If you wanted a relationship, and he didn't, honestly, he did the right thing. Two people being miserable is not the calculus of a great relationship.
I do think eventually people get into the head space for being in a relationship long-term, but it takes time and experience to get there. It doesn't matter if you guys get along great: you have to be on the same page with what you want for anything serious to work.
Let me give this a shot. . . he let her go because he wasn't ready for a relationship.
Which part of that is not understood?
Ok you clearly missed the point of the question as did the guy who answered it. The question is, what does not ready for a relationship really mean from a guy? Is it just an excuse and what he really feels is that he isn't that into her? Or is there a legitimate problem that guys have where even if the perfect woman were standing right in front of them if they felt they weren't ready for a relationship ( or whatever that means) they aren't going to feel it for her, where if 3 years later when he decided he was ready for a relationship and she showed up he would fall for her and get into a relationship. That's the question. Basically is there such a thing as the right girl at the wrong time? or is it just always guy code for not that into her so i told her i wasn't ready for a relationship to get her off my case.
I like this question and I agree. Asker just wants to know the honest truth. I would be interested in knowing of any couples that ended up together after the first go-around being "right girl, wrong time."
Do guys actually think they can just go back to the same girl after playing around for a while? Do they just wake up one day and realize they made a mistake?
Ok, let me try this.
First of all, "I'm not ready for a relationship" is guy code for I'm not ready for a relationship. Now, the reasons for this can be many - he just isn't into her, he doesn't feel that he's achieved things in his life where he can settle down, he doesn't want to settle down at that moment.
Second, this wasn't a split that they both did not want, but due to life pressures, both decided to follow. So now, he will NEVER wake up in the future thinking he made a mistake for any significant amount of time. Sure, in a time of extreme loneliness that thought may come up, he is human after all, but it will go away quickly enough.
Is there a thing as the right girl at the wrong time? Sure. There is no one person for anyone. You will meet plenty of right people for you who for whatever reason, will not be available (or you not available) You could be in relationships with someone else, not ready to settle down, be on the rebound, etc.
So now, that was not guy code for "I don't like her and want to mask the reason we're breaking up". But know this, he is breaking up with her and even if he likes her still, the relationship is over and there is no future between them.
Also, how is not being ready for a relationship a "legitimate problem". I did not realize that presence of a specific woman in your life should automatically flip a time to get married switch.
Valid points. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. This also kinda goes along with that whole "NY Taxi Cab" theory. When a guy's light turns off, he settles down with the girl who happens to be in the back seat.
But really, whooo knowwwwssss :)
I guess i am wondering if the not ready to be in a relationship problem is guy specific. I as a woman have never felt not ready except for maybe in high school when that problem doesn't really come up because both sides know its not going to lead to marriage anyway because its high school. From age 22-now being 27 I have never not been ready for a relationship that would lead to marriage. Guys do know that you can date for a few years before marriage comes up right? I might not have been ready for marriage at 22 ( simply because i wasn't mature enough for that responsibility ) but i was open to a relationship that would eventually lead to marriage and date until i was ready.
Its frustrating because no one can answer this question!! What specifically is it that a guy is not ready for?! is it really that hard for a guy to juggle a relationship and a beginning career? And the excuse of a guy just wanting to be single and date around. So a guy needs to go have sex with a bunch of people before he can feel ready for marriage? If a girl told a guy she was dating that a year before she had been slutting herself around because she was trying to get ready for a relationship that would be rediculous and no man would want to date her. These guy excuses are just lame. If these aren't correct excuses id love to hear what they ACTUALLY ARE.
Unfortunately, I think that yes, a LOT of young guys feel the need to sew their wild oats before being with one woman forever. Okay, fine. Girls need to play the field too, especially in their 20's...but yea, readiness doesn't matter for girls.
BUT I agree with Sue and the asker. I guess what I (and they) wonder is: If meeting the right girl who you could see being with long-term is not enough to make a guy feel ready for a relationship, then do guys wake up with like some magical feeling one random day (this switch you speak of) that makes them want to commit? Is it when they turn 30 and they're like "DAMN look at this hairline, I'm too old to be doing this same old routine! I'll never get the hotties anymore! Oh well, guess I better settle down!" Then I guess they couldddd retrace their dating past, or they meet the next girl who becomes The One.
But just saying....seems easier to grab the girl while she's their and just see what happens. Why does marriage need to come up sooo early in dating?
I think that there are definitely cases of 'right girl, wrong time'. He's actually being a stand up guy if he holds off on a relationship when he's not ready for one.
Not to say that the guy wouldn't try to come back to the 'right girl' from a few years back, but he might just be ready for the next 'right girl' whenever she happens to show up.