Uh...No? This seems like a very bad idea. Are you taking a "stay-cation," with one of you camped out in the living room catching up on DVR-d Glee episodes, and the other one reading the latest Pride & Prejudice and Zombies book outside in the hammock? No? You're actually going to different locations to get away from home, work, and each other? That sounds like what happens right before you schedule a meeting with a divorce lawyer.
Taking separate vacations basically says, "We can't stand each others company even in a beautiful, relaxing setting." You should be excited to vacation together. Vacations are when couples really get to shine. You're away from the pressures of work, family, etc., and can focus on being together and having fun like you did in the early stages of the relationship.
Plus, if ever there was an opportunity to cheat on each other, it would be when one of you is in, say, Hawaii and other is at the Grand Canyon. That's basically giving each other a "get out of jail free" card.
Are you taking trips separately with friends? You're going with your best girlfriend to Europe and he's taking a guy's trip to Vegas? I suppose if you have a SUPER trusting relationship, that could maybe work. But hopefully you're also taking vacations together.
So I would file taking separate vacations in the category of things that are not part of a healthy marriage. (It's a short jump from there to sleeping in separate bedrooms.) Even entertaining the notion of taking separate vacations is probably a sign that you should split up (or at least seek marriage counseling). What are you going to do after you both get back? Compare trip photos? "Look at this amazing waterfall I swam under without you, honey!" That's going to be one awkward scrapbook.
Taking separate vacations basically says, "We can't stand each others company even in a beautiful, relaxing setting." You should be excited to vacation together. Vacations are when couples really get to shine. You're away from the pressures of work, family, etc., and can focus on being together and having fun like you did in the early stages of the relationship.
Plus, if ever there was an opportunity to cheat on each other, it would be when one of you is in, say, Hawaii and other is at the Grand Canyon. That's basically giving each other a "get out of jail free" card.
Are you taking trips separately with friends? You're going with your best girlfriend to Europe and he's taking a guy's trip to Vegas? I suppose if you have a SUPER trusting relationship, that could maybe work. But hopefully you're also taking vacations together.
So I would file taking separate vacations in the category of things that are not part of a healthy marriage. (It's a short jump from there to sleeping in separate bedrooms.) Even entertaining the notion of taking separate vacations is probably a sign that you should split up (or at least seek marriage counseling). What are you going to do after you both get back? Compare trip photos? "Look at this amazing waterfall I swam under without you, honey!" That's going to be one awkward scrapbook.
Really? Agree that *most* vacations should be with your spouse, but to NEVER take off by yourself? What about my awesome trip to Alaska with my mom? My long weekend with the girls? That conference in Las Vegas? When you've spent all week missing him and he greets you at the airport all happy to see you and excited to hear about your adventures...that's a recipe for some good lovin' right there.
Right, that's why I said I can understand going off with friends or family or whatever. And work trips don't count. I'm saying that planning separate vacations is probably a sign the marriage is in trouble.
Nick, are you or have you ever been married? Judging by an answer like that, I'm guessing "no".
What's the difference in "going off with friends or family or whatever" and "planning separate vacations"? It's the same thing. And occasional separate vacations is vital to having a lasting relationship. In theory, if you're married to someone, you should trust them, so there shouldn't be a trust issue.
People that live together (spouses, in this case) need a break from each other every once in a while. So, there's nothing wrong with separate vacations. My parents have been (mostly) happily married for over 40 years. Neither has ever cheated on the other. They take vacations together and separately. Of course, they have a good time together, but my mom still talks about a "girls weekend" trip that happened nearly 30 years ago. She doesn't talk about it because she had such a great time on the trip. She talks about it because my dad offered to stay home with 2 sick kids while she got away with my aunt and came home to a spotlessly clean house and dinner on the table. It was the time away from my dad and the effort he put into taking some of her household burdons off her shoulders while she was away.
So, don't just assume that people that take separate vacations are headed to divorce court. It's possible that there's a very nice motive behind it.
Besides, (and this is from my past relationships) who really wants a clingy spouse that's there - all - the - time? I need a break. Not taking separate vacations would be a more likely reason for me to head to divorce court... oh, wait, I am headed there. haha!
Nope, nobody's put a ring on it yet. I don't think there's anything wrong with taking vacations separately with friends or family members. That's healthy. But I took this as a general question of "should married couples vacation separately" because that's what they seemed to be asking.
I agree with Not Surprised that vacations are a way for couples to reconnect. So I would err on the side of spending vacations together. Because-- and this might also be controversial-- don't you feel a little guilty leaving your spouse behind when you go off with friends or family members? I understand wanting time away and absence makes the heart grow fonder and such. But I would just make sure you aren't A) taking the vacation solo or with friends/family as a way of getting away from problems at home and B) not including your spouse in fun times and things you love.
