OK, going to lay it out flat for you. Your Dad has a serious problem. He will not work to fix it until he sees it is a problem. You can talk until you are blue in the face and he will simply ignore it or deny it, or get violent again. Yeah, that is experience talking, so listen. You stay, things will not change, except for the worse.
You can't fix him. No one can until he wants to be fixed. Trust me on this. I know rage, anger and denial. Lived it, got the T-shirt and ripped it up.
Look, he is your Dad, you love him and, most terrifying, you rely on him. Stop making excuses for him. He is not a good man.
I want you to read this, then go here and find somewhere you can get help. Not family, but somewhere safe. You get out, right the Eff now.
You tell us, by the weekend, that you are out and safe.
You will help yourself. It may help him. Probably not, but it might.
I used to live in fear of my Dad. He was in every way a good man except I was the go-to kid he used to come home to hit and verbally abuse. There was not much that could be done so I just got right back to normal. In my twenties, my Dad talked to me about my resiliency, never holding a grudge against him and then he apologized for his mistreatment of me growing up - I was so thankful we had the momentous talk and it meant everything to me. If only it had meant the end of his berating me in front of family and friends at huge celebrations. He just couldn't help himself... My Dad passed away recently so I am still trying to make sense of it all.
To the OP - you are not the problem. Your father is the one with the problem. It is what it is. MM's right - if you can, remove yourself from this situation. It's unhealthy and can do a number on your self esteem if you let it. Know that you deserve to feel safe and loved and whatever you do, your man should be nothing like your father.
Oh wow... MM, thank you so much for your advice :-) I have to admit I wasn't expecting an answer haha, I didn't think I deserved one (nothing on you, you're awesome, I just have no self esteem). You're right. He doesn't see it as a problem at all and it kinda makes me feel like I'm just overracting. Like it's fine for him to roar insults and try and break my bedroom door down while I'm braced against it screaming, or throw me to the ground. To give him his due it doesn't happen often but he refuses to accept that even acting that way ONCE is too much. I read the link and was actually horrified to discover that some of the advice it gives (identifying red flags, finding safe areas, being ready to leave) I've already been doing for years.
I'm gonna go and stay with my boyfriend in his uni room for a while on Sunday, it would have been sooner but it's the year anniversary of my friends' death on Saturday and we're having a memorial day for him. That's the only reason I'm still in town because you're so right, I need to get the hell out ha. I have friends I can stay with for a while too, would feel a bit guilty like but they've offered :-)
To "trying to make sense of it all": I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with your father and glad the two of you had that talk. I understand how you feel, I have a half brother and half sister and they've never been on the receiving end of our dads' anger. I was/am the go-to kid too. I hope you can find some peace. My boyfriend is, thankfully, nothing at all like my dad. We've argued (just over silly couple stuff) but he's never so much as raised his voice to me. I'm very lucky there :-)
Thanks again to both of you x