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PJ- IS HE FULL OF IT? Met online and been dating this guy for 3.5 months- he is attentive, loving, sincere. He just divorced and isn't ready for full on relationship but love is blooming. He just put up new profile photos on dating site and I flipped out. He said I was dramatic/jealous and it didnt mean anything. Hmm.

Yeah, I wouldn't buy that. There's NO good reason to put up anything new on a dating site if you've decided that you've found somebody to be with. So, yeah, he's lying. But here's my question, you say that you know he isn't ready for a full on relationship...so what are you doing? Love is blooming? What does that even mean? Is that your perspective or his?

That last question is very important here.

While he's clearly lying, I'm wondering if you aren't somewhat deluding yourself. The fact that you know he isn't ready for a full on relationship means that you should kind of understand that chances are you're not the last stop on this train he's got going right now. He's recently out of a divorce and you're assuming that you're going to be the woman he settles right down with. Um...pump your brakes.

It sounds to me like you are expecting him to eventually "become official" with your or something and while that's a possibility, what makes you think he's not going to be out there trying to get his swerve on for a while? He's a great guy to you and for that you should be happy, but my guess is that he won't be entering into a relationship for a good long while...ESPECIALLY right after a divorce. Love is blooming? I'm sure like is in full bloom, but love? Doubtful. At least not on his end. Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No. If I were in his shoes I'd be enjoying myself for as long and as much as possible before I even REMOTELY thought about settling down.

I feel like y'all need to have a convo about expectations and where you're going, if anywhere. Right now, I think you and he might be on different planets.

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5 Comments

user-pic

Amen. You said it Jackson.

NuNuSays

He isn't full of anything. You just said he's not ready for "a full on relationship" so why wouldn't he post pics on another site? You obviously are taking these months of dating much more seriously than he is.

user-pic

Please believe me when I tell you, speaking from experience......He is treating you very carefully because he is really emotionally delicate right now. He doesn't want to feel more hurt, and he doesn't want to hurt you, so he's being very gentle and "behaving." Also, you are new, and different. It's exciting.

But, there is the great possibility that he is rebounding. Please look out for yourself- because he is definitely not on the same path you are. Sometimes people feel needy coming out of relationships and cling to someone new, but don't confuse those feelings for love. I'm sure you are great and he likes you a lot. He has been honest about not wanting a relationship now. Listen to him.

chrissie1101

ah yes, i am reminded of that maya angelou quote with this one. "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."

teach2380

i'm in almost the exact same situation myself. its hard to remember that there is no relationship/commitment when you like someone that isn't ready for one. if it is right, it will work out. but, keep your eyes and heart open for someone that can commit to you the way you want. its hard to hear and even harder to do, but i know thats what i need now and it could lead to someone better!

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