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Mystery Man

 
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Please help! I'm very confused. How do I get a Nice Man to ask me out? I'm a former model, so I get plenty of looks, but no offers. What's the deal? Would it be horribly forward and slutty for me to approach a man I find attractive? How would I do it? What do I say? I'm looking for a soulmate, not a one night stand.

Ah, the perennial problem of the really good looking gal. Guys are gonna look, sure, but the nice guys are not likely to make a move because ....

They assume you are already taken.


Sorry to make it sound possessive, but it is, in a lot of ways. Guys are very territorial, especially when it comes to their ladies. It sounds shallow and very, very stupid, but no guy thinks a real looker is ever single. So, to keep the peace, most guys will not approach you without encouragement. Except for the total jerks of course, but you already know all about them.

The second strike against the good looking gal is intimidation. You know when your female friends moan and whine about their faults - the ones that only they can see? Guys do the same, though usually inside their heads rather than to friends. So most guys will look at you and say to themselves, "Nope, waaayyyyy out of my league. I don't fancy being shut down for asking." It happens to every guy in high school or college and it is a pain they remember for life.

You have got to go active. It isn't forward at all, come on, we are in 2011 not 1911 now. Find your target, approach them and get to know them. Bear in mind they will be totally gobsmacked (such a lovely phrase) that you have approached them, and will be uncomfortable and, at the same time, on a high that leads to them exaggerating a bit to try to keep you interested. Discount maybe 30% of their claims, and you'll get a decent enough picture of what the guy is like.
If you are not sure how to approach a guy, well, I did write a guide to flirting that you may find useful.

Get out there. Find a guy you want, like and admire. Grab him.

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8 Comments

silkysly

... & smile.

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I am good looking too, model type, though never modeled. I have a lot of attention and approaches. I think my friendliness and openness are the key reasons why guys approach me easily. Most of the time of course, I turn them down, but I always say thank you for asking to minimize discouragement. Combinations of light flirt, smile, seariousness, friendliness and attitude that is open to conversation usually attention grabbing. I don't wear low cut or minis, with exception when going out - I balance, either low cut or a nice dress, or skirt, but nothing screamy or too revealing. I do have a problem of keeping relationships though. At the beginning they fall in love, afraid to lose me, but once I fall in love, I guess I change. May be becoming more obsessive, trying to figure out, still didnt. Anyhow, getting them is not a problem for me, keeping is. But since you're looking at "getting" part, may be these tips added are going to help. Good luck.

silkysly

Well said...
I don’t have problems getting the guys either, because of my friendly, welcoming personality too. The problem is they seem to turn into stage 5 Klingons real quick. When a guys says, “You are my everything.” after a few weeks, it makes me wonder what he had before.

Mystery Man

You know the bit I said about him thinking he is not in your league? That sorta weighs on a guy's mind. They either chicken out or, as silky said, go mega aggressive from the stress.

Tis dumb, I know. Just sooth their feathers - a bit of extra attention to them at the 6 to 12 week mark and they'll be fine.

Seriously, sometimes guys just make me smile - they aren't half foolish and timid under the all the bluster.

Mystery Man

AND - that last line reminds me NEVER to leave the computer unattended and a comment half written when my lady is home.

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ah HA HA..I wondered.

silkysly

Tell her I said thanks... that cracked me up!

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I'm pretty (not like a model) and I have this problem too. Men look a lot, but they rarely try anything. I'm not an overly provocative dresser so they aren't looking because there is a lot showing.

I don't get it. I admit that I don't have a super friendly and outgoing manner unless I'm literally at a party or in an environment where the sole purpose is to mingle, but I don't think I look good enough to be intimidating either.

As a matter of fact I'd all but decided that the intimidating thing was something guys said instead of telling us we just aren't that like-able.

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