Anyway, maybe I'll be singing a different tune after ten years of marriage. I think it's an interesting topic, nonetheless.
I agree with Nick on this one. Not because of trust issues, but simply because as couple's with lives going in 100 different directions a vacation is a perfect time to reconnect. We often forget what life was like when we were first together. Forgetting everything else and just having eyes for each other. Then life gets in the way...kids come along....a mortgage..responsibilities and suddenly we are not as thrilled each day, with each other, with our lives. Some time away, just you and your spouse, can offer that chance to be newly in love again..sans responsibilities.
Now, having said that, I'm not saying to never go anywhere without the other one. My mother and I plan a weekend a year where we get away, just she and I. It's hardly a breeding ground for infidelity. But there are situations that are breeding grounds for infidelity and life is hard enough...relationships are tested enough...without putting oneself in a "perfect" spot to be unfaithful. I think that, in a nutshell, was what Nick was referring to.
I just love the tags. But now that song is going to be stuck in my head ALL day... Thanks, Nick!
I can't really relate to the marriage thing, but sometimes I need a break from my kid. I'm not a bad mother, it's just very tiring.
I'm assuming the same concept can be applied to the husband/wife thing. Sometimes it's just good to go out with your sister or best girlfriend to recharge for a day or two. Any longer than that is a little odd.
Maybe the same vacay locale but do different things during the day and reconnect at night? That would be similar to taking separate vacations.
If being married means I have to permanently be joined 24/7 at the hip, then I don't want any part of it. I want to keep my personhood.
Huh.Well my my hubby is letting me get away for a few days when he comes home. He's gone 2 months at a time working and the last time he was home I really didnt get a break from the kids. So he decided to rent me a car and send me on my way. He would rather be home sittin on the couch with a controller in his hand anyway. I can understand something like this. But, one spouse heading to vegas while another heads to NYC is hard to understand
I agree with Nick. Less than a month before my now-ex husband put the moves on my best friend, he sent me to visit my family...ALONE. Then, the day I got back, he left for his own vacation....to the EXACT PLACE I'D JUST BEEN. His reason "well, you don't like my family and I want to see people you don't know". Turns out that the "people" I didn't know included this woman he conveniently ended up hooking up with after I kicked him out. Funny how that worked, right?
I believe seperate vacations are fine. If you are in a trusting marriage, what's the big deal? Sometimes it's nice to get away from everything and everyone, including your spouse. A seperate vacation can help you remember who you are, and that gives you some kind of sense of individuality. So sure, take your seperate vacation.
You are going to be with your spouse forever. What's a week apart going to hurt? Yes vacationing together can be a bonding experience, but when you are with someone 24/7, sometimes you need more than a trip to the spa or a long drive for your "me time."
I stumbled upon this site as I was trying to answer the question "should spouses go on solo vacations?" I've got mixed feelings. My husband of 3 years (dated for 7 years) just went on a short trip with his big bro, nephew, and a friend. I know he isn't out cheating on me, but the thought of him having a great, relaxing time while I am at home stuck doing the housework, watching our son along with my son's friends who loves our pool and trampoline, and my bro-in-laws dog that he conveniently dropped off for us to dog sit while he is at work because he lost his other job where he could take the dog to work, because of several dui's. Here's the kicker...I am a professional and work full-time and off during the summer while he takes an occasional job here and there. We agreed that he could do that as long as he kept up with the house chores, etc. (because that is what I would do if the roles were reversed). He isn't consistent and I actually find myself cooking and cleaning after a long day at work. Now, he is off on a relaxing vacation. What's wrong with this picture????
What a lovely day for a 3716681! SCK was here
What a lovely day for a 4372098! SCK was here
What a lovely day for a 1479919! SCK was here
What a lovely day for a 4642160! SCK was here
I definitely like your site, but I am just having an issue: whenever I load one of your article in Safari, the left of the page is screwed -- it's strange. May I mail you a screenshot? Anyways, continue the excellent job; I actually like reading you.
I'm still learning from you, as I'm trying to achieve my goals. I certainly enjoy reading everything that is posted on your blog.Keep the tips coming. I liked it!
I have to say that for the past couple of hours i have been hooked by the amazing articles on this site. Keep up the good work.
I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this site. Keep up the great work.
hahha I agree
How about this? My husband and I were planning on going to a convention in Florida for 3 days, 2 nights. Hotel on the beach at a special rate for those attending convention. Food and entertainment on both nights (days to do as you please). Well, I was thinking about booking flight/hotel tickets early, but right before I checked to purchase I realized that our two children are having their annual end of the year recitals at the same time (Friday is rehearsal; Saturday is recital). Yesterday, after he asked about checking for tickets, I reminded him that our children have the recital, he still asked about flight tickets/times for himself! Now, it wouldn't bother me AS much if our kids didn't have something going on AND I still couldn't go for some reason, but he is still willing to go even though the kids have this program going on?
