WHAT? That is so not okay. I've never been in a fight in my life, but if one of my friends did that to my girlfriend I'd be on him like a zombie on sweet, sweet brains. My fists would reign down with a fury. I'd get all Mortal Kombat on the dude and rip his spine from his body while yelling "Fatality!" Also, that person would no longer be my friend. What I wouldn't do is shrug it off. I certainly wouldn't say, "Sorry he molested you, honey. That's just Gary!"
What is this crap about no one can control his so-called friend? What he's really saying is that he's a complete wuss and is afraid of his friend. He's also saying that his own safety, and his friendship with this doucherocket, is more important than you. Why would he remain friends with a guy like that?
You need to dump this guy. It's only going to get worse. This guy's lack of a backbone puts your personal safety in jeopardy. What else is he going to allow? If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. You don't need to be with someone who picks fights all the time, but your guy should have your back if someone gets in your face. And he certainly shouldn't shrug off the fact that his psycho friend felt you up. Allowing something like shows he doesn't really care about you. At the very least, he should have yelled at his friend and then never spoken to him again. What sort of a man allows that to happen? If he really loved you, he would have stood up to his friend. Dump him and find someone who isn't a spineless weasel.
What is this crap about no one can control his so-called friend? What he's really saying is that he's a complete wuss and is afraid of his friend. He's also saying that his own safety, and his friendship with this doucherocket, is more important than you. Why would he remain friends with a guy like that?
You need to dump this guy. It's only going to get worse. This guy's lack of a backbone puts your personal safety in jeopardy. What else is he going to allow? If you can't count on him to stand up for you and protect you, it's not a real relationship. You don't need to be with someone who picks fights all the time, but your guy should have your back if someone gets in your face. And he certainly shouldn't shrug off the fact that his psycho friend felt you up. Allowing something like shows he doesn't really care about you. At the very least, he should have yelled at his friend and then never spoken to him again. What sort of a man allows that to happen? If he really loved you, he would have stood up to his friend. Dump him and find someone who isn't a spineless weasel.
OK, first of all, yes your boyfriend should have said something. There is a possibility that he is spineless...HOWEVER...you let it slide too. If some guy grabbed MY boobs and it was not a solicited offer specifically to him, I would be all over him like white on rice!!! How dare he touch your body!!! To me that is a respect thing and by you NOT saying something you made it OK and it will probably happen again. Don't wit for your boyfriend to stand up for you, sometimes you need to stand up for yourself.
In all fairness, we don't know if she "let it slide." For all we know, she jabbed him in the throat and threw him against the wall, and later simply asked her boyfriend why he didn't help.
Very true!
Agreed. We don't know whether or not she stood up for herself. We know her boyfriend didn't and that's all that matters here. Also, it's not like she picked a fight with the friend and the boyfriend didn't back her up. The friend literally grabbed her boobs in public. That's basically a crime. Her boyfriend shouldn't have let that slide.
oh nick, i heart you! :)
"I'd be on him like a zombie on sweet, sweet brains. My fists would reign down with a fury...."
love, love, love; however, i almost shot coffee out of my nose from laughing :)
oh nick, i heart you! :)
"I'd be on him like a zombie on sweet, sweet brains. My fists would reign down with a fury...."
love, love, love; however, i almost shot coffee out of my nose from laughing :)
Both of you should grow a nice round, slightly oval pair.
It's not going to change. If he doesn't have a backbone with his friends, think about far far in the future if you were to marry him .... HIS MOTHER. He will never stand up to her for you, for himself, your children. Not only that, your discussions will always be one sided, you will always be telling him what to do, and you will lose respect for him over time. Walk away now.
I had a boyfriend who's younger brother grabbed my boob after seeing the bf do it. I was all "woah, HELL NO!" and slapped the brother's hand away. The 2 just laughed and the BF said "what's the problem? I can do it, why can't he?" Are you KIDDING ME?!?! No surprise that BF was douche in a few facets of the relationship - and in general... Not cool.
I had a boyfriend who's younger brother grabbed my boob after seeing the BF do it. I was all "Woah! HELL NO!!" and slappeed the brother's hand away. The 2 just laughed and the BF said "what's the problem? I can do it, why can't he?" Are you KIDDING ME?!?! No surprise, the BF was a douchenozzle in other facets of the relationhsip, and in general... NOT COOL.
Gross! Hope you dumped him quick. What else does he share with his brother??? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
I agree with most of what Nick said. Being molested is a violent act. He should be as upset about it as he would be if someone hit you with a car and drove away.
