Here's the rest of this question: since moving to NYC from his small midwest town. He recently asked me out. But I'm concerned. I like him he's sweet and nice, however I'm not sure if he likes me for me. Or wants to see what it's like to date someone of another race. How do I ask or find out without offending him? (JLove 2/2)
Well, you won't really know unless you ask him straight up. And even still he might not be very upfront. So if you like him and are interested then you may just need to go out with him and hope for the best. It is very possible that he is using you for a new experience or one that he's curious about. But he might also be interested in you as a person. And you as a person will result in a new experience by default.
If he's asked you out and is truly interested in learning as you say he is then its highly likely that its as much about you as it is about the experience.
Now, with that said, just be ready for a convo about why he would think that. He might be offended, he might not. People respond to that type of stuff differently. But you could also preface it by explaining that you are interested in him (assuming you are) and you hope he's interested in you and that you aren't his personal social experiment. You can say that in a funny way. If you all are friends like that, then I'd think you could joke like that as well.
At the end of the day, if its nagging you, then you'd better served by getting it off your chest instead of thinking he's only with you to satisfy some sort of racial curiosity.
What do you all think?
go out with him
either he is real
or you have your chance to take one for the team and have him think highly of the race!!
Not sure who is what race, but you can say something like "Ya know, I really enjoy learning about other cultures" and perhaps then you reference a time when you dated someone of another race than yourself, and what you learned about their family or traditions, etc.
Then you can say "have you ever dated someone who is _____(whatever race you are) and experienced our family customs?"
It focuses on what *I* like to see as differences that make life more interesting....just experiences that we don't get to have when we're just with our own race.
Good luck.
If JLove is the asker, then she's that pretty black woman who often posts here.
Personally, coming from a background where pretty much everyone was white, I don't have much sympathy for the 'only racist because haven't come into contact with other races' excuse. If his behaviour in the past has caused you to suspect that I think it's fair enough asking him outright.
Thanks everyone and Panama! I'm the OP, I do like him and could see us being more than friends. I just know that he's only ever dated white girls and now that he's in the "big city" he's being exposed to more and more woman of color. He's not offensively ignorant, it's more like he grew up with a "We are the World" racism/bigotry against people of color is a thing of past. Now that he's in NYC he's starting to see and understand that there are still some race issues that are swept under the rug.
I'm going to try approach the subject with humor and see how he reacts. Ill let you guys know what/if anything happens.
The thing is, most people interested in dating someone outside their ethnicity still will only do so with people they have a genuine attraction to. The ones who don't, they will inevitably exhibit other sleazy behaviors too, but from your questions, doesn't sound like he has.
And supposing it is just wanting to date out of his race, that don't mean it can't be real. I'll tell you outright my wife after her divorce decided she only wanted a white man (she's Chinese), and me being white was why she approached me.
Our love is real, very real. Her unmarried friends and her cousin also have this criteria. Her cousin is even more specific, she's got a thing for American or Australian soldiers. I explained to her they won't have much money, she simply said doesn't matter, her business makes her good money, she can take care of him. She really wants to spend her life and start a family with a white American soldier lol.
How the families handle an interracial relationship could be a potential problem. I was lucky. While my parents were not thrilled initially but after meeting her they got over it quickly. And they adore my stepdaughter so that helps too. Her father is deceased, but her mother welcomed me immediately. I later learned though she would be angry if any of her sons ever married non-Chinese but has no problems with her daughters doing so. But I'm aware of cases where one side or both had serious problems - and it wasn't always the white side of the family for couples that had the problem.
Yeah. . .also it sounds like you two have become friends, have honest conversations, and you have demonstrated that you care about him, are interested in what he has to say, will correct him, and you are perhaps attractive . . . so it would appear that the normal thing has happened - he has fallen for you and wants to take things to the next level.
I wanted to date an asian girl before I knew much about the different cultures in Asia. Ignorance about race or culture doesn't preclude attraction.