Please, please think this through carefully. Nothing you did was deserving of his abuse. If you really need to get something off your chest, for your own emotional well being that's fine. You should send him a one off email saying what you need to say. Like Cary, said you shouldn't really do it expecting him to respond to you or to apologize too. Good luck moving on.

Also, don't be surprised if he responds to your message (if you do end up sending one) in an abusive, or at least douchey way. He may see it as an opportunity to chastise you for whatever wrongs, real or imagined, that he has percieved you had caused him. Just consider if you want to expose yourself to this option.

I think it is awesome that you recognize that your behavior wasn't as good as it could have been. I also think you didn't deserve to be abused, no matter how big of a bitch you might have been. But I think the other commenters have a good point - do you really want to open that line of communication back up? Making amends doesn't always have to involve an actual physical apology. Perhaps there is something else you could do to make amends for what you see as your errors. Volunteer at a domenstic abuse shelter or something?

Cary is right...and I recognize your statement as being one of co-dependence.

Not trying to insult, just make aware. Often men who are emotionally or physically abusive have created this environment of blame and shame around their victim (YOU), and somehow the victim will always believe it is somehow THEIR fault.
It's part of the manipulation.

You may want to research Borderline Personality Disorder victims. I'm not assuming he has this pathology, but if you recognize yourself and your relationship in any descriptors, you will feel better about why you should NOT contact him, and let him remain in the past.

Good luck.

Original Poster here. Thanks for answering. I'm sorry about the multiple submissions - I wasn't sure if you'd take the time.

I read some stuff and something in my head clicked that I'd been pretty nasty at times. No, I don't want to open lines of communication, but, LIIZ, I don't see how doing something good for somebody else is going to make up for something I've done to a specific person.

Goodkarmagirl, you might have a point about that. I've never been sure if he's got BPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but something there isn't right. I know it's not the first time I've been the only one apologizing.