But, in the end, he is not responsible for your safety. This idea that women simply float around the world, completely open and vulnerable to fate and the elements, and men must safeguard their journey must stop.
Why don't you stick up for yourself? This guy is a douche canoe, true, but not because he's a coward. It's because he doesn't care about you. He has no empathy. The idea of you going through a terrible experience doesn't even make him look up from his soda. You need someone who'd visit you in the hospital after you fall off the roof, not someone who responds to news of being assulted with "what else is new?"
But, again, your safety is not his responsibility. He is not obligated to keep you alive. You are an adult now- it's your job, as a living being, to breathe your own air and step carefully so you don't trip. He can't always be there with a safety cushion just in case. Not only is it unfair to him, but it's stupid for you. How on earth can you allow your safety to depend on another person? Would you hand the controls to your immune system over to some guy during flu season, and hope he hits the on switch? Or do you wash your own damn hands? Same with personal safety. It's up to you to read warnings before touching dangerous things, to look both ways before you cross the street, and defend yourself when someone gets in your face.
Women of the world, stop being dependent on men to keep you alive. Wear your helmet, stay away from minefields, and stand your ground when shit gets real.
If you read the comments above, you'd see that we don't know if she stood up for herself. She very possibly did. What's NOT upsetting is that her bf isn't a "man" and protecting her- it's that as her PARTNER, he is unsupportive and doesn't stand up for her. The same would be applicable vice versa.
There's a HUGE difference between "he doesn't have to protect you" and "he says you have to deal with the fact that his friend felt you up." For all we know, she probably did stand up for herself. But for him to go, "I can't control my friend. No one can," is reaaaaallly lame. Then don't be friends with the guy. Maybe don't put your girlfriend in a situation where she can be felt up by your psycho friend. Clearly he knew his friend had issues.
You know... I'm a feminist. I'm a pretty loud, out-there, I can take care of myself and kick your ass kind of feminist. But if some woman came up and grabbed my BF's junk, I'd take that bitch out. Which is exactly what this man...excuse me, BOY, should have done when his "friend" molested his girlfriend. It's a two-way street.
Even as someone who thinks women need to not be so "Oh lookit me, I'm wimpy and can't take care of myself! *faint*", I really think this guy should have given his friend a sound jab in the face with his fist. Not "Sorry, dear, but you'll just have to suck it up."
Stick up for yourself. But you should also expect those you love and trust to stick up for you.
What kind of bullshit ass comment is this? This is not about her or any other woman looking to a man to be responsible for her safety & "keep her alive".
For all we know, she did stand up for herself but if the incident wasn't even a blip on his radar & she had to ask him wtf his problem was...then that shows if she can't even count on him to at least SAY something in her defense whether she needs defending or not, then clearly he can't be counted on when as you say, "shit gets real".
No he isn't "obligated" to keep her alive because she's a woman & he's a man, at a minimum, he's obligated to do the right thing out of compassion for his fellow man. The reverse is also true. A concept you clearly cannot understand w/ your helmet wearing independent ass.
And "hand your immune system over to some guy during the flu season"...that shit doesn't even make sense.
I agree. Not sure I understand where the "women need to protect themselves" rant came from, but given that there are no details about her response to the idiot friend, it's not fair to direct such a rant at her.
I agree with just about everything that everyone has said here. I was only taking issue with PART of the sentiment behind Nick's answer. Specifically, this part:
"This guy's lack of a backbone puts your personal safety in jeopardy. What else is he going to allow?"
My point was that Nick, whom I adore and always agree with, is assuming that her personal safety is dependant on his actions. I feel that is a very dangerous assumption. It means that the safety of one person is relegated to another person's power. All I am saying is that her personal safety should not be affected by the spinelessness of her douchey boyfriend.
The idea that what harm befalls this question-asker is determined only by what her boyfirend "allows" re-enforces the idea that women need to be basically carried through life by their male significant others. As long as we are telling women that they have no control over their own safety, we are dis-empowering them.
I realize I came off somewhat ranty before, and I never intended to blame the question-asker for not standing up for herself, because, as has been pointed out, she very well may have. My comment was not directed at her. It was directed at Nick's answer. I repeat- I was commenting on the sentiment of Nick's answer and the assumptions behind it, NOT on the question itself.
And granted, this doesn't have to be a feminist issue, and I'm sorry for turning it into one. But, really, would anyone have a problem with a woman who didn't jump into the fray for a man? He'd probably feel emasculated by that, or something.
