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Please be as wise-assy as you can if I need a reality check. I want my ex back. We ended on good terms, he wants friendship, we sometimes hook up, he still cares. We still like each other, but I want him back as a boyfriend for sure this time. Says he's not up for a relationship right now. Tips? Wake up call?

I'm not really sure what there is to discuss. He doesn't want a relationship right now; what do you intend to do, try to force him into one?

You don't say why you two broke up, but there was a reason. Even though you ended on good terms, something caused the relationship not to work. Something went awry. There was a malfunction that couldn't be fixed. Now you have turned into EWBs (Exes With Benefits) and, as often happens with EWBs, one of you wants to give it another shot. I know that people break up and get back together again. I know it works sometimes, but it never works when one person doesn't want it

He obviously enjoys what you have now--friendship and occasional sex--more than what you had before; that, or he's just wary of rushing back into another relationship with you. Either way, he's made it clear that he's not interested in more, and, if my guess is correct, he never will be. If you think I'm wrong, that's okay--keep having sex with him and see what happens. I wouldn't hold my breath, though. And I wouldn't pass up opportunities to date other guys.

Thanks for the question.

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3 Comments

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perfect answer.

user-pic

It's probably oxytocin talking. He doesn't want a relationship, and why should he since you're already giving him sex?

You can't make him want more. Even if you set boundaries, i.e., no sex without a committment, he will either stop or even become angry. Break off contact for a couple of years. Date other men. In other words, enjoy life for yourself. Perhaps in a few years he will change his mind. Or, more likely, and hopefully, you'll find a new man in your life willing and wanting to be in a relationship with you.

kamakula

Tips to change his mind about being in a relationship with you? Leave him alone for a few years. Take time for both of you to grow and have new experiences. If after that time you've become what you each want, then resume.

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