I can't tell you whether to stay or go. Only you can make that decision. I will tell you that I think the pros you mention for this guy far outweigh the cons. Let's talk about the cons in what I see as the reverse order of importance.
The messy divorce is irrelevant unless it is having a direct effect on your relationship now. Is he still not over his ex or the breakup? Does he compare you to his ex? Does he use the divorce as an excuse for bad behavior, like suspicion or unwarranted anger? If not, I don't see why it matters.
Habitual lateness is annoying and inconsiderate, but still not a deal-breaker in the overall picture. I mean, yeah, you would think that since he only sees you once every two weeks he could manage to be on time, but I don't know the details. Are we talking 10-15 minutes or an hour? Is he driving a long way to see you? Have you told him that it bugs you? This one is more an annoyance than a red flag.
The fact that you haven't met any of his family or friends is a little odd, but again, it depends on the circumstances. Have you expressed an interest in meeting them? Does it seem like he is purposely keeping you away from them? Most guys won't rush to introduce you to their families, but you usually meet at least some of their friends within a few months. The real question here is whether you think it is intentional or not.
Only seeing each other once every two weeks could be a red flag--even a busy guy will make time to see someone he likes--but it's still not the worst thing I've ever heard. Are you exclusive? Maybe he just dates around. What does he do on the weekends that he doesn't see you, do you know? I don't think this is a big deal unless all you guys ever do on your every-other-week date is have sex. If that's the case, and if you add it to the other cons you mention here, you might be just a booty call for him. I can't say for sure because I don't have the big picture, and the big picture is what you have to look at here. On paper he sounds pretty good--not perfect, but no one is. All you can do is trust what your gut is telling you. Does it say that he's into you or not? The answer to that will tell you whether you should stay or go.
Thanks for the question.
If you've never been to his place, run. The guy sounds married.
He sounds married. Have you ever been to his place? Does he avoid certain parts of town when you're together? When you call, does he answer? If he keeps you separated from the rest of his life, he's probably got a reason. Heed your Spidey senses.
Hmm...I am curious if it is similarly concerning in my case. Although I spend almost everyday at his place, spend time helping with his mom
(I am the first he's ever brought home and he is 40) but he still isn't ready to have me meet his friends, although he has met (and likes) most of mine....
How much of a concern is the friend thing? That was your one red flag there Cary....
A cheater. Been there, and it sucks. P. Moyer.
After 10 months, you should find out. Ask why you've never been to his place and only see him every other week. If this relationship means anything to him, he will want to explain. Watch his body language...
He says he's not ready for me to meet them due to his past relationships being bad. I have said i want to meet someone. I have been to his place. total man cave, no worries there. he answers the phone sometimes. but we do talk for hours nightly. we are exclusive and his busyness does have good excuses. (kids 50% custody, work, uni, working out.)
I'm so torn on this... sometimes my gut says leave, sometimes it says stay.. ugh.... I'm no good at dating...
Have you met his children? If not, that would be a red flag for me after 10 months.
nope but that wouldn't be a red flag for me. I'm not ready for him to meet my kids either. I know people who wait years.
As someone who once upon a time kept someone on the periphery of her life due to paralyzing fear, to heeding really bad advice from family and friends, and to shortsightedness, I'll tell you what I learned from my experience. You have to ask yourself how much you're willing to continue to endure about your present situation, and just how much you're willing to risk to find out if this relationship is truly a good fit for you. In other words, sit him down and voice your fears & concerns the first chance you get, and once you do, force yourself to ask him what his present and future plans are for the relationship you're both in currently. You'll continue to be on the fence about staying or going if you never dare to risk anything and choose to remain in the dark about his intentions and motives.
I realize what a mistake I made in the past by not being fully open(emotionally) and not feeling completely comfortable enough to allow someone full access into my world, and trust me, if you don't venture anything you honestly won't gain anything -- so do yourself a favor and take matters (and your life) into your own hands and just have that talk with him. I came by that lesson a little too late to make any changes in that relationship, but at least I finally did take that lesson to heart so in this current relationship -- I'm taking risks that I never thought I'd take and I'm seeing the honest rewards that come as a result of that. Best of luck. :)
This made me teary.
...And I wish someone in my life could read this right now.
Well like that Steps song goes, sometimes you have to take a chance on a happy ending.
Glad to see you've learned and found something great.
Me too, Tariana. I tell myself that the Universe, if it hasn't done so already, will deliver that message to him when it's time for him to gain any useful knowledge from past experiences/relationships. And, I'm pretty sure it will in your case too, hon. :)
Mr. X: Although personal evolution can be painful, the pros far outweigh the cons.Thank you for the well wishes. :)
I'm not a guy, but from a woman's point of view, recently messily divorced, I like the accoutrements of being with someone, but can't handle anything serious. I need things to go smoothly and easily because the second I think too much, I'm gone.