Anyone's thoughts on this? By the way, he went to Vegas for 3 days with his friend (friend from Europe was visiting his (own) mother whose work transferred her to D.C.). His excuse? "Well, my friend has never been there and neither have I. I want to see it at least once too." Guess what? I'VE never been there before either! Am I being petty? Don't get me wrong he is great with the kids and sweet to me, but sometimes I feel a little neglected. Someone be honest with me-a man's point of view is appreciated. By the way I am 38 and he is 40.
How about this? My husband and I were planning a 3 day 2night convention/mini vacation to Florida. Hotel (at a special convention rate) on the beach; food and special entertainment both nights there (days to do as you please). When I decided to check for air fare prices (wanted to do it early to save some $), I realized our 2 children have their annual recital (finale) on that date (Friday is rehearsal, Saturday is recital). Yesterday he asked me about tickets, I reminded him (again) that our children have their recital and that I would not be able to go (I didn't tell him he couldn't go/I just don't want to tell him what to do-I thought the answer would be automatic-I know, my mistake to assume). Well he still ended up asking for tickets/times for himself!
I didn't say anything; I want someone's opinion on this. I wouldn't care AS MUCH if the kids didn't have a recital and for some other reason I couldn't go. But to miss your kids' recital? Maybe it's me.
He did something similar in regards to a trip to Vegas. His friend from Europe was visiting his mother in D.C. (his mom was transferred there for a few years) and they decided they wanted to see Vegas. My husband's excuse? "Well my friend has never been there, and I have never been there and I just thought it was a good idea to go." Hey, guess what? I'VE never been there as well. And I still haven't been there. I told him how I felt, but I didn't want to be an asshole and tell him no; so instead I still told him to have a good time.
Am I being petty? Someone please give me some input. Don't get me wrong, he is a great father and a very sweet and loving husband (no verbal or physical abuse) but I just feel neglected sometimes. I have told him about feeling neglected and his answer is "If you want me to stop doing 'blah, blah blah' I will." Well, I am not like that. I don't want to TELL him what to do, because then I feel he only did it because I told him NOT because he wanted to. Does this make any sense? HELP!
Sorry about the duplicate comment.
I really don't understand what the big deal is. I love my husband, my kids and my life and am so blessed. I still need to get away so I can really appreciate it by being away from it. I have been asked to join a few friends for a week at a beach house and have never done it since I have met my husband, been married 18 years and together 23. I have no desire to do anything but talk to my girls until I am blue in the face, hangout at the beach, laugh, cook or not, shop, drink some wine and catch up... and miss my family 80) My problem is my hubby gets so upset about me doing this and I feel the need to go and have a real problem with him not wanting me to go. What would be his reason for this?? I give him no reason to not trust me at all and would not do that. Sooooo... ??????
How would you feel if your life has always been financially hard(Harold doesnt get paid vacations, so it will be a sacrifice for all of us for him to go) and your husbands brother and father offer to take him to France with them for a guy trip. Harold & I did splurge and go on a cruise for our 25th Anniversary, but we haven't been on a family vacation in several years now.
Supposedly some family roots were from there in a genealogy book grand-dad has. I doubt Harolds dad would have ever left his wife and went on a trip like that w/o her and his brother travels with his job all the time and has a wife and 2 kids in another country, so he really has no physical responsibilities with them. I just never thought about Harold going somewhere that far away, that I will never have a chance to go to most likely and I don't really trust his brother. (He's a nice guy, but we don't really know what he does when hes away but we do know that he got 2 women pregnant and married the 2nd one who is a Colombian citizen)
Am I being selfish? I think if we could afford regular vacations w/o struggling, it might not bother me as much, but I know we won't be able to go anywhere this summer and don't know when we'll be able to.... but not sure... It seems he should want to see those things with me and/or our kids...
Just trying to get another perspective...
I have been in a long term relationship (almost 10 years) and I take annual vacations with the girls (bestie, sister etc). We go away for 5 days to an all inclusive island just to get away from our daily lives, mortgages, jobs, demand of life...etc. When we return it just makes us miss our significant other even more. We are not going there to cheat or party like rockstars...no, we are actually going away just to relax, unwind, go to the spa etc. With that, I think it is healthy to have some downtime away from the everyday hustle and bustle, and I think it is also healthy if your spouse or significant other values these moments in life. I mean think about it you are with you spouse/boyrfriend 95% of the time. Why not have a little 5% of your life...just for yourself.