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Since you won my heart in an earlier post: Am I being too harsh by dismissing guys who ignored me in high school? I'm getting attention now from guys who never even considered me back then. Thoughts?

Thanks for the compliment, OlySky.

I don't know that you're being harsh, per se. You have a right to be uninterested in anyone you choose. A lot of us blossom into someone we like long after high school and want to snub our noses at the people who wouldn't give us the time of day back then, whether it's the ugly duckling who becomes a hottie or the fat guy who's now buff or the nerd who's filthy rich. They're the ones who always attend the high school reunion so they can rub it in. And you know what? Good for them (and you). It's normal and understandable; a bit revenge-driven, but normal just the same.

But -- there's always a but, isn't there? -- if you dismiss people outright because of how they used to be, you might miss out on someone who, like you, has become a different person now. Face it, we all kinda suck in high school. Seriously, we do. We were teenagers, and -- with apologies to all teens reading this -- teenagers are clueless.

Now, ten or fifteen or twenty years later, you might have more in common with these guys than you did in high school. You might actually like them once you get to know them. It's unfair and short-sighted to judge someone on how they used to be. You should consider giving these guys the chance they never gave you back in high school. Not just to be nice, but on the off chance that you find someone you like.

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11 Comments

MaggieG

Great advice, Cary! It's funny, 2 of the 3 people I talk to most these days are 2 girls I went to high school with that I wasn't friends with back then (1 I definitely didn't like, but didn't really know and didn't have a solid reason for disliking her and the other just wasn't in my circle of friends). Now, I think they're both great! You really never know what's possible until you give it a try. I say cut them a little slack and get to know them as adults now.

BTW, Cary, you know the girl I didn't like in HS, but like now, and she's the reason I found this Website. Thanks, Mary! :-)

Frank

At my 20th HS reunion, there was an amazingly looking woman chatting with a couple of my friends, so I went up to join the conversation. She looked at me and said, "Did I know you in HS?" When I said, "I don't think so," (her name wasn't even familiar) she just turned away.

Heh.

Daisy

Her loss, Frank, not yours. Sounds like she did you a favor to me.

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Hold the phone! Maggie, you didn't like me in high school? What the french, toast? And the really weird thing is that the whole time I was reading your comment I was thinking, "Wow, I can really relate to this." Bitch.

oxox

Frank

Cat fight!

Bev

::giggle:: C-C-CATFIGHT!

Mary, you know I got your back. As my bad-ass friend Laurieliz says, "I'm pulling back my hair and straightening my rings...."

Oh, and - surprise! - I agree with Cary's advice. High school was so... so... well, high school. I'm not sure I would like any of my friends or even my husband if I'd known them in HS! Judge them for who they are now, not who they were all those years ago.

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FYI, Frank, I'm 98% sure that the "other" person from High School is the one and only Tamara.

Daisy

Fantastic answer, Cary. I agree. People can and do change drastically from when they were in high school. You might be very pleasantly surprised if you give them a chance now.

nightlyadvicestar87

Oh I love this one!

I actually gave a guy who, I would never think twice about back in high school, well more so rarely noticed, and take a chance with. Now a days, we are both far from being who we both were 5 years ago. I'm glad I decided to not be rude and not give him the time of day....

OlySky

Tu Che... Will consider...re-considering some of these fellas.

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As I read these comments it is apparent--AND TRUE!!!--that we are very, very far from being the people we were in High School. In any case, not matter HOW he treated in High School,(unless he was deliberately cruel and abusive) give the guy a chance. He may be just what you've been looking for and even if not there is a chance the two of you can become good friends. Who knows.

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