Mystery Man

 
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Recently I've become an atheist but I haven't told my mother and my family in general. Everyone expects me to go to church with them but I hate to! What should I do?

Congratulations on your assertiveness on this topic. A lot of people, when they no longer believe in any god, claim that they are agnostic, i.e. they are not sure anymore, when in reality they don't believe at all. To my mind you either believe or you don't.

Two options.

1) Tell them you no longer believe in their god and that you are not going to church anymore. Suggest it would be hypocritical to do so as you are a total unbeliever. Tell them you are going to hell anyway.

or

2) Keep going to church and use the time to daydream. Trust me, it can't be worse than most work meetings you are forced to attend throughout your life.

Good luck!

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So "certainty," either for or against, is the only possibility when it comes to belief in deity? A person can't possibly be ... uncertain? That's ridiculous.

lindsay

it kind of depends on the asker's age and living situation. if you are grown, independent, and on your own, then you certainly have the right to assert your religious position. however, if you're underage and living under their rough, it is pretty disrespectful to buck against something they obviously find important and a family event. you can let your stance be known without bashing their beliefs, and you can take a couple hours out of the week to spend time with them. you can use the setting to further along your understanding of your family's core values.

lindsay

ahem, roof.

Melissa

I get the sense this is someone younger, so I will contribute on that basis...

If you are comfortably, confidently atheist, that doesn't mean you need to be "anti" anything on the other end of that. Being in church shouldn't make you upset or angry. I agree with the above - use the time to understand where they are coming from. Because just like you expect them to accept your beliefs, you need to accept theirs. I say this as a 34-year-old atheist who has studied a variety of religions, extensively, in an effort to understand the beliefs and what they mean to the 90% of the world that believes in something. You would do well to do the same. Practice compassion, and don't let the time there get to you. When you're on your own, you may do as you please, but you may be grateful for what you learned. Good luck!

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That would really depend on what kind of church. I can recall more than a few sermons that made me quite upset and/or angry due to the content therein. Gay bashing, atheist bashing, evolution denying, rants against condoms, etc. can and will happen at some churches and it can be difficult to sit through that without resisting the urge to jump up and yell "bullshit!" at the top of your lungs. Compassion is all well and good but when the priest/pastor/deacon/whatever starts spouting hateful screeds it can be hard to accept those beliefs.

The more general "Jesus said to love your neighbours" sermons that get trotted out are fairly easy to sit through so it can depend a lot on what kind of church you go to.

I ended up pretending to go to church during high school (said I was going to the Saturday night mass while the rest went to Sunday morning) and then simply stopping once I moved away to college. Telling my family I was an atheist was actually really difficult because it is not easy to see people you care about look at you like you've suddenly sprouted horns and a tail. If you are living at home I can't really recommend telling them unless you know they are very accepting. What I did wasn't exactly ideal but I think it was my best option at the time.

Melissa

Ohhhh right. Right. Sorry Rhino, you have a really good point and thanks for not decimating me with it. I was totally giving the churches the loving benefit of the doubt and forgot how much some of them can spread messages that are truly hurtful and offensive to others. Kudos on your wonderful response to that, and to the original question. Very well put.

javery

are you truly Atheist, or do you simply not believe in the God that many churches describe and worship?

regarding the former, there's nothing wrong with your beliefs. at all. i can only imagine how hard it would be to disclose your beliefs with your family. putting myself in your shoes, i think i would sit with them and tell them straightforwardly, making sure to let your family know that you do not condemn or persecute them their different beliefs. hopefully you respect their beliefs, for if you don't, who are you to expect and hope for them to respect your new-found perspective(s)?

as far as the latter. which is a lack of belief in the God [your] church describes and worships, it is very common. if you believe in something, yet you perhaps do not agree with what [your] church and family believe, that's okay too. however, that's not Atheism, and since you have blatantly stated that you're an Atheist, this second possibility is essentially invalid. nevertheless, i thought it appropriate enough to insert it in here. :).

your life, your experiences, your observations, and your interpretations lead to your beliefs.

peace.

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Please don't generalize Agnostics, Mystery Man. Just because I'm not going to stand here and argue that the Christian version of God is the ONLY possible god and everyone else is wrong (or the Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist etc) or that there definitively is no god, does not mean that I am "unsure".

I, and every other Agnostic I know, believe that there is at least one supreme being. However, based on the number of religions that have survived thousands of years, who is to say which one is the sole "correct" religion?

The term Agnostic specifically means "without knowledge" in reference to deities. However, that is the generalized term. You can have Agnostic Theists (like myself), who believe that while a (or more) god exists, the proof that a "X" religion is the ultimate doesn't exist. Mostly, we believe in god(s), but not in religion. You can also have Agnostic Atheists, who do not believe that god(s) exist, but are reluctant to claim atheism for lack of definitive proof. Admittedly, those are closer to the "unsure" people you mention. Granted, you can also have Agnostic Theists with a Christian/Buddhist/Muslim etc leaning...but that also leads down the simply unsure road.

The best definition of an agnostic I've come across is simply a person who is open and not arrogant enough to believe that their view is the sole correct viewpoint. An independent thinker, as it were.

That said, as with anything in life, it all comes down to perspective. Open to individual interpretation. Nothing is ever simply black or white (not even the colors, scientifically)...so who says your spiritual/religious beliefs have to be?

Rach

I dont think they should have to go to church at all! If they've been going to church before with their family then they know where they are coming from so they dont need to go again. I do actually agree with Mystery Man. Believing in God is really a do or don't kind of thing. You are either a full beleiver, or you have doubts/dont. If you have doubts, then you dont have FAITH-- which is what you need to beleive. It also comes down to how you think as a person. Are you a scintific, rational, longical thinker..or an emotional, irrational feeling kind of person? You either beleive in supernatural things like ghosts and God or you dont! Its all based on how much a person uses critical thinking when evaluating evidence.

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even atheists have to acknowledge God
your friends and family are praying for you you are being selfish and trying to get attention go to the mall wait 5 mins you will see someone or something worse than you get over yourself God knows everything you think before you do he chose you before you existed BE GREATFUL teach someone something help others you will quickly forget about your selfish self!!

Aggie

I hate it when fanatics say that atheists are just selfish.Who are you to tell it?You shouldn't tell people how to behave.Have you ever heard something called free will?If someone no longer wants to belive in something,it is his right!You sound like an old lady fron Texas!Get over it sweetie.

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