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My boyfriend of four years dumped me. Days later, we met and as I cried, he hugged me, kissed my hands and cried too, said he was deeply sorry because he still cared about me, then took me for ice cream. Hope?

If there's one thing long-term relationships do, it's fall apart, then get back together, then fall apart, then get back together again. So in that sense, sure, there's hope--the hope of a complicated, jarring emotional roller coaster, which is the best most of us can hope for anyway.

But make no mistake: you got dumped. That isn't something a guy does lightly, especially after four years, and while we've been known to immediately regret decisions (mostly involving women or the IHOP appetizer menu), we've also been known to buy ice cream out of guilt, or try to parley a breakup into a friends with benefits situation.

Both of those options seem more likely than the idea that he screwed up his courage, dumped you, then lay awake in bed wondering how to win you back: "I know, ice cream! I'll say it's sweet...like her!" Frankly, odds are he just genuinely feels bad to have hurt you, but still wants things to be over. And NOTHING a guy does to make you stop crying can really be trusted. We'd do literally anything to staunch girl tears.

Which isn't to say you couldn't get this particular ex back into the game; it happens all the time. But no relationship ends without reason. My advice would be to take some time, figure out if the relationship was really working for you, what caused the breakup, whether you want to invest energy in someone who dumped you, and plan from there.

If you still want to get back together at that point, then let the hunt begin. The quarry? The most dangerous game of all: man. The prize? His dongle. The arena? LOVE ARENA.

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6 Comments

Suga

ok...asking another person is not going to give you the answer you want. I say it is OVER but I guess the heart wants what it wants.If you truly dont want to let him go, fight for him and i hope to god you dont end up disappointed.

Dovey

I think Cary answered a differently worded version of this question.

Anyway, the best thing to be done is find out why you guys broke up, learn from it, and try to move on. There isn't much hope. Guys are much more straightforward than girls, and 4 years to decide whether you are right for him is a long time. Not to say that doesn't completely suck, but...I think it'll be better for your heart and mind in the long run if you let him go.

No

Michael's right - he doesn't want to get back together; he just feels guilty. I speak from experience.

He was nice to you post-breakup because he did genuinely want to make you feel better, but his other reasons were inevitably selfish - he ultimately just wants to relieve his own guilt and help himself sleep at night.

user-pic

Yep, I got it. And no, I'm not going to fight for it. At first I thought I did, but he really doesn't care. Yeah it HURTS, but I realized that he always thought I would be there. I don't want to be taken for granted. I'm done. And yeah Carey answered it too. Ever heard of "Carey's" advice for having your question answered? That's what I did lol

B

ya, possibly, but its probably more important you ask him WHY he left you after 4 years.

user-pic

I would just forget about him, as hard as it may be. If this guy really loved you he would have warned you first that your relationship isnt going in a good direction. And even if you managed to patch things up, whos to say he wont find something else to dump you over. I truly hope you find someone who will like you for who you are, and if they dont will at least give you a little warning when they arent happy.

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