In the immortal words of Lex Luthor: WRONG!!!
Joking aside, snooping is always, always wrong, and it's one step below cheating in the relationship-ending category. Yes, even if you were right to snoop and he is doing something wrong. Snooping is both a violation of somebody's privacy and a flat-out statement that you have no trust in them to tell you the truth.
Imagine how you'd feel if you discovered your boyfriend was going through your email, or calling your work pretending to be someone else just to see if you were really at your desk like you said you were. Freaked out and angry, right? So will he when he inevitably catches you; snoops always get busted because they just keep doing it.
If your boyfriend is doing something that makes you feel weird or worried, don't pussyfoot around it: ask him point-blank. Give him an opportunity to explain what's going on. If he doesn't have a good answer, you can decide from there.
I totally agree Dan. If you have questions or concerns just ask your partner, communication is important to the relationship.
Also snooping can become addictive. Every time you feel concerned you end up snooping and that can never last, at some point he/she will find out. Plus if you do discover something while snooping how do you bring it up, it makes you look bad that you snooped in the first place.
Yea, snooping is never a good idea because the outcome is negative no matter the result of your findings. If you find he's not doing anything wrong, then you feel guilty for doubting him/being suspicious of him in the first place and for violating his privacy. But if you find he IS doing something behind your back/something he shoudn't be doing, then you get hurt and have to deal w/ confronting him and possibly revealing your invasion of his privacy. So yea, since you can't win either way, the overall takeaway from this one is to avoid snooping and instead be direct about it as Dan said. Good answer RP.
All this is true, AND he'll just find better ways to hide what he's doing...
1st off.. i go through all of my friends things, and they let me, i make fun of them for their texts and stupid things like that.. i dont keep things from anyone...but heres the thing.. if you have nothing to hide.. you hide nothing..right? what happens when im an open book, and he takes his phone to the bathroom with him, because he believes ill snoop.. or logs out of his fb as soon as i ask if i can go on the computer... shouldnt i be eligible to ask him to show me.. i wish there was a way to make men not hide ANYTHING.. he knows my passwords, and he can go through my phone, i tell him EVERYTHING.. and hes just closed off...
If you choose to be that open, it's your choice, there is no reason you should expect the same level of openness, most people, even those with nothing to hide, like their privacy respected, it's about respecting boundries. I once ended a relationship with a guy because I caught him looking through my phone, I truly had nothing to hide, all he saw was a trivial conversation between me and a girl friend, but I broke up with him right after I got my phone back, because it was unacceptable that he felt he had the right to invade my privacy. I have never cheated and at the time the oly guy i had texted from my phone was gay, it doesn't change the fact that my conversations were not his business. If you don't trust your guy, then you have bigger problems than not seeing his facebook. Because you can't be happy or comfortable in a relationship were there is no trust, and if you don't trust him, i think it's time not to search for the truth, but to break up with him and find a man that you do trust. Also, I think alot of people take there phones into the bathroom to make sure they don't miss a text, or to surf the web, or to play whatever games they have on there, it's not always a secretive move, in fact when I visit my folks, I can hear my dad playing games on the toilet, it's a bit disturbing but not suspicious.
i dont see a need to keep things from your partner.. it sounds like You have trust trust issues, if you feel like he invaded your personal space..i dont see the need..if you're exclusive, and you share everything, i should be able to pick up your phone or go on your email, if i needed or wanted to.. we should be open books for eachother.. because THATS what a relationship is. if you feel different, i hope you find someone just as closed off and guarded as you
A relationship doesn’t give you a right to be in every corner of a person’s life. I value my personal space, as most people do. It’s not “trust issues” when you don’t share every minute with your partner…, it is when YOU think you should know theirs...
Alright, I have voiced this a few times with pretty much the same question, but I will do it again.
I agree that in a relationship you should be open with your partner and share your lives (after a certain point, if you expect that kind of closeness after even a year then expect to be disappointed) But I also think that if you have a relationship that lasts then your partner won't force them self into your private affairs. We all have very private parts of our lives and if you've lived a life that has no secrets or privacy needs then good for you, give me your secret haha. But no, I am a Police Officer and a Football Coach for a youth inner-city team (8, 9, 10 years old) and I never let my fiance go through my phone as I carry a lot of personal and private numbers and messages. If her phone dies and she needs to call someone I dial the number for her and immediately take back my phone when she is done.
