includes herpes and warts. And here's the kicker: your guy may not even know he has it!
Ask him when he got tested last. If it was immediately after his last sexual encounter, and he's clean, then proceed with caution, b/c obviously this is a dude who likes to spread the seed. If so, DO NOT GO TO BED WITH HIM. Even if he begs. Chances are good that you'll get whatever he has, even if he wears the love glove.
HPV causes shit like cervical cancer. And the vaccine doesn't cover all the strains. So be careful. Please. :)
He shouldn't get tested immediately after his last sexual encouter because STD's actually take 2 weeks to a couple of months, to even years to show symptoms. He should get tested right before they sleep together to give the best results.
Always use condoms with this guys as well. It's been my experience that people rarely change thier habits, and even if he's feeling particularly virtuous this summer he'll always want to have sex with every women in the room lol, I'd move on but whatever. USE CONDOMS!
That's good to know. Thanks for the info!
Ummm. Look person what kind of dumb a** question are you asking? 30 partners? That's nasty!!!! Someone who needs to justify their sexuality or inner being by sleeping with that many women has deep scars on the inside (figuratively speaking). Is that a can of worms that your willing to open up? He needs to seek counseling because there is something wrong with him. Please don't lose your precious v-card to him. I don't think he's the right person to pop your cherry. So like Jay-Z says "on to the next one".
wooowo.......30 at 20? thats red flag for me. and i don't think d@s the type of person that u can loose your viginity for . the guy is a whore and to me he will nerve change. maybe he is just sayiing it to get into your pant and off to the next one. it might be the trick he has using to get some of them girl he is done with into the bed. if u let him do it, i grantee u that he will go bck to school and continue is routine. don't trust him. u might be a summer snack for him now that he is home until he goes back to school and u will be history. he is not worth it.
Well said, Nick.
I think the second point is really important to take into consideration. I lost my virginity to a guy I was dating for two months, but when he went back to his hometown, we just couldn't make the long distance thing work. Even though he was a really sweet guy and we really liked each other, I still wish I hadn't slept with him. It just wasn't worth it, because I had such a hard time getting over him. Just be sure that you really like him, that you trust him (?), that he likes you back and that this relationship is going somewhere (if that's what you're interested in).... Good luck, question asker :)
Wowzerz, everyone on here would probably choke if I uttered my fiance's "number". And honestly, he has no clue what the actual number is, but it is much higher. NOT that I like it. I found out how much of a man-whore he used to be when he was young after I fell in love with him. If I had known off the bat, I might have walked away. So it is a good thing in retrospect that I didn't know.
Now yes, definitely use protection. Have him get tested. Unfortunately, even using condoms you can get HPV. But you can get that from anyone really.
My fiance and I have been together 5 years now and never had an issue. He obviously had some issues when he was younger which lead him to sleep with soooo many women. He's ashamed of it now. Guys can change, but be cautious and just do what you feel is right. Although him leaving for school could definitely complicate things.
Just mainly wanted to throw in that man-whores can be reformed and no, he never gave me a single STD.
He's held out only a month for you? Does that mean you've only been dating for a month? Do not, under any circumstances, give up your virginity to this guy until you feel completely comfortable and until he's gone back to school and you can see his behavior. You can have fun during the summer with him without having to have sex, there are plenty of other things to do to be close and intimate with him.
Listen, I know from experience that people can say whatever they like and not really mean it. It's the actions that count, not him telling you you're IT for him. Wait it out, take it slowly, see what happens. Don't let him coax you into having sex with him. Hope everything turns out for you! :)
A whole month? What a hero.
Listen up, sweetheart. Any guy that sleeps around like that, and is willing to tell you that you're 'IT for him' after only a month isn't gunning for your heart. If you want to put it to the test, make him wait even longer and see how he reacts. If he keeps pressuring you, especially the closer it gets to August, you know exactly what he's after, and you can decide accordingly.
30 isn't a huge number for a 20 year old... think if he lost is virginity at 15, that's a girl every OTHER month up to this point... not too bad. I would be more concerned about sleeping with someone and then having a long distance relationship. I have been with about 20 partners, and it was even hard for me to leave my boyfriend of two months (we have been sleeping together for about a month and a half) for summer break.
I never ceases to amaze me how quick people are to judge someone by their sex number. Grow up!
It's about the person- who cares how many people someone has slept with? You should always use protection anyway, and if someone treats you well then what does it matter? If someone is truly a scumbag, then it'll be more than their "number" that tells you that.
This isn't about maturity, or lack of it. You WILL be judged for your sex number, no matter what fantasyland you live in. THAT IS REALITY. Anyone who has that many partners at such a young age has issues that may or may not have been addressed.
If this girl was more experienced, it wouldn't be so much of an issue; they would both know what they are getting themselves into. She's a virgin! And from the sound of it, she isn't ready to have sex. If she was, she would be doing it and not writing about it on a relationship blog.
It's my experience that sex hounds like this only hold out for a couple of months, then they either leave you for someone who puts out or they start really applying the pressure, hard, to get you into bed. Either this guy is a real smooth talker or he simply took advantage or both.
I wouldn't judge a guy for the number of people he's been with, but it's something I'd take into consideration. Sure, a 5-partner guy can be just as much a douche as a 30-partner guy, but he's a little less likely to drop you after he gets you into bed.
Time to stop living in a fairytale, sweetheart.
I wouldn't be worried about the number as much as his wording/actions. That many partners, that young, and suddenly stops for a month (I'm so sure....) and claims your it for him?
I'd be worried that he just wants to have sex with you. Look, if he DOES really love you, and you ARE "it" for him, then it won't be a problem if you aren't doing the horizontal monster mash. Wait till you are ready, use protection, and watch for any signs that this reformed sex-fiend is actually done with that part of his past.
...And though I said that number shouldn't matter for YOU, I gotta say...yeah, sorry, that number=man whore. I've never known someone THAT loose with their junk.
Im having the same issue. what can i do to cope with it? how can i feel better about it? its not just a matter of NOT thinking about it. lots of things, small things, bring up that subject in my head. I was raised as a strict christian. sex before marriage is not only a really big deal. It does hurt knowing i waited. and he screwed everyone in his class (not really). i really do love him. I just want to feel better
I hope you didn't do it. It's very likely you are just number 31. Has he told you how he got into so many pants? Very likely he's used the you're the one speech plenty of times. Sometimes men use "honesty" to get what they want. According to the "Her needs His needs" book, women need honesty. 30 women later, he might've figured it out.