The point is, I AGREE with Nick's answer, just not with his reasons. The BF absolutely should have stood up for this girl, yes. But he should have done so out of solidarity, NOT because her personal safety depended on his interference.
Okay?
Thanks Nomi, you speak the truth. Women need to take control of what we allow and how we respond to all types of threats.
If you read many of my comments on this site I talk along the same lines of women needing to get into the 21st century and stand their own ground etc. I am also a man, and a police officer.
There is another conversation about domestic abuse which is, funny enough, another Chic Geek question. I think I see a trend haha. While this is obviously not domestic abuse, she was still abused by someone, that person being a good friend of her boyfriend. If that were me, he'd be in a bad spot the moment one molecule from his hand touched any area on or near my girlfriends breasts.
Women of the world, please kick guys like that right in the nads. If anyone asks why you did it, say a cop told you to, you have my full support. It is still a boyfriends job to look out for his girlfriend, just as it's a girlfriends job to look out for her boyfriend. So long as neither partner is controlling in their support then it is a normal, healthy thing.
And yes, sorry to say men, this can lead to actual fights if the guy is either drunk or stupid enough to start something. In that case, if you are the peaceful type you also have my support to kick the guy in the nads and run for the hills. The boyfriend is a dud, I am sorry to say. Tell him to grow a pair and tell his friends that stuff isn't cool. If he can't do that I suggest you find a man who can.
One should be able to count on the people that love you to look out for you - and the so-called friends that you let in your circle because of your boyfriend not to harm you. His friend groping you was a diss as well as a challenge to the boyfriend who conceded by doing nothing. Maybe physically it was no contest... Traumatizing for either of you in that case.
As a petite girl, if I fight back - it's unexpected and shocking and nearly everyone feels compelled to step in and help. What if the guy has no chance to win? Different story...
I have been in almost this exact same situation, slightly different as it happened twice with the same "friend". The first time I was drunk at my bfs party and went to bed to sleep it off. The "friend" came in and inappropriately touched me and there was nothing I could do. The second time I was not drunk but the "friend" was and he several times came up from behind me and would put his hand down my pants. So I would remove his hand and move away and then he tried to convince me to go to bed with him! In both cases my bf did nothing! I told him about it and he was like, oh, well you need to talk to him about that, there is nothing I can do. The bf thought that maybe his friend was drunk and didn't realize that he had done those things. In my opinion, yes I needed to stand up for my self and remove myself from the situation and to make it clear that I did not appreciate what he had done to me. However, I think my bf should have confronted his "friend" and told him that under no circumstances will he tolerate that behavior and if he felt the need to punch him in the nose then I probably would have felt that that little payback was "defending" my honor. I also feel that by the bf not doing or saying anything to his friend, gave that friend the impression that his behavior towards me was ok.
{By the way, that was a long time ago and the bf is an ex however, they are still very good buddies that hang out all the time}
All I can say is... Wow. Awesome arguments. Definitely nice to read good dialogue going on here. :)
Poor girl. Gotta find herself a better man. Someone with a backbone.
I was in a situation like this once. At a party my BF's roommate started feeling me up with the words "It's ok, roommates share everything". And while I'm usually the back off!-type, I completely froze. My BF was furious when he found out, but he never really confronted the guy. I could see his anger, and this helped a little. But afterwards it didn't feel right; I lost a little self-esteem for not slapping the guy in the face. And I saw my BF in a new perspective & sadly enough broke up with him. I don't blame him for having a shithead roommate, but it would've been nice if he had stood up for me afterwards. Just saying that there isn't always a black-and-white situation, a girl should try to defend herself, but it would shure as hell be bloody nice if your guy stands up for you.
I was in a situation like this once. At a party my BF's roommate started feeling me up with the words "It's ok, roommates share everything". And while I'm usually the back off!-type, I completely froze. My BF was furious when he found out, but he never really confronted the guy. I could see his anger, and this helped a little. But afterwards it didn't feel right; I lost a little self-esteem for not slapping the guy in the face. And I saw my BF in a new perspective & sadly enough broke up with him. I don't blame him for having a shithead roommate, but it would've been nice if he had stood up for me afterwards. Just saying that there isn't always a black-and-white situation, a girl should try to defend herself, but it would shure as hell be bloody nice if your guy stands up for you.
What if its something like his brother grabs your ass! I rip him a new asshole but he doesnt really say anything to his brother?!?!
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