Sadly, I think you know what's going on. He's done with the relationship and too chicken to tell you. It's particularly rough, because he seemed like the perfect guy. Now he's showing his true colors: he's a coward who figures he'll just pull a disappearing act and let things work themselves out on their own. He figures, she'll get over me eventually. As Jay-Z says, on to the next one. He might have commitment issues, or a fear of abandonment which causes him to bail on a good thing prematurely. Neither of which excuses the fact that he's a massive tool. You're better off without him.
Chances are, you aren't the first woman he's done this to. And you won't be the last. Eventually, someone will do the same thing to him and shatter his heart into a million pieces. At some point, his past mistakes will catch up with him. Maybe he'll learn a lesson and stop bailing on relationships with zero warning, or maybe he'll wind up alone and bitter. Either way, you won't have to deal with the fallout.
As you said, everything "appeared" to be great, and maybe it was for a while. Eventually, though, he began to get doubts, and instead of voicing them like a human being with a shred of decency, he decided to cut and run.
Think of it this way: at least he didn't all of a sudden vanish on your wedding night, or leave you with several kids. Four months is far too long into the relationship to just pick up and leave without even so much as a goodbye email, but at least it wasn't four years. Be thankful he revealed himself to be a Bilbo Douchebaggins after only a few months, and didn't waste any more of your time.
The best thing you can do now is to be angry. Be furious, actually. Don't think about his motivations. Don't blame yourself, or obsess over every moment of your relationship looking for a sign, a warning, anything, that would explain what he did. (And whatever you do, don't hunt him down on Facebook or Google. It'll just cause more heartache and waste even more of your time.) His actions show that, at the end of the day, he had zero respect for you. He didn't put any thought into how to nicely call things off-- he just bailed. Own your anger. Let your blood boil. Curse his name to the heavens. Give yourself some time to get him completely out of your system. And then forget that he ever existed.
Chances are, you aren't the first woman he's done this to. And you won't be the last. Eventually, someone will do the same thing to him and shatter his heart into a million pieces. At some point, his past mistakes will catch up with him. Maybe he'll learn a lesson and stop bailing on relationships with zero warning, or maybe he'll wind up alone and bitter. Either way, you won't have to deal with the fallout.
As you said, everything "appeared" to be great, and maybe it was for a while. Eventually, though, he began to get doubts, and instead of voicing them like a human being with a shred of decency, he decided to cut and run.
Think of it this way: at least he didn't all of a sudden vanish on your wedding night, or leave you with several kids. Four months is far too long into the relationship to just pick up and leave without even so much as a goodbye email, but at least it wasn't four years. Be thankful he revealed himself to be a Bilbo Douchebaggins after only a few months, and didn't waste any more of your time.
The best thing you can do now is to be angry. Be furious, actually. Don't think about his motivations. Don't blame yourself, or obsess over every moment of your relationship looking for a sign, a warning, anything, that would explain what he did. (And whatever you do, don't hunt him down on Facebook or Google. It'll just cause more heartache and waste even more of your time.) His actions show that, at the end of the day, he had zero respect for you. He didn't put any thought into how to nicely call things off-- he just bailed. Own your anger. Let your blood boil. Curse his name to the heavens. Give yourself some time to get him completely out of your system. And then forget that he ever existed.
Coming from someone who is CURRENTLY in this same situation, almost exactly, I want to thank you for your response. I agree with you even though I'm still upset and confused..... but definitely agree.
similar thing happened to me actually, i was in a fun laid back relationship with a quirky, flighty idealist and he litterally dissapeared for three months, i wasn't too broken up about it, it was a very casual affair and i realized that he was a bit of a drifter by nature, so i wasn't surprised. like i said three months later he texts and is just like "what's up? dinner?" i just replied saying no, but it was good to hear from him and i hope he found out or did whatever he needed to on his little journey. he seriously thought we were still together, and i had started dating someone new after the first month i hadn't heard from him
Harry Houdouchebag...hahaha
Ugh Im in a similar situation, do any of you have thoughts?
I met an amazing guy a month before I was to leave to go abroad for 9
weeks. We both agreed that what we had was very special and things moved quickly. He asked me to be exclusive while I was gone, and his girlfriend, and even introduced me to his parents.
Because I was going to be gone for so long and things were going so
well, I offered to fly him out using frequent flier miles. We had amazing time: Fun, great sex, vaguely talked about the future and made plans for when I got back. He even (without prompting from me) turned my claddagh ring. All in all a perfect trip.
After he got home, everything was great. Messages about how much he missed me, counting down till I came home. And then, without any warning, 10 days later, he ended it. The only explanation was that he needed to take a "step back", that he had moved things too fast, and that he needed to focus on school/ work (we are both in law school) and wasn't sure he wanted or had time for a g/f in the fall.
From friends I've heard he didn't cheat on me, talked about me a lot but then had an abrupt change of heart. One of his friends is likely encouraging him to be single, and he has a lot of stress at his summer job.
So what happened here? How do you turn all of that off? I said we wouldn't talk till I go home and I havent contacted him yet, but I get back
in a week - where we will likely see each other at school. I'm so confused!
Excellent & sound advice Nick.
my best friend SO needs to hear this advice. and LISTEN to it. she won't take it from anyone though... lost cause.
That happened to me once, and I assumed that it was his way of breaking up with me. Six months later, I got a call from him and it turned out he had just gotten out of six-months of rehab.
:D So maybe you're in luck, and he's just dead or in jail or something, and it has nothing to do with you. I'm sure he'll totally want to get back together when he gets out.
what is a phone?