My fiance has never even met my father as there are some issues there. I have had ex girlfriends who were very mad at me for not letting them meet my family or learn more about my youth and demanded to meet my father etc. I would dump them. You are owed nothing from your partner, they will share their life when they are ready to. My fiance never asked me to give her more information than I was prepared to give and she has met the majority of my family and I have been very open with her about my past. Remember: you have absolutely no right to demand things that might be extremely personal and damaging to the person you are dating.
I had one ex freak out on me because I would never let her look in my phone or email, she managed to sneak on my email when I left it open and got the honour of seeing a large number of crime scene photos that apparently seemed like an email from a mistress?? Long story short, I immediately dumped her and of course she freaks on me again for not telling her what kind of emails I get which left me dumbfounded and had me repeating "Well....I AM a cop....?" over and over again to her. I had warned her.
The basis of a relationship is trust and communication. Ask your partner why you can't see their private communication, if the reason is no better than: "Because I don't want anyone going through my stuff, it makes me uncomfortable and I dislike it." Then you should accept that as they are PRIVATE communications. If you can't trust your partner then leave your partner as it will become a constant issue and even if he satisfies your curiousity now, you will eventually start wondering about it again, and demand to see his phone/email again.
Stop the entitlement issues and be a mature adult.
Your age shows well in your post. You will learn in time what is crossing the line & what isn't...
I have snooped three times.. and both times I was glad I did. I've been caught once and the guy was very upset but I only did it because he was too secretive (i've known him 5 years and i had some unanswered questions) the other time I just wanted to know if his car was in his name. He is still around and we are HAPPY! The third time I was very happy about snooping because the guy was lying about his age. I went through his pockets when he went to the store. His ID revealed his true age 41 he said he was 35! so I dont feel bad and I only would do it if I was sure not to get caught.
I have snooped three times.. and both times I was glad I did. I've been caught once and the guy was very upset but I only did it because he was too secretive (i've known him 5 years and i had some unanswered questions) the other time I just wanted to know if his car was in his name. He is still around and we are HAPPY! The third time I was very happy about snooping because the guy was lying about his age. I went through his pockets when he went to the store. His ID revealed his true age 41 he said he was 35! so I dont feel bad and I only would do it if I was sure not to get caught.
Overall I think snooping is pretty terrible, but sometimes I think its not completely unjustified to do it if you've been open about your suspicions to your boyfriend/girlfriend and they seem to be lying/hiding something.
I've snooped once, and I'm glad that I did. I suspected him of cheating, and I did ask him first and he denied it toooo much (the old "the lady doth protest too much"). I knew that he kept his e-mail signed in on his laptop, and I went to look at it and found some concrete evidence.
Snooping is definitely an invasion of privacy and shouldn't be done without evidence of any other wrongdoing. But if someone is pretty obviously hiding something and it could be a deal breaker, you deserve to know the truth. They deserve your trust, but you also deserve their honesty.
Absolutely agree. If the future of the relationship depends on the truth and he has given me just cause to doubt him and his word is not good enough anymore - I will find out. He has to be forthcoming willingly at that point or it is over anyway...
I think we should respect each other's privacy but it's ridiculous sometimes how people will not hand over their phone in any case. Those people have serious problems. They want to show you their pictures but they have to hold the phone and insist you move their hand to see photos in the best light. Someone on the phone wants to talk to someone else and they refuse to pass phone along. They stop to think about letting a stranger use their phone which is the only one around in a medical emergency... I watch in disbelief but it happens more and more. Will probably be normal behavior...
My boyfriend is a terrible snoop! It does make me angry from time to time, but I have nothing to hide. The thing is, I love the guy, warts and all, and I view his insecurities with compassion. I was once a despicable, insecure, hurting female after a messy divorce 20 years ago. His divorce was also messy and terrible, but only 5 years ago. Some people take longer than others to trust again.
fuck off you lonely fuck bags