Hmm...too pushy? I'm not sure that's the right term. You were definitely telling him to make a choice, either you all come clean or break up. At least that's what it sounds like. Sounds a bit ultimatumish as well.
My guess is that while you are concerned about your job, you also want him to either acknowledge you or let you go. That's really what I take from it, which I suppose there's nothing wrong with but it does drive us men crazy when you all force our hands like that. Because it doesn't seem rooted in what's best for him, it seems rooted in your ego.
While the company policy exists and you all should abide by it, or at the very least he should cover his a$$, it almost seems like a way for you to determine where you all stand. If he's willing to go to the bosses to disclose the relationship, then you know it's real. If he doesn't, then you question it. And maybe that's exactly what you should do or feel, but it doesn't seem like you're genuinely concerned about him. It sounds like you are just using it for personal issues you're trying to work out.
Now, at the end of the day that might not matter because you are right, if you all are dating - seriously - then he'll have to disclose this anyway. But if you just started seeing him then is it really necessary already? Not sure how deep you all are but maybe you all aren't at a point where it needs to be disclosed.
But no, I wouldn't call you pushy. I would call you slightly manipulative though in the least judgemental way possible.
I promise.
I can not believe companies have a right to know who their employees may or may not be seeing or dating or breaking up with! Relationships have their ups and downs, on and off moments and sometimes it is not even clear to the people involved - do you have to keep the company apprised with the status? Maybe you both differ in opinion where the relationship is.
Unbelievable. It's no one's business but your own. I liked it better when no one was allowed to date anyone at work and everyone was sneaking around.
Your Co workers think they know what is going on. Deny deny deny! If neither one of you guys admit to it, coast is clear. Times are too hard and decent jobs are to come by. Enjoy the ride while you are on it. The tone of your letter insinuates you would snitch if dude doesn't dance to your music.
Your Co workers think they know what is going on. Deny deny deny! If neither one of you guys admit to it, coast is clear. Times are too hard and decent jobs are to come by. Enjoy the ride while you are on it. The tone of your letter insinuates you would snitch if dude doesn't dance to your music.
in an era where jobs are short and wrongful termination and sexual harrassment suits are in abundance, i think PJ was being a little too nice. those two reasons are why your company has that policy. you said he is a manager and i don't know where your position is on the totem pole, but as a manager, even moreso he needs to abide by that policy as a leader in the company. i have to agree with both BFF and another commenter that the tone of your statements doesn't exactly ring well, and if it were me seeing someone that works beneath me saying that to me, i would be stopping seriously short and wishing them all the best in their future romantic endeavors. it's never a bad thing to ask your man where you stand, but putting it like that, just doesn't sit well with me and i'm a complete stranger. now, we dont know you or the sitch from adam, or how exactly you worded things with him, but you should lighten things up if you want to keep your man and peace at work at the same time. i've run my own business for a while so have not had to really worry about this but when i wasn't, i just stayed away from hot messes like this with the policy you just don't dip your pen in the company ink for....well, anything really. too much at stake. PJ's last line pretty much nailed it emphasis on the word manipulative. it may not seem that way to you, but i can pretty much bet that there are more people in america worried about keeping their jobs than keeping their romance. again, not knowing the sitch from adam, if you said it exactly the way you described, statements like yours to a superior could be potentially actionable so be very careful.
Sounds like Mr. Manager just miiiiight already be taken, which is why he's not wanting to be so upfront about what he's up to??? Does anyone else get that sense? Guess how I know?
Ditto, dipping pen in company ink: baaaaaaaaaaaaaad move, don't even think about it, especially if it's a one-up-one-down working relationship. I speak from the perspective of taking part in several unutterably dumbass work relationships/crushes in my past that make me absolutely cringe now. At least the crushes didn't hurt anyone except moi. And they still make me cringe thinking about them. Ahh, the joys of 20/20 hindsight.
Trust me, HE will not be the one that looks bad in the end. HE will not be the one that loses their job, or gets laid off, or suffers the ignominy of forever sideways "promotions" or, my personal favourite, to never, ever again be taken seriously.
Right now you sound awfully young and naive. If you are looking at working yourself up to a good, sound, responsible position in your future -- with this company or another is immaterial -- then skip the office romance(s). They make you look anything and everything but competent, professional and trustworthy, just to name a few qualities. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, bo-ring. I personally could care less what anyone does, and in fact find it endlessly entertaining what they do do (ditto all your co-workers), but I suspect that policy was put into place for a reason. You might want to find out what it is.
I agree with B. The fact is, office romances look very, very bad for the woman. Whether the man is above her, at the same level or below, she will be seen as unprofessional and untrustworthy. I've formed good friendships with some guys at work over the years and even that caused some trouble because the rumor mill started. For the man, even if he gets in trouble for going against company policy, people will still respect him and his job will most likely continue to be secure. However, with people working so many hours now the chances of you finding love at work, I think, are high. My feeling about office romances is, if you both have truly fallen for each other and feel there is potential for a LTR, than one of you, or both, should start looking for a new job. If neither is willing to give up a job for love, then you're really not in love and it wouldn't have worked anyway.