He already told you why he can't say it back: he's not ready. At least he was honest. Would you rather he lie and say he loves you before he's sure?
I get that it feels like rejection, but it's not. He didn't break up with you. He didn't even say he doesn't love you. He said he's not ready to say it. Those sound like carefully chosen words to me. He may or may not love you, but he's not ready to take that step. Saying "I love you" might not seem like a big deal to you (or me), but to some guys it is, especially younger guys who don't even know what love is supposed to feel like. They're not going to say it until they're damn sure it's true. Some might even worry that they'll get you pregnant just by speaking those words aloud.
Let me ask you something: why did you tell him you love him? Because you do, or because you wanted him to say it back? If you truly love him, then that's reason enough to say it, and it shouldn't matter if he reciprocates. Sounds crazy, I know, but think about it: while it would be nice if he said the same thing in return, it doesn't change the fact that you love him. Your love is real, regardless of how he responds. A reciprocation isn't necessary to validate your feelings or justify your expression of those feelings. You felt it, you said it, you were honest, end of story. Anything else is gravy.
I think you're rushing things, anyway. Five months isn't very long. Even if you'd been together a year and we were having this same conversation, I'd see no problem with him not being ready to say that he loves you. Many people take a long time to profess love for another, because they know that do so before they're sure only trivializes the sentiment and gives it less bearing when they really do feel it.
Your guy probably hasn't even thought about putting a label on how he feels, which is why I don't see it as rejection. Be patient and let him find the words in his own time. Sure, there's a chance he might never feel it or say it, but that's the risk we take with every relationship.
Be satisfied with your own feelings, and for the courage and honesty you showed in expressing them, no matter what happens later in the relationship. You don't need an echo to give value and meaning to your words and emotions.
Well said. I especially like your last line, "You don't need an echo to give value and meaning to your words and emotions." Very well said!
You took the plunge. I'm proud of you. When you said that you gave him a gift, he is loved. So love him and be content knowing you do. He'll get there eventually :)
At least he didn't answer, "I know."
Or, "thank you."
The exact same thing happened with me and my boyfriend. He didn't say it until 9-10 months into the relationship. But when he did say it, I knew he meant it. He did it on his own accord.
Just try to be content with the fact that he now knows how you feel about him. I'm sure the gesture means a lot to him, and he just wants to wait until you can both feel confident when he returns those words.
This is exactly what happened to me, too, Jen. =)
To whoever asked this question... Just be patient. I know it is difficult. But when it comes, it will be worth it because you know that he means it-- 100%.
I love that last tag!
or he could just be calculatingly responding to make sure she stays around.
Um, I was guilty of this in the reverse. When the guy said it to me, I wasn't expecting it at all and completely froze. But I promise, it didn't mean I didn't love him -- I just needed more time for those very precious words to form in my mouth.
he probably cant say it back because he doesnt want to be squeezed to death with love.
Wow, this site is so buggy!
I learned about a year ago about the differences between men and women's ideas on "seriousness" of relationships. Women are evolutionary, meaning that as time passes and events occur, we generally expect the relationship to become more serious (not all women, of course). Time doesn't have as much meaning on the male side of things (generally). It's usually more of a sudden conformation of how he feels, regardless of how much time has passed. I hope that wasn't a confusing explanation :-P.
I so love love love your answer to this Wise Ass...makes me feel good. Thanks!
love